Onanother shuddering breath, he said, “She’d slashed her wrists with a drinkingglass. I’ve never seen so much fucking blood. After they carted her off, I hadhours of interviews and paperwork, and I’d completely lost track of my phone.When I realized I didn’t have it, I tore the room apart and figured someonegrabbed it by accident during the chaos. After I tried calling you from theroom, I called Verizon to turn off my phone. It never occurred to meYamila got hold of it. I don’t know how she did, but that’s what must’vehappened. She must’ve picked up your call before I got the damn thing shut off,which she could’ve done without unlocking it. I bet that’s how she got yournumber.”
“Howcould she manage all that with her injuries?”
“Turnsout she hadn’t gone very deep, and I heard later she was released the nextday.” Was he getting through to her? He couldn’t tell. “So this video. You sureit was me?”
“Positive.”
“Itmakes no sense. She must have doctored it somehow. I really need to see it.”
Thebarista refilled Andie’s hot water and topped off his coffee. Though it wasblack, he stirred it, his eyes on Andie.
Hereached across the table, palm up. “Marry me, Andie. We’ll get this workedout.”
Hermouth swung open. In disbelief? Panic? Disgust? It wasn’t delight he saw inthose green eyes. His stomach jerked.
“Thisisn’t a joke, Beck. How can you even say that? What if it’s not yours?” Thepitch of her voice was shrill.
Not theanswer he’d hoped for, and fear slid though his veins in icy slivers thatthreatened to impale his bared heart.
“I’mnot joking, and I don’t give a shit who the father is. I want to be there. Iwant to be the guy who goes out at midnight and gets you pickles and ice cream.I want to go to the Le Mans classes and be in the delivery room when the babycomes.” He stared at her, his breathing ragged. “If the paternity test comesback negative, I’ll still raise the kid, even if it means Adrian FuckingPaulson is a festering thorn in my side the rest of my life.”
She letout a mirthless laugh. “They’re childbirth classes, not driving classes.Lamaze, not Le Mans. But you’re serious, aren’t you?”
“Neverbeen more serious in my life. I love you, Andie, and I’ve never said that toanyone but my mom. I’m all in.” Was he making any headway?
Thehard line of her mouth softened for an instant. “Look, Beck, we had a greattime, and I let myself be one more notch in your bedpost. I’m a big girl, and Iknew what I was getting into. No hard feelings. But I don’t want to be marriedto someone I can’t trust, someone who’ll be notching more conquests. I’ve donethat, and it sucks.”
“Goddamnit, you’re not a notch! You never were. And that wasn’t just a ‘great time.’Not to me.”
As ifshe didn’t hear him, she prattled on. “The competition’s tight: swimsuitmodels, actresses, players’ moms, just to name a few.”
“Pleasedon’t do this. I don’t want them! I want you.”
Shepaused a beat. “You think you do, but what about two months from now? Twoyears? Tigers don’t change their stripes, Beck.”
“Youthink so little of me—and yourself—that it’s a foregone conclusion I’ll chaseevery skirt. What happened to ‘people can change if they want to’?”
“Youdon’t have a great track record.”
Hewanted to throw his head back and yell. Instead, he swallowed hard. “I admitI’ve used lousy judgment in the past, and this shit with Yamila is the price Ipay for that judgment. You shouldn’t be dragged into my mistakes, ever, and itpisses me off beyond belief that she’s done that. But give me a break, Andie.You gave Adrian chance after chance, but I don’t even get one shot?”
She satstone-faced, those damn arms like a castle wall over her chest. Why did he feelas though he were drowning in the moat?
“You’rekilling what we have before it gets out of the gate, Andie. Look, I don’t haveall the answers, but I want to build a life with you and the baby in yourbelly. I want to spend nights on the couch watching TV with my arm around youor sitting down to dinner with you wearing my shirt and a pair of socks. I wantto wake up in the morning and my shoulder’s numb because your head’s been thereall night. I want you in bed with me when I fall asleep. I love that. This isnot about sex. It’s about how I feel when I’m with you, which is so incredibleI can’t describe it, and all I can think of is how I want more. When I’m notwith you, I’m so damn miserable, I can’t describe that either.”
Sheturned her head and looked out the window. His chest hollowed.
Hepulled out his phone and checked the time. “Shit, I gotta go.” Snatchingglimpses at her profile, he ordered an Uber. As he rose, his heart like amillstone, he added, “You might want to take a closer look at yourself.”
Shesnapped her head back and scowled at him, her eyes red and brimming with unshedtears. “What does that mean?”
“Itmeans you’re scared, like me, and you’re holding yourself back, holding us back.First it was your statute of limitations on the divorce. Now it’s this messwith Yamila, and you’re choosing to believe the worst because it gets you off thehook. You’ve convinced yourself you won’t get hurt if you run away, which isbullshit. Being in love is a first for me, and it’s fucking terrifying. But atleast I’m willing to try—because the alternative is even more terrifying. Iwant you in my life. God, so bad it aches, Andie.”
Shedidn’t move. Just stared at him with those eyes.
Hislungs deflated. “You know where to find me.”
Outside,he stuck in his earbuds and rocked on the balls of his feet as he waited forhis ride. Maroon 5’s “Unkiss Me” came on his playlist, and he mumbled alonguntil a gluey mass wedged in his throat and he couldn’t sing anymore.
.~ * * *
