Paige’smouth swung open as she searched for something to say. She came up empty.
“I waspretty screwed up,” Mom continued. “Seeing you only sporadically was mostly myfault, but it was Grandma’s too. She said I was a bad influence. She protectedyou like a mama bear, Paige. She loved you so much.” Her voice cracked. “I, ah,don’t know anything about Cliff’s people, so be careful if you start digging.You’re a brave girl with such a huge heart. And trusting. Just like yourgrandma. I wish I’d been more like her.”
Wasthis conversation really happening? “But you did trust Cliff. And I trusted Adrian.”
“Iknow. We put faith in the wrong people, but that doesn’t make us wrong. You learnand move on. Don’t let Adrian’s disloyalty keep you from trusting again, oryou’ll miss out. Just like I’ve done for decades. If I hadn’t let Ken in, letmyself love again, how sad would that be? Now I have my best friend and thelove of my life.”
Dazed,Paige stared out the window, vaguely aware of two squirrels scratching bark asthey chased one another up and down a tree.
“Paige,love is messy, and it’s painful because our hearts choose who we fall in lovewith, and hearts aren’t rational. They can drive us to do crazy things. Findsomeone who fits you like a comfortable pair of jeans. If he makes your bloodbubble, even better.”
Idid find him, Mom. And I let him go.
.~ * * * ~.
Paige pulled on her coat and slid behind the wheel of her truck.A half hour later, she sat on a stone bench by Grandma’s grave, where she’djust laid fresh flowers. She tugged her collar tight to her neck.
“I knowit’s not your birthday, Grandma, but we need to talk.” Paige looked around. Noone was watching.
“So Momtold me about my father, and I’ve gotta say, I’m beyond shocked. I have so manyemotions ricocheting inside me right now. And so many questions. Questions Iwish you could answer. Like why you never told me? All this time, I thought mydad didn’t know about me or wanted nothing to do with me. I thought I wasn’tspecial enough. And you’re partly to blame for that. He wasn’t around becausehe’s dead, not because he didn’t want me. I get that you were protecting me,but do you understand what a difference knowing the truth would have made in mylife?” Her heart felt as though barbed wire dragged across it.
“Andnow the person I would normally run to isn’t there anymore. He was my bestfriend, and I drove him away. He said I was chicken, and you know what,Grandma? He was right. The first crisis, and I immediately jumped to the worstconclusion. I didn’t let him defend himself. I acted as though he broke myheart, but he didn’t. I was looking for an excuse. I thought he would leave metoo, so I beat him to the punch.” Now the barbed wire wrapped around Paige’sheart and tightened. She heaved a sob. “God, I miss him. I love him so much.Why didn’t I admit it sooner?”
Shepicked at a tissue clutched in her hand. “Grandma, he has the most beautifulblue eyes. And you thought Crash Davis was hot? You should see Beckett! Buthe’s also considerate and generous and loyal. He’s funny. He called childbirthclasses Le Mans classes.” She chuckled aloud, then dabbed at her nose.
“Hisdownside? He’s a charmer. A playboy.” A little sigh escaped her. “But peoplecan change if they want to, right? You taught me that. And to be honest,he has changed. He’s not that guy anymore.”
Amongthe birds’ trills, a quiet voice sounded in Paige’s head. “You’re a smart girl,sweetheart. Trust yourself.”
Paigelooked over her shoulder. No one there. “I’m so scared,” she whispered. “Whatif I’m wrong again? What if he breaks my heart?”
“Whatif you let him go, and he finds happiness with someone else? You’ll have alifetime to wonder what could’ve been. A lifetime of regret.” The wordscame as though carried on a breeze, and Paige’s heart lightened.
“He hasa swagger, Grandma. I like it.” Like no one before him, he’d made Paige feelbewitching and beautiful and every bit the woman to his man. Just thinking ofhow her body had attuned to his unleashed tendrils of desire through her. AndI like that about him too.
Chirpingcame from a high branch, and Paige looked up. A bird twitched its tail at her.She swung her eyes back to the gravestone. “What do I do now?”
.~ * * * ~.
Days later, Paige moved aside the slim file she’d begunbuilding on Cliff Hartwig with little idea what she’d do with the bits she’dgathered. She’d discovered a picture of her father smiling devilishly into thecamera, his dimple on full display. Her dimple. Warmth radiated in thatsmile, a warmth that reinforced the notion he’d loved his baby girl.
Now shewas riveted to the TV for the Flyers’ do-or-die game. Lose tonight, and theywould be eliminated from the playoffs. She’d watched the whole series, favoringthe Metropolitan showdown over her hometown Central Division. It was atraitorous secret she shared with only Gwenn, and tonight Gwenn watched thesame game in Seattle.
Theteams were still warming up, and Beckett skated across Paige’s screen,connecting her to him somehow. How she loved watching his big body move,picturing every muscle, mole and scar under his gear. Tenderness flooded her,chased by regret.
Herphone buzzed, and she turned on her Bluetooth to pick up Gwenn’s call.
“Henrytook the kids for pizza, so I’ve got an uninterrupted hour. Whoa, love the longhair on Beckett. He’s looking mighty fine,” Gwenn exclaimed.
Hishelmet was off. His hair didn’t quite reach his shoulders, and it flutteredbehind him when he sped up. “The perfect flow.” Paige laughed. “And all thosewomen holding up signs agree he’s looking fine. I wonder if he sees them?” Andif he’ll take any of them home tonight?
“Nah,he’s so used to that crap. He’s in the zone when he’s out there.”
“That’swhat he said once when I asked him. And the times he lets outside thoughts in,he screws up.”
“Soevery time he messes up, he’s thinking of you,” Gwenn chortled.
“What?No, he’s not.” A flush warmed Paige’s body. “I
