Is she…?
She is. She’s pressing her body back against it, snuggling in even tighter, closer.
She suddenly goes rigid, regaining her senses. Her eyes wide as she gasps, and then feeling my body against hers, registering my arousal too, I hope… she relaxes back into my arms.
“You kinda fainted,” I observe, shaking my head slightly in disbelief as I watch her nodding face up close.
She’s just so goddamn perfect.
“I dreamt I was meeting Tony Fontana,” she murmurs, her eyes misting over and then narrowing again before closing.
I find my face drawing closer to hers. The urge to kiss her is beyond a thought, its pure instinct now.
I can’t though, not without her permission, I won’t kiss her until she’s ready or wants to kiss me.
Not until she gives herself to me.
I’d never force myself on a girl, especially Ashlee. She’ll be mine, but it has to be what she wants.
That’s what has me so messed up. It feels so right, so perfect… but I can’t be a hundred percent it’s what she wants too.
Yet.
Her eyes flutter again and then open wide. “You gonna hold me all day?” she asks, starting to look sheepish, letting me know she’s recovered herself.
“If I put you down though…” I start to say, noting her cocking a brow as her mouth opens a little before she bites her lip.
“Uh huh?” she whispers, almost whimpering again, and I feel her heartbeat start to course through her whole body, her chest thickening for me all over again as my own ache becomes almost unbearable.
“If I put you down, I’ll only want to hold you again,” I confess, feeling my own face flush and my pulse thunder from my ribs down to my groin.
She looks away, flushing harder and I feel like I’ve embarrassed her instead of complimenting her.
“You’re just saying that,” she muses, frowning and looking toward the door.
“Did my mom really leave?” she asks, changing the subject.
“Is she really your mom?” I ask, “…sorry,” I add, regretting the question instantly.
Well, this is getting more awkward by the fucking minute… what happened to holding her… kissing her?
“She’s not my real mom,” Ashlee murmurs. Her clear blue eyes settle on mine with a flash of rebelliousness in them, which I like.
A lot.
“Foster mom,” she confides. “I’m old enough to find my real mom if I want, but Stacy’s gotten me this far.”
Her voice drifts off, but her eyes stay on me, a sadness fills them though. Not a selfish sadness, but the sadness of not knowing something. The sadness of being left behind and never knowing why.
I know the look, I’ve seen it in the mirror sometimes when rehearsing for a role, even though I’ve never had to pretend it.
It comes naturally to me, although I never had foster parents.
Ward of the state care for me… the not so easy street that made me vow to move into and live on easy street for the rest of my days.
“What is it?” Ashlee asks, suddenly looking like she’s said too much, ruined the moment maybe.
“Nothing.” I assure her. “I’m gonna put you down now, but I don’t want you going anywhere. Not after a fainting spell like that.”
“You look sad though… do you want me to go?” she asks, a genuine pout forming on her sweet lips.
“No! You’re not going anywhere,” I assure her, patting her arm gently to let her know she’s safe.
“Do you believe in fate?” I ask her, surprising myself with my question. Her answer surprises me even more.
“Depends who it involves,” she says, almost teasing.
I kneel down by the bed, so I’m not towering over her, but also so I can be closer to her.
“I’m not dreaming, am I?” she asks me, and I shake my head with some authority, reaching out to stroke her face but again, holding back.
I think she wants me to, but thinking and doing are two very different things.
She’s so shy and I’m so certain, but certainly confused.
“Tell me you want to stay,” is all I can ask her now. “Tell me you…”
She clutches my hand, and holding it against her face like a pillow of relief, I notice just how big I am compared to her.
Her fingers wrap around mine, her breath shuddering as her mouth opens, I can see her wanting to put a finger in her mouth.
My heart is in my mouth, willing her to show me what she wants.
Then the fucking phone rings.
CHAPTER FIVE
Ashlee
I remember my mom leaving, then standing close to Tony again. Then everything gets cloudy. I know I’m not sick or anything, just overwhelmed, I guess.
I feel his hand on mine, then I’m in his arms at some point. It feels like I’m floating in a dream where I meet Tony Fontana.
A dream I’ve had before but know it feels more real than ever.
His face is so close to mine, all I want him to do is kiss me but he won’t for some reason.
He asks me about fate, and all I can think about is him asking me more questions about my mom.
Maybe that’s what he really likes, he could have any girl though… so why me?
I say something stupid and before I can fix it, before I can draw out this moment, a phone rings somewhere.
A house phone, and it sounds close by.
Tony’s eyes narrow and he makes a low sound of disgust, but in a second he’s upright and lurching towards a landline phone.
Who knew people still even have those?
I half worry about Tony’s mood again, until he turns to face me. His mouth creases into a smile as he shoots me a little wink before he speaks, making me grateful I’m laying down still as I feel myself swoon all over again.
He’s an actor alright.
I remind myself. I have to remind myself as he talks in english, and then fluent french to whoever’s on the
