“I’m sorry I disappeared, Mark.” He raises his hands and shakes his head.
“You didn’t disappear, Oliver. You needed time away, and I gave it to you. But when I heard you let a rock star beat the crap out of you, I knew it was time I came back into your life. I can’t let you disgrace us.”
“Anna,” I mumble, cursing my sister.
“Yeah... She might have called and explained the whole ordeal with her assistant once she knew what was going on…” I take a deep breath. Anna was mad and worried. I’m not surprised she called Mark. She used to call him a lot after Elaine died.
“It was easier to marry a friend than to give my heart away,” I shrug, surprised by the surge of honesty coming out of me. I’ve never told anyone what I just admitted. Not that Anna and Dan didn’t try to get the truth out of me, but I preferred to play the lovesick puppy with Naomi than having anyone know the truth about my state of mind.
“Yeah, and because you’re a perfect husband, you had to get her pregnant too.”
“I don’t regret neither the sex, nor the consequences. My son is one of the only reasons I still stand. That and the bar.” Mark nods, understanding my pain and I try to bite my tongue to stop the verbal diarrhea coming from my mouth. That’s why I didn’t pick up the phone for the last five years, that guy can get me to tell all my truths. Since day one, I was never able to hide anything from him.
“We need a drink for this conversation.” I shake my head.
“I don’t drink anymore.” He nods again. He certainly believes that’s a direct consequence of the accident. That maybe, I was a little drunk and that’s why Elaine died. I wasn’t. I stopped drinking because I like being in control of my life. Naomi believes I was drunk when we made Aito, but that’s impossible.
I pretended to be—because who wouldn’t be drunk at a bachelor party—but I would never lose control that easily. Not after having lost everything so fast.
We had no condoms, I thought she was on the pill… We made a baby. We were married and kind of exclusive. A marriage of convenience, but I still couldn’t fuck anyone else bare while with her.
“So, the bar… You never really spoke about opening a bar in all the years I’ve known you.”
I never did. After Elaine died and I lost myself in grief, not knowing what to do with myself, I couldn’t stand the idea of staying in Virginia.
I needed a breath of fresh air.
I took everything I earned, moved to New York to become one of the lost souls the city can swallow, and when I was wandering the streets with nowhere to be and nowhere to go, I saw a local business for sale. Put all my savings into it, renovated the place, and made it a bar. It was doing okay, not extraordinarily great but not failing either when Anna met Dan, and the rest is history.
Having the biggest rock band as the main clients helped the business tremendously.
“It was kind of a spur of the moment decision, but it turned out for the best,” I say like I did a hundred times before when I explained my decision to Anna, her friends, or my parents.
“You always liked to take tremendous risks, so I’m not surprised,” Mark says, nonchalantly. Right, except… I never saw opening the bar like a risk. It was more like salvation, a last attempt to live after losing everything.
“So, Tessa and Quinn. Exes?” I ask to ease my curiosity and change the subject.
Mark laughs. “You’ve lost your flair, Le Pew. Her fiancé died on a mission. Quinn was there and promised he would help. She’s a little reckless, and he’s a lot worried. They butt heads constantly.” The palms of my hands sweat instantly, hearing she likes to take risks and knowing she’s going to be my driver. Not that I need one. If I haven’t driven in five years, it’s only because I live in the city, nothing else.
“I don’t need a driver, you know, I can take an Uber like everyone else.”
“Look, I promise she’s good, and she’ll be careful. She speeds only when she’s racing or when she’s late.” The collar of my T-shirt feels a little tight around my neck, and I pull on it a couple of times to breathe easier.
“You’re okay?” Mark asks.
“Yes,” I stand, “I just need to get some rest and settle in my motel room.” I walk toward the door, unstable on my two feet, and my head throbbing with fear.
“Let me ask Tessa to drive you there.” I shake my head vehemently. By the time I’m outside his office, I feel like my life has unraveled under my feet. Putting my hand on the wall, I hold tight and try to inhale. I exhale slowly and repeat it a few times to calm myself.
Sometimes I forget Elaine didn’t die in a car accident like I told our entourage. Sometimes I believe my own lie.
Sometimes I just lose track of reality.
Closing my eyes, I do the only thing that can calm me. I imagine myself holding my son, smelling his head, kissing his tiny fingers. It calms me down, slightly.
It will be better once I FaceTime with Naomi later.
Slowly retaking control over my mind, I open my eyes to see Jackson, Mark, Tessa, and Quinn all looking at me with worry in their eyes. I blink, bury everything deep inside me, and cough.
“I might have caught something on the plane,” I try to explain, but it sounds wrong even to my own ears.
“Right,” Mark says, slapping my shoulder. “Go rest, and we’ll talk tomorrow. Tessa, drive safe.” Blue-hair looks at me as if she was trying to see into the depths
