Lifting the lid on one of the dessert plates, I groan as I stare at the decadent chocolaty brownie and thick fluffy whipped cream. My mom would lose her mind if she thought I was even breathing the same air as this many calories, and I think that might be what pushes me to dig my spoon into it and lift it to my lips. After the first mouthful, all thoughts of rules and parents disappear and its pure want that has me finishing the cake and licking the spoon.
As much as I want to, I don’t send a picture of my empty dessert plate to Carson, because he’s just like the brownie I gorged on. He’s bad for me and even though when he’s touching me I love it, ultimately I have to learn to say no.
When the car service pulls to a stop at the curb outside the hotel the next morning I sigh, wishing that I’d just stayed in bed, but knowing that I can’t keep missing school if I want to actually graduate this year. Because of Tallulah pretty much taking all my classes until a month ago, my GPA is perfect, but I still have to maintain reasonable attendance to be able to graduate.
I don’t bother trying to time my arrival to avoid people today, yesterday made it pretty clear that the news of my newly disinherited state has spread like wildfire, so there’s no point trying to hide from it.
Climbing out when the driver opens the door I inhale a long slow breath, fortifying myself for the day ahead. I don’t want to be here, but I have nowhere else to go either.
Sick of my own self-indulgent thoughts I lift my head up and stride purposefully into the school, smiling sweetly at anyone who stares at me as I walk past. It’s time to remember that I’m not some pathetic little girl who needs to be protected. I owned these halls until I gave it up to save me and my sister from a future ruled by money and greed. I need to stop cowering and remember who I am.
Bolstered by my internal pep talk, my stride becomes more purposeful, and I make it to my locker without anyone else looking at me.
“Carrigan,” my sister calls, rushing toward me.
Sighing, I open my locker and pull my purse free before turning to face her. As usual now, she’s not alone. Arlo is at her heel with Olly, Watson, and Carson all circling around her like her security detail.
Not bothering to speak, I rest my back against my locker and wait for her to say whatever it is she wants to say. My sister is nothing if not tenacious in her pursuit of a relationship with me.
“Have you heard from Mom and Dad?” she asks after a second.
“The last time I spoke to either of them was at your engagement party when I gave you your gift. Both of their cell phone numbers have been disconnected and according to their new housekeeper they’re out of the country,” I say, trying to hide my hurt.
Tallulah jolts back, clearly shocked and I try not to hate her when the guys all close in around her like they want to share her pain.
“They just left,” she says, and I can hear the slight catch in her voice.
Sighing, I nod. “They just left.”
She nods, like the physical action is helping her process.
“I need to get to class,” I say, unable to hold her eyes now that they’re filled with hurt.
“So are you going to move back home now?”
A wry humorless laugh falls from my lips. “The new housekeeper informed me that our beloved parents have left strict instructions that no one is allowed onto the grounds without their permission. So no, I won’t be moving home,” I say spitting the word like it’s poison.
“But what about all your things?” Watson asks, shocking me with how genuinely concerned he looks.
Shrugging I look away, not wanting to see even more pity on their faces.
“You can’t even get your stuff? Your clothes and shit?” Carson asks.
“I haven’t tried, but as I was basically told I’m not allowed on the premises, I’m going to hazard a guess at no. It doesn’t matter.”
“Of course it matters,” Tallulah cries, reaching for me.
Leaning back I avoid her touch, ignoring the hurt that flashes across her face.
“I’m fine. I’ll be fine,” I growl, taking another step back, before I spin on the spot and walk away leaving my sister and her boys behind me.
The rest of the day only gets worse as I have math, chemistry, and geometry. Taking classes without my sister’s help and my parents’ bribery is awful. The teachers seem to be deliberately calling on me, like it’s my fault my parents stopped paying them to give me A’s.
By the time I crawl back into my hotel bed, my school uniform outside my door for cleaning again, I’m exhausted both mentally and physically. My new credit card was waiting for me this morning, so there’s nothing stopping me from going to buy the things I need, but I just don’t seem to be able to find the energy.
Somewhere deep inside me, I know I’m more resilient than this, that I’m more than capable of looking after myself and coping with my parent’s absence, hell Tallulah and I did it for the majority of our lives. But right now, all I feel is raw and exposed.
For so long the money has shielded me from everything except its pursuit. All I had to do was play by the rules and my
