Involuntarily, the corners of my mouth curved upward. “I’ve always wanted to go caroling, but hardly anyone in my circle does that kind of thing.”
“So, you wouldn’t mind?”
“Are you kidding? I would enjoy it very much.”
He took my hand and led me past the others who were still standing around, discussing their upcoming dates. We strode out the back door and headed to his vehicle, parked not far away. The air was so cold we could see our breath, and I was glad I had brought an extra warm jacket. The snow crunched beneath our feet as we walked to the car, and I inwardly jumped for joy that I wouldn’t have to give Clay up for the evening. I texted Sabrina and told her what happened. She was as overjoyed at the turn of events as I knew she would be.
Clay drove us to the steak place and a hostess sat us at a corner table, away from most of the other guests. He ordered a huge plate of food with steak and potatoes, and I ordered barbeque ribs with macaroni and cheese. Once our waitress brought our food out to us, we both dug in as if we hadn’t eaten in days.
After a while, Clay leaned back in his chair and surveyed me with a gleam in his eye. “You’re starting to feel more at ease with me. I like it.”
I bit into an oversized spoonful of macaroni and cheese and couldn’t say anything since I had food in my mouth. Clay waited for me to chew my food and gulp it down, amusement all over his face.
“What do you mean?” I forked another noodle.
“You’re not trying to act dainty or pretend you only eat salads. You picked barbeque ribs, for one thing.” He gestured to the corner of my mouth and then the other, indicating I had sauce on my face.
I used a napkin to clean it up. “Is it gone?”
He nodded. “Yep.”
“Guess I do feel at ease, considering you’re not the type of man to care what a woman eats or how she eats it for that matter.”
He chuckled. “See? You already know how I operate.” He put his fork down and took a sip of his iced tea and then he gave me an amused look, the humor in his eyes flickering like fireflies lighting the night sky.
“What? Why are you giving me that look?”
He paused for a long moment and then cleared his throat. “Just enjoying the fact that my future wife has an appetite and can enjoy a good meal with me.”
My jaw dropped open a little. “Future wife?”
“Yep. That’s what I said.”
“You can’t just refer to me as your future wife.” I pointed my fork in his direction. “We barely just started dating.”
“Doesn’t matter. I know you’re the one.”
My heart instantly warmed at his words, making me feel all melty on the inside, like the chocolate fondue used for strawberries and other sweet treats. “You can’t know that.” But I really hoped he did.
“I can and I do.” He laid his arms flat on the table and leaned forward, his expression completely serious now. “I’ve never had trouble figuring out what I want, and you, Jazmin, are exactly what I want.” He fell back against his chair and crossed his arms at his chest with a look of determination. “Unless you have a deep dark secret you haven’t told me about.” He laughed as if the idea was preposterous and the furthest thing from his thoughts.
My skin tingled, and I felt the blood rush from my face, my pulse speeding up like someone had dropped a firecracker right behind me. Little did he know there actually was a secret, and while it might not be dark or horrifying, it was strong enough to cause a rift.
Suddenly, I couldn’t go on like this anymore, pretending we were perfect for each other when I knew I wasn’t what he was looking for. He wanted a woman who could bear his children, and that would never happen as long as he was with me.
The moment I realized I couldn’t wait until the two weeks were up to tell him about my infertility issues, my heart began to ache and tears burned my eyelids. I ducked my head and studied my food so he wouldn’t notice, but it was no use. Everything I did caught his attention and today was no different.
“Jazmin, what’s wrong? What did I say?”
“I haven’t been upfront with you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I…”
The waitress came to check on us to see if we needed anything, and I was grateful for the interruption. It was enough time to take a breath and prepare myself for the inevitable. Still, I hoped he would be understanding and not write me off completely. After she refilled our water glasses and left, Clay glanced at me, concern showing on his features.
“Finish what you were about to say.”
I held my head up, squared my shoulders. Did my best to put on a brave face. “I can’t have children, and I’ve known that for years.”
His eyes widened, and he opened his mouth and closed it like he wasn’t sure what to say. He swallowed hard, and there was a vulnerability about him, almost as if I’d just slapped him.
I waited for him to say something. Anything. But I had completely stunned him. And not only that, but his eyes flashed with sadness and a deeper emotion: devastation.
My heart broke at that moment because my news had done exactly what I’d thought it would.
