“Not at all,” Shade replies without a hint of sarcasm in his voice. “Everyone’s magic feels different. Mine feels a bit prickly--like, itchy, you know? Sometimes it can be hard to pinpoint it at first.”
“I’ll say,” I mutter.
“But you’re already a step ahead of the game if you can recognize it,” Shade continues. “It took me nearly a month just to get that part down.”
“Really?” I raise my eyebrows. “You seem so confident.”
“Damn right, I’m confident,” Shade replies. “But I was a late bloomer. Anyway, I want you to close your eyes.”
“But I already did that,” I protest. “In every class I’ve had, they say that’s the first--”
Shade holds up a hand. “Who’s the one doing the teaching, here?”
I give an exasperated sigh. “Okay, fine.” My eyes drift closed. “Now what? They kept talking about trying to concentrate so I can find my magic, but I have no idea how.”
Shade snorts. “And that there is why the teachers at this school are idiots. It’s not about concentrating, Boots--it’s the opposite. It’s about letting go.”
“Letting go?”
“Yeah. Hippies might call it meditation, but I like to think of it more as letting your senses experience the world around you. In my experience, the key isn’t to focus on the magic itself--that’s like trying to hold on to water. You can’t force these things.”
“So then how am I supposed to control it?” I ask.
“You have to let it come to you,” replies Shade. “And the best way to do that, at least at the start, is to stop trying so hard.” There’s the sound of crunching leaves, and I open my eyes to see that Shade has moved closer to me, standing to my right. There’s silence between us, but I’m intensely aware of his proximity to me. If he moves any closer, his chest would be brushing my shoulder. “Here,” he says, putting his hands on my shoulders. “Don’t be so tense. Let your body relax. And keep your eyes closed, damn it.”
“Okay, okay.” I do as I’m told, and I feel his hands gently smooth my shoulders down. I didn’t even realize how much tension I was carrying until just now.
Slowly, Shade moves one hand to my lower back. “That’s it,” he says. “Now take a deep breath. Forget about the magic, forget about where we are, forget about everything. Just listen to the forest and let the world around you come in.” He goes quiet again, and I take a slow breath in, trying to force myself not to think about the magic itself.
Instead, I focus on the sounds of the woods around me: the rustling of animals in the high tree branches, the gentle whisper of wind, the distant chirping of birds. I can still feel Shade’s hand on my spine, and its presence is both comforting and thrilling.
“There you go,” Shade murmurs, his voice close to my ear. It sends a shiver up my back. “Now, when you’re ready, start feeling for the magic. Don’t try to grab onto it. Just become aware of it.” His other hand moves to my stomach. “Look for it here,” he says quietly.
I don’t know if I’ve ever been so flustered in all my life, but even still, as I continue to breathe, absorbing the feeling of Shade’s hands and the sounds of the forest, I gradually become aware of something below his hand, in my abdomen. It’s that familiar, cold feeling, like a pool in the pit of my stomach. For a moment I feel a surge of triumph. It’s working! I force myself not to pounce on it, instead just continuing to feel it. It’s almost comforting, like meeting an old friend who you haven’t seen for a long time. “Do you feel it?” Shade asks quietly.
“Yes,” I breathe, my voice barely above a whisper.
He hums in approval. “The key is to not jump on it. Just let it do its thing, okay? When you’re ready, visualize your form. Think of every detail.”
“Okay,” I reply, taking another deep breath as I let an image come to mind. A wolf: not a werewolf, but a timber wolf, with gray-brown fur and bright, watchful eyes. I remember what I can about the partial transformation I managed earlier--the texture of the fur, the way the muscles felt, and throw myself into perfecting the image, all the while aware of the cold sensation of my magic running through me. And just like that, I can feel the energy start to branch out, flooding through my body like a cooling wave.
The hairs on my arms stand on end, bristling into fur, and my muscles lengthen. Then I’m leaning forward, dropping onto all fours as my senses grow even more powerful. I can feel my teeth changing, the shape of my skull shifting under my skin into something canine and primal. And then I’m on the forest floor, feeling like both a human and an animal, the current of shapeshifting magic buzzing through my body.
“Yes!” cries Shade. “You did it, Boots!”
For a moment I’m afraid to open my eyes, afraid I’ll lose this progress, but I slowly allow them to come open, looking down to see that my body is no longer human. It’s lupine, and enormous--larger than a wolf has any right to be. The smells of the woods are enhanced, and my vision feels more acute. I feel strong… powerful. And I’m all wolf, no other clan features to be found. I turn back to Shade, watching as he grins electrifyingly at me…
And then the breakfast bell rings, its loud chime echoing all the way across the campus to where we are. It startles me, and in a split second I lose the thread, bursting back into my human form in an instant. Now I’m just a girl
