Nellie nodded, climbed down off the stool and went around to the other side of the counter. It looked as if Dominic had made the decision for her. She did not have to write him a letter or stalk him in London or Kent. She could now tell him in person how she felt. She clasped her hands together, then released them. It was now her turn to feel uncharacteristically awkward, to be uncharacteristically tongue-tied.
But they could not just stand in the middle of the shop, staring awkwardly at each other.
‘Please, come through to the back room, it’s more comfortable there.’ Her voice came out surprisingly calmly, despite the frantic words spinning round in her head. Words that she was going to have to get into some sort of order before she would be able to say them to him.
He followed her through to the parlour. She took a seat, but he remained standing, so she stood up again. ‘Please, Nellie, sit down.’
Nellie sat and gestured to the other armchair. He sat down, then immediately stood up again, so Nellie followed his example and also stood. Now they were standing in the parlour staring awkwardly at each other instead of in the shop. It wasn’t much of an improvement.
Nellie knew she should say something. She just wished her brain, which could be so quick when she was being rude to people, could be just as quick when she was trying to tell the man she loved how she felt.
‘I came to apologise,’ he finally said, breaking the awkward silence. ‘I believe I insulted you the last time we spoke and I’m profoundly sorry for that.’ He paused, looked down at his hands, clenched in front of him, then back up at Nellie. ‘No, that’s wrong. I did insult you the last time we spoke and for that I am profoundly sorry.’
‘No...’ she shook her head ‘...you have nothing to apologise for.’
His face scrunched up into a pained expression and he closed his eyes. He opened them and took in a deep breath. ‘I’m doing all this wrong again and sounding pompous. I had a speech prepared and now that I’ve started to say it, I realise it’s not what I want to say at all. All I really want to do is tell you how I feel, what’s in my heart.’
‘Oh?’ Nellie gasped.
He turned his hands palm upwards. ‘I love you, Nellie. It’s as simple as that. I think I fell in love with you that first time I saw you in the servants’ hall at Hardgrave Estate. I know you were making fun of me, but you were so funny and so risqué. How could I not be captivated? I knew I should have been offended, but if anything I was envious of all the servants who were watching you, laughing and enjoying themselves. I also envied the man who would some day have you in his life, a woman who could make him laugh and make him laugh at himself.’
‘Oh?’ Nellie repeated, still tongue tied.
‘Then my love continued to grow. When we spent those days together in your room, despite my pain I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt so comfortable, so at home. But I’d also never met a woman who affected me so deeply. And I don’t just mean...’ He waved his hand in the air, causing Nellie to smile.
‘Oh, you mean that standing ovation you gave me when you saw me in my nightdress.’ Nellie bit her tongue. Once again she’d slipped into being cheeky and now was not the time for that.
He smiled back at her, that lovely smile that lit up his dark eyes. That smile Nellie had feared she would never see again. It seemed her comment hadn’t offended him. It seemed he was telling the truth, he enjoyed being teased by her.
‘Yes, that.’ He laughed lightly. ‘My standing ovation. But it’s not just that you’re the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.’ His face became more serious. ‘And you are beautiful, Nellie, you have a beautiful soul, a beautiful mind.’ He smiled, that lovely warm smile. ‘As well as a beautiful body. And when I finally did have you in my arms, I knew that was what I wanted, what I had to have. I realised I wanted you in my life, that I loved you.’
He looked down at his hands, clasping and unclasping in front of him. ‘Then I made that stupid, clumsy proposal, which you were right to turn down.’
‘Oh, yes, that.’ Nellie nodded. Now was her time to tell him what she felt, but her annoying brain was still blank.
‘I’m not surprised you said no,’ he said before she could formulate the words she was so desperate to say.
‘You’re not?’
‘No. I insulted you with my proposal and I’m sorry.’ He paused and drew in a deep breath. ‘What I should have said was, Nellie, you are a beautiful, clever, talented, funny, delightful and wonderful woman. I admire your talents. I admire the way you have made a successful life for yourself. I admire your way with people. After just one meeting with my sister you transformed her, made her see the joy in life, and that’s what you do with everyone. That’s what you’ve done with me. You make the world a joyful place with your fun and your laughter.’
He looked down, drew in a deep breath and looked back at her. ‘Nellie, I’m sorry I insulted you with my proposal. My mother married for love and I had never understood it. I thought she had thrown away everything she had, but now I realise how wrong I was. When I judged her harshly it was because I didn’t know what love meant. Now that I do, I realise that it is worth more than
