“Daddy, are you spying on me?” Penny giggles wildly, as I’m caught red-handed staring at her.
“Busted,” I smirk, walking into her room. “Are you playing with your doll?”
“I’m trying to learn how to do a braid. My friends always have their hair in braids, and I don’t know how to do one.” Penny frowns, staring at her doll.
Closing my eyes for a second, I release a deep, sorrowful breath. “How about I learn to braid and teach you?” I offer, hoping Abbie can teach me how to braid Penny’s hair.
“Really?” Her eyes light up. “Thank you!” She jumps on her feet and hugs me. I carry her and hold her to me.
“Do you want to help me cook dinner? Grandma and Grandpa are going out tonight, so it’s just you and me.”
“Can we make cookies?” Penny looks at me with wide, hopeful eyes.
“It’s Monday, and you’ve got school tomorrow. How about this weekend?”
“Okay.” She nods, wrapping her small hands around my neck and cuddling into my chest. Inhaling the peace she provides, I walk her to the kitchen and sit her on the counter.
“How about we make spaghetti and meatballs?” I ask her.
“Yes! Can I make the meatballs?”
I nod and bring out the ground beef while the water for the spaghetti comes to a boil. Penny and I mix the beef with seasoning before she takes charge of forming the meatballs into uneven balls. I smile as I watch her tongue peek out of the side of her mouth as she concentrates on keeping the meatballs as even as possible.
Background music plays on my phone, and we sing together while we cook. After stirring the pasta, I look at her and find Penny rolling a meatball on her thigh.
“Penny,” I chuckle. “What are you doing?”
“I needed to roll it somewhere.” She shrugs and places it on the plate, pleased with her work. “Daddy, can you carry me to the sink?” She lifts her hands with puppy-dog eyes that I know I can’t turn down.
Smiling, I shake my head and carry her like Superman toward the sink. Her shrieks and giggles fill our home.
“Do that again!” Penny cheers as she dries her hands.
I hold her around her stomach, and she brings her arms out, ready to fly this time. I move her around the kitchen like a superhero, her laughter growing louder.
Penny’s hands land on my shoulder when I carry her on my hip, her breathing heavy as she tries to control her giggles.
“That was fun.” She sways in my arms.
Smiling, I move us to the song that’s playing before setting her on her feet and twirling her around. Penny dances with me, her smile blinding as we both belt out to the song that’s playing.
“I love you, Daddy,” Penny sighs as she catches her breath when the song ends.
“Love you, too.” I kiss the top of her head and finish cooking.
Moments like this are when everything is right in the world, and the past fades away like invisible ink. But like that ink, the past still lingers, appearing when light shines on it.
After I’ve put Penny to bed and am sure she’s asleep, I reach into the box in the back of my closet and sit on my bed, lighting the past as I lay it out in front of me. Photos of Hadley and me, letters we wrote to each other, broken promises and washed out smiles stare back at me.
Running a hand down my face, I take a steadying breath and will my heart to slow down. I pick up the picture of us at Homecoming, me in my football uniform, and her in her long gown as we stand on the field with crowns on our heads. I have no idea what happened to those two kids who believed we’d beat the odds. Now, all that’s left are the ashes of a runaway queen and a lost king with a broken crown.
Revisiting the past is never a smart choice. I’ve accepted what my life is now, but I still question how these memories never foreshadowed my reality.
Shaking my head, I take another deep breath and box up the memories. There’s no use in going back when the only way to move is forward. The image of a blonde crosses my mind so fast I almost miss it. Could she be in my future?
After Hadley left, I didn’t think I’d ever meet someone else. I didn’t want to. The pain I felt was too great to ever put myself in that position again. My priority was Penny and providing for her. I worked my ass off harder than I ever had, and I made sure she never lacked anything she wanted, especially love. She may only have one parent, but I’d love her with the love of a thousand so long as it meant keeping my little girl happy.
But now… Now, a woman comes roaming around town with a bright light around her, and I’m questioning if she’s worth breaking my own promise of never falling in love again.
Hadley was my one and only. I haven’t dated, slept, or flirted with anyone else. I’ve been in my own world, keeping to myself where I once was the life of the party. Going home after work when I used to go for a drink with friends. Hadley took my life with her when she left, but I know it’s up to me to get that back. I owe it to myself and my daughter to be the man I am instead of a watered-down version of himself.
How can I expect Penny to truly be herself and enjoy everything life has to offer if I don’t live by example?
Grabbing a beer from the fridge, I head out to the front porch and look at the stars that twinkle above.
