I don’t want to die. I’m not too noble for suicide, I’m simply too cowardly to be able to actually go through with it, and really how cliché would it be for the silly little heiress to kill herself after she deliberately sabotaged her inheritance.
Bursting from the water I gasp, breathing in deep pulls of the balmy steam filled air and filling my lungs with life affirming oxygen. A wry scoff falls from my lips once my lungs have stopped burning and I’m no longer panting for breath. I’m a joke. I feel the weight of my thoughts settle over me as I rest my head against the tub.
I don’t even have enough conviction to despise myself, even though I should. The small voice in the back of my mind is still whispering that I did what I had to, that I stopped it before it went too far, that I helped when she needed it. But it was all too little too late.
Soaking for a while longer, my skin has wrinkled and the water has cooled by the time I climb out and wrap myself in a huge fluffy towel. Avoiding the mirror, I pad into the bedroom and sink down onto the bed, not bothering to dry myself, my limbs too lethargic to move.
Eventually I crawl under the covers still wrapped in the towel and let sleep take me, hoping that the shame and disgrace I feel will let me hide in my dreams.
The sun is peeking through the blinds when I open my eyes. It’s morning and I should be getting up and going to school, but I don’t move. I can’t face the other students, my sister, her fiancé, or their friends, especially not him.
Carson Windsor was nothing but a blip on my radar until two days ago. Everything changed the moment I asked him for his help and now he’s something to me. He’s someone who will forever be entwined with me and I don’t want that, but no matter how much I downplay it in my head, I lost my virginity to him and that’s not something you can force yourself to forget. I don’t want him to be important, to be anything more than my sister’s friend, but he is and there’s nothing I can do to change that now.
Closing my eyes, I decide to just pretend today doesn’t exist. I’ll be an adult tomorrow, but for today I want to be a child who gets to hide beneath the comforter, away from real life and the monsters that live there.
11
Carson
She’s not here. I think I knew she wouldn’t come, but I’m still bothered. I don’t like Carrigan, I never have. But what happened, that’s not something I can just forget. Maybe it’s guilt, or some misplaced sense of comradery, but whatever it is, I can’t just pretend like it didn’t happen.
I only caught a glimpse of her at the party, barely a passing glance before she was gone with nothing but my friend’s elation left in her wake. Priss did it, she broke the will, freed both her and her sister and confronted her parents. Then she just walked away, disappeared. She didn’t even wait long enough to celebrate their freedom like Tally wanted her to.
Tally is beside herself, terrified that their parents have Carrigan, that they’ll want revenge, but I’m pretty sure Priss is just holed up somewhere licking her wounds. I have her cell number now, it’s saved in my contacts, teasing me, but I haven’t dialed it or even sent her a text, because I already know she’ll ignore me.
Her absence shouldn’t affect me. We weren’t friends before we fucked, we aren’t friends now, but there’s something between us that I’m not ready to forget. She’s haunting me. My dick gets hard the moment her name is mentioned, and I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve watched and re-watched the video of the two of us together since she got into that cab and drove away from me.
I’m not sure if my pride’s hurt that she could run out on me without even a backward glance, or if I’m just not done with her yet, but either way, I need to see her and she’s not here.
“Where is she?” Tally asks, her eyes wide and full of worry.
“She’ll be fine, she’s probably just taking a couple of days to get her head around everything that’s happened,” Arlo tells her, pulling her into him to soothe her.
“What did happen?” Tally asks, turning her attention to me.
“She broke the will,” I say casually. The others want to know what I did to help Carrigan, but for some inexplicable reason it feels wrong to tell them that we had sex. I’m pretty sure they all know we did, but unless Priss admits it, I don’t plan to confirm it.
“Have you spoken to her?” Tally asks me for the fifth time already this morning.
“If I had, I’d tell you,” I assure her, leaning down and pressing a kiss against her cheek before I shoulder my bag and head for my first class with Olly at my side.
“You fucked her, didn’t you?” he asks, a grin spread wide across his face.
Forcing a neutral expression onto my face I sigh. “Look the will’s broken and the girls are free of it, that’s all that matters. Hopefully Carrigan will turn up soon and Tally can stop freaking out.”
Olly’s grin doesn’t lessen as he shakes his head wryly. “Yeah, yeah, you keep it to yourself. I bet she wasn’t such a cold bitch when she was riding your dick.”
I swallow down the angry words on my tongue, even though the need to defend Priss burns inside of me. This makes no sense; it was just hot sex, so why am I suddenly team Carrigan? Why am I worried about her, turned on and wanting to fuck her again, consumed by thoughts of her?
Distracted I don’t pay attention in class, not
