“Mom,” I stop her. “Don’t. She’s friends with Abbie and the rest of them. I’ve seen her on occasion, and Penny likes her. That’s all.”
“You could be friends with her, too.” The way my mom emphasizes friends means anything but actual friends.
“My priority is raising Penny, not dating women.” I move from the pen and remove my hat, wiping my forehead.
“Sweetie, your dad and I have watched you for years be the best father to that girl as you put your life on hold and use fatherhood as an excuse to close yourself up. I know you’re hurting. None of us expected Hadley to leave the way she did. To leave at all. But it’s time you start living your life again. What will you do when Penny’s old enough to go out with friends, leave for college, get married, and have her own kids?” Her lips turn down, and her eyes crinkle. She reaches for my hand and squeezes gently, but I don’t budge.
“I’m not ready.”
Tilting her head, my mom smiles sadly. “Will you ever truly be ready unless you actually make an effort to move on? It’s been five years.”
“I can’t talk about this right now,” I say when I notice Penny heading out of the house with her cousins.
“I want to see you happy.”
“I am happy.”
With pursed lips, my mom places her hand on my cheek. I avoid her eyes until she starts speaking. “The same way Penny will always be your little girl, you’ll always be my little boy. I’d move heaven and earth to make sure you’re happy. Right now, you’re not. You haven’t been truly happy since she left. I want my boy back.”
I take a deep breath and place my hand over hers. “I’m trying, Mom, I’m trying.”
She nods and releases me, kissing my cheek. Nothing else is left to say. Hadley shattered me in the most unexpected way possible. The whole town was shocked when they learned she had left. Most neighbors offered their support and brought diapers and wipes, things I’d need to care for Penny. Some even offered to help babysit if I ever needed it.
It was a rough time. I was lost, confused, and heartbroken. I wouldn’t sleep as I’d replay every single detail of our relationship, from beginning to end to see if at some point Hadley had said something that contradicted the life we were building together. I came up empty. We’d always communicated and been open with each other. She was ecstatic when she found out she was pregnant, even if unplanned and earlier than we originally wanted.
No matter how many nights I’d take myself down the same rabbit hole of memories, when dawn broke, I’d come back with the same conclusion: she didn’t love us enough.
If she had, she would’ve fought to stay. She would’ve talked to me, made a plan, and worked on having everything we both wanted without running away. Instead, all I got was an, I’m sorry, a bullshit explanation that having a child wasn’t what she imagined, and the ghost of a kiss on the cheek that still haunts me.
I couldn’t stop her no matter how much I begged. No matter how much I held Penny toward her. Her mind had been made up, and the one thing I learned about Hadley early on was that when she made up her mind, there was nothing in the world that could change it.
I was left a broken man at the age of twenty-four with a six-month-old daughter and no cure for the pain in my soul. I couldn’t neglect Penny, though. Since the day she was born, she was my world. Since before then, but when the doctor placed her in my arms, I felt a new kind of love. One that helped me show up each day for her after her mom left and that could triumph anything. Now, according to my mom, that love was holding me back from living.
Clenching my jaw, I shake my head and get back to work. I’ve had enough emotions today to last me a while.
When I get home, I see Abbie’s car parked in our driveway. I hear Penny’s voice from the front door and chuckle. She must be talking Abbie’s ear off.
“Hey,” I say as I walk into the living room.
“Hi,” Abbie smiles. “Penny invited me to go shopping today?” She lifts her eyebrows.
I chuckle and nod. She clearly wanted company. “She wants to find something to wear for the sock hop,” I explain.
“So I hear. She was telling me how excited she is for it, isn’t that right?” Penny bursts into laughter as Abbie tickles her ribs.
“Yes!” she squeals, trying to fight Abbie off.
“Let me shower, and we’ll go,” I tell them, running up the stairs and getting ready.
Penny is something else. She was hell-bent on having someone come with us when we shopped for her outfit, and if Sutton wouldn’t be it, Abbie would. It’ll be good to spend time with Abbie, though.
What my mom told me earlier has stuck to my mind, and maybe Abbie can help clear it up. She’s the closest person I have, growing up like siblings. If anyone knows me well enough, it’s her.
After showering and riding into town, Penny rushes us to Kids Boutique and begins sorting through the different dresses and poodle skirts they have available for the sock hop.
“I love that they always bring in costumes for the kids. It helps keep the spirit alive with the younger generation,” Abbie says as she picks out a dress and shows Penny, who furiously shakes her head.
“Well, I wish they had it in my size,” Abbie says, looking at the pink and white dress.
“I love this one.” Penny points to a dress on the rack, and I help bring it down, my mind preoccupied.
When she’s in the dressing room, I look at Abbie. “Do you think I use Penny as an excuse to hide behind?”
Her pursed lips are response enough, but that doesn’t stop her
