A sharp intake of air, and Natalie’s body stiffened behindhim.
He let out a mirthless laugh. “Yeah, that was my reactiontoo, along with a few choice words and threats to destroy the motherfucker.”
“Did you know him?”
His angry words came out in a growl. “Oh yeah. I knew him. My best friend. It had been going on for months.”
“What? Who does that? And why that night, ofall nights?” She seemed to be grasping for a way to fathom the unfathomable. Welcometo my world.
Breath ripped from his chest, and it was as if his heart wasbeing ripped out all over again. He thought he’d grown a callus over it,safeguarded it for the rest of his life, but the pain was fresh and raw. Hestared at the dim edges of her nightstand with unseeing eyes.
“She said she’d been trying to find the right time to tellme, and she decided to tell me that night because nothing could bring me downfrom my high.”
She couldn’t have been more wrong.
Natalie lay in silence with him, unmoving, for long minutes,only the clock ticking out its rhythm in the background. Her closeness lulledmore memories from the deep recesses where he’d buried them years ago, and helet them come.
He’d been so lost that night. Small and alone in a sea ofpeople partying like Armageddon loomed. But his personal Armageddon had just detonated, turning every piece of his heart into shrapnel sominiscule it would never be reassembled again.
Not much of a drinker in those days, he was staring down hisfate utterly sober and losing the battle. One of the girls at the party zeroedin on him, and when she offered him a drink, he threw it back without tastingit. More drinks followed, until he was numb and didn’t know who he was anymore.
Soon they were dancing and kissing in the midst of swayingbodies. She brought him to her room. He was desperate to leave himself on thefloor with his clothes, but she felt all wrong.Apparently, he was just sober enough that his mind could still direct his dick,telling it this was not his girl—the girl he was preprogrammed for.
In hindsight, he shouldn’t have been surprised. When he’dbeen with Melissa, no one else measured up. It had never occurred to him tostray, and not just because he was an inexperienced punk. He’d never wanted to.Which made him a pathetically invested one-woman man. A candy-ass, his dadwould have said.
Eventually, he grew icicles over his heart and becamecyborg-like, looking real but functioning like a machine. Women were playthingshe engaged with his body, never his heart.
Natalie’s lilting voice pulled him from his inky misery.“How old were you?”
“Eighteen. A stupid kid playing at being aman. I had big plans,” he mocked. “We’d live together while Ipaid my dues in the minors, working my ass off to break into the NHL. Then we’dget married. I’d have been in my early twenties then. We always talked abouthaving kids—I wanted six—and she could’ve stayed home if she wanted. Hell, wecould’ve afforded one nanny per kid.”
Christ, now I’m vomiting information.
Lying in bed, talking, should have been surreal. Beinghorizontal with women was normally a sporting event involving little talk. Butsomehow, doing this with Natalie was … freeing. No judgment. No ridicule.Natural. Sheltered from a raging storm.
Ironic that it was with her, given their history.
Pushing the thought aside, he relished the feel of heragainst his back. She was like a superhero cape, making him invincible.
As though she sensed it, she curled her body into him,tucking her knees behind his, and little pieces of him—lifeless pieces that hadbeen flung far and wide for years—began collecting themselves in small, solidshapes. At their center, his heart started beating again.
The connection to her was excruciating … but safe somehow.
“That must have been terrible,” she said softly, “realizingone dream while another one was being shattered.”
“I assumed,” he faltered, “we’d always be together. That itwas destiny or some fucking romantic bullshit like that. Instead, she’s sayingyes to me while she’s banging my buddy. Christ, did she ever play me for anidiot.” The stab, tender and deep, throbbed in his chest, but not as sharply asit had before. Coincidentally, Natalie’s hand was pressed into the very spot,as though safeguarding it.
“The issue was hers, not yours.”
“So you’re a shrink?” he teased, trying to get back to alighter place.
“No, but I stayed at a Holiday Inn once.”
“Always with the jokes.”
“My dad used to say, ‘Humor greases the skids of life.’ AndMom’s motto is ‘Smile even if you ain’t feelin’ it ’cause sunshine’llfollow.’” Natalie’s voice sounded lazy, sleepy, adorable.
“I wish I’d known your dad. Your mom’s … sweet. Generous.” Loyal.How a mom should be. Without thinking, he laced their fingers together.“Like her daughter.”
“What about your family?” she murmured minutes later. “Werethey with you on draft night? They must’ve been so proud of you.”
A familiar spike, sharp like a thistle between the toes,sent his defensive shields skyrocketing. His father’s voice rattled around inhis brain like a steel ball in an old pachinko machine. You’re a stupid,whiny little shit. Why do you think your mother left? She left because of you.
No matter how comfortable he felt in Natalie’s arms, hecouldn’t go there. “Melissa was the only family I had.”
Silence strained the air. He could practically hear hergears grinding. She hugged him closer and stroked his chest. The caress wasn’terotic; it was reassuring. “So your mom wasn’t there? Your dad?”
“He wasn’t invited.”
A calming press of her hand. “Whynot?”
He expelled a lungful of air. “He has a temper. I didn’twant to take the chance he’d go off. Let’s leave it at that.” Invisible bandsconstricted his chest, his throat, cinching down hard.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories,” she continuedin her dog-whisperer voice. “Do you worry you’re like him?”
“Always.”
She breathed out a sweet little “oh.”
He scrubbed a hand over his scratchy beard and
