Her brows scrunched together. FrownyMcFrownface. “Because?”
Fuck. Because I’m T.J. Shanstrom.
Her glossy hair reflected the light in shimmering gold. Helonged to reach out and tangle his hand in it again, feel its silky texturesift through his fingers.
Checking the urge, he sagged with regret. “Because I’m allkinds of fucked up, Natalie.” And being around youis making me in-fucking-sane. He raked his fingersthrough his hair. “I should go.”
She blinked rapidly, then seemed to retreat, hooding hereyes. A too-casual smile curved her lips, masking her blush of embarrassment.“Was it that bad?”
It was his turn to blink. “Was what that bad?”
“The kiss. I am a little rusty.”
Stunned, he reared back as if she’d slapped him. “Jesus, no!How can you think that?”
On a chuckle, she waved her hand between them. “You’restanding there, I’m over here, and now you’re leaving.”
Fan-fucking-tastic.Best kiss of my life, and she thinks … Nice job,asshole. “The truth …” he stammered.
Dark eyebrows arched expectantly.
A groan rose inside him; he stuffed it back down with asharp inhale. “Truth is kissing you was un-fucking-believable. But if I do itagain, I won’t be able to stop myself. And you don’t want that.” Astonishmentshone in her eyes. “You deserve a good guy, Natalie, not someone likeme, who will only disappoint you.”
She stared at him a beat. “Not sure how you could disappointme, but let’s just, um, hit the reset button. Pretend it didn’t happen and goback to what we were doing.”
Which was me ogling you, fantasizing about kissingyou. Nope, pretty sure pretending isn’t going to wipe that kiss from my mind.
She shot him an impish grin. “C’mon. Don’t let me feelawkward all alone here.”
His shoulders dropped a few inches in relief, and his lipstwitched in a smile. He hadn’t realized how tightly wound he’d been.
“Ah. Good. There’s one of those elusive smiles,” she teased.
“Hey, I’m always smiling,” he said feebly.
“Says the guy who broods half the time.” She pointed at himand looked sideways as if she were speaking to someone. “Yo!We’ve got a brooder here!”
He snorted, grateful for the lighter vibe. “You’re such asmartass. Who says I brood?”
Her index finger tapped her chin. “Oh, you brood.”
“Watch it,” he mocked. “I’ve been getting in touch with myfeminine side, and I might burst into tears at any moment.”
A loud scoff as she picked up theknife and went back to work. “Is that all men think women do? Cry?”
He shrugged. “No. We’re just envious because we don’t have asuperpower as awesome as yours. Not to shine your apples or anything, but one tear—justone—can bring a man to his knees. It’s like kryptonite, and it’s damnterrifying.”
Eyes on the cutting board, she shook her head and chuckled.
Covertly, he stared at her for a beat while the memory ofkissing her flickered through his head. He ached to kiss her again. Over and over.
She sent him a conspiratorial look, as though she knew abouthis very alert dick still straining his fly. Hell, she did know becausehe’d been grinding it against her only minutes ago.
This goes no further.
Sadness, staggering loneliness swept through him, catchinghim off guard. He’d been closed off for so long, and this … this whateverflaring between them … tore him open, laying him bare.
He craved the closeness—he craved her—like his lungscraved air, yet self-preservation overpowered him, urging him to sprint for hislife.
Women you love leave. All the time.Never forget that.
Preparing to go, he tried to swallow around the puck lodgedin his throat.
.~* * * ~.
An hour later, stretched out on hisbed, hands clasped behind his head, T.J. stared at Natalie’s framed eyeshanging on his bedroom wall. He’d once more skated away from the inevitable,and while it didn’t make him proud, he was thankful to catch his breath. Liveanother day in a world where Natalie Amber Eyes didn’t hate him.
Those amber eyes. He hadn’t beeninspired to create anything since the night he’d painted them. Maybe he’d usedup every ounce of talent he had, and he’d never paint again. Had the Jamesoninspired him? Nope. He’d had plenty of Jameson before without being roused tothat level. Had to be those eyes and the girl they belonged to.
I am so fucked.
Ford hopped up beside him and circled once before settlingin, head on T.J.’s shoulder. This time the dog laid a paw on his stomach, asthough offering comfort.
T.J. stroked his head and ears while the dog nudged hispalm. “Yeah, you get it. She’ll never want to see us again when I tell her thetruth.” How did I get myself into this mess? An overdoseof stupidity and a stroke of lunacy. “At least I got you out of thedeal, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I wouldn’t change that for theworld, buddy. Nope, I wouldn’t.”
The dog’s adoring, cross-eyed stare fastened on him. “Whatif I were just some random guy? I’d call right now and ask her to dinner, holdmy breath, and pray she’d say yes. Then I’d take her someplace fancy with whitelinen tablecloths and candles and listen to her bad jokes.” Just to hear hervoice.
He waggled his eyebrows. “After that, I’d take her home andtake my time kissing her, undressing her—”
Ford whined.
“No, dude, you wouldn’t be there.”
T.J. looked into wise copper eyes that seemed to telegraphsympathy. He rubbed the dog’s silky ear. “Yeah, you’re right. Our days arenumbered. Why torture myself?”
A rush of something bitter and unbidden crammed his throat,and he couldn’t clear it. Just like he couldn’t pry the feel of Natalie’s lipsand body against his from his mind. How could something that felt so damn rightbe so damn wrong?
CHAPTER 23
Of Course He’s a Great Kisser;He’s a Porn Star
Glass of Crown Royal in hand,Natalie stared at her dog clock. Back and forth its tail went, wagging in timewith its ticking and tocking, doing nothing toregulate her own rhythm. It was after midnight, andshe was a little confused and a whole lot of hot-and-bothered as she mentallyhit the replay button on Tyler’s heart-stopping kiss.
Whoa, mama! It had done things to her insides, lighting upplaces she’d forgotten—or didn’t know—she had. Especially when he’dcranked up the burners.
Definitely adding kissing to the pros
