“Why?” Megan arched an eyebrow at me.
“Well, because,” I said. “I don’t want to have to be dependent on someone I barely know to feed me. It’s like being a baby again or something! I’m sure Ari must be doing it out of obligation or some other reason that only he knows, but it makes me feel really uncomfortable.”
“It doesn’t feel like an obligation to me when I give Griffin some of my blood,” Megan said quietly. “It’s a pure pleasure—a sensation of sharing something incredibly intimate with someone I love.”
“But Ari doesn’t love me!” I protested. “And I certainly don’t love him.”
“Well, maybe that could change in time,” Megan said lightly.
“I don’t see how,” I said darkly. “He’s a prince or whatever the Drake equivalent of a prince is and I’m just a nobody human who got turned into a nobody Nocturne.”
“Kaitlyn, you are not nobody,” Megan said fiercely. “You need to stop putting yourself down and feel your own self-worth. Remember what I’m always telling you?”
“Yes…” I sighed. “Nobody can make you feel inferior unless you let them.”
“That’s right,” Megan said decisively. “So don’t let anyone make you feel like that—not even you.”
I thought of how Ari had put his hand over my mouth when I started to put myself down. He had said that he wouldn’t let anyone speak badly of me—not even me. It was basically what Megan was saying too.
Maybe it was time to start listening.
I wanted to—I swear I did. But it was really hard to have self-esteem and see myself as a worthwhile person who was worthy of taking the vein of such a high-ranking Drake when I looked like I did and had just been cast off by the Breedloves like a piece of unwanted trash.
That kind of thing really messes with a girl’s self-confidence, you know?
“I’ll try,” I said to Megan. “I can’t promise anything but I’ll try to feel better about myself.”
“You can start by talking better about yourself,” she said firmly. “What you need is a self-affirmation mantra. Every time you start to have doubts about your self worth, just say to yourself, ‘I am a sweet, kind, wonderful person and I have people who love me.’”
“Oh, Megan…” Her words made me want to tear up but I knew I couldn’t cry in public anymore than I could puke—the blood tears would give my new Nocturne status away just as fast as vomiting a gout of crimson at the dinner table would.
So I didn’t cry, but I did hug her.
“You’re a wonderful, supportive friend,” I told her. “Thank you, Megan.”
“Anytime.” She hugged me back, hard and then we pulled apart and she went back to the sewing machine. “Now let me see if I can get the seam straight this time…”
46
Kaitlyn
I thought of my friend and her kind words to me as I made my way to the Drake’s Den before dinner. Megan and Avery and Emma and Griffin were the best Coven-mates anyone could ever hope for. I was so blessed to have them and…
My thoughts trailed off as I realized I didn’t know where I was going. Where was the Drake’s Den located again? I had been so out of it that morning when Ari brought me there, I had barely noticed where he was taking me, let alone how to get there.
Well, maybe if I went back to the History of Magic classroom and then retraced my steps from there I could find the secret room.
As I went, I looked up and down the long stone corridor where students were bustling by, putting up books and getting ready to go to the Dining Hall. Several times I saw little groups of girls, huddled in knots, talking together and looking at me speculatively.
I could just imagine what they were thinking—what they were saying.
What is Ari Reyes doing with that nasty, scarred little thing? What in the world does he see in her?
Suddenly I realized I was doing it again—putting myself down, just like I always did.
Stop it, I told myself firmly. I made myself lift my chin as I strode down the stone corridor. “I’m a sweet, kind, wonderful person and I have people who love me,” I murmured under my breath, pointedly ignoring all the curious glances thrown my way. “I’m a sweet, kind, wonderful person and I have people who love me.”
“I would certainly agree with that,” a deep voice said in my ear. “And I am glad to hear you speaking more kindly of yourself.”
I whirled around and saw Ari standing there, a slight smile playing around the corner of his lush mouth.
“Oh, you…you heard that?” I blurted.
He nodded and his smile widened.
“I did and as I said, I agree with it one hundred percent.”
I felt like my whole face was on fire with shame—how horribly embarrassing that he had heard the little mantra Megan had given me to say!
“I don’t really think—” I began but Ari cut me off by taking my hand and lacing our fingers together. Then he pulled me down the stone corridor as casually as though we were a couple and always held hands in the hallway. People stared as we went by but Ari didn’t seem to care. He kept his head high and his gaze open as he led me along.
At last, not far from the West Tower, he turned a corner that shouldn’t have been there and we found ourselves alone in a short stone hallway.
“Where are we? I mean—I know where we are but how did we get here?” I asked, looking around. “I was looking for the, uh, Drake Den when you found me but I didn’t see it anywhere.”
“That is because the doorway needs to be called,” he explained, as though it was an everyday thing to call a door into existence out of nowhere. “Watch—I know you weren’t up to absorbing this the last time we were
