“How long has he been like this?” I ask, dropping to the floor beside him. Something shifts in Zeus’s demeanor when I reach to scratch behind his ears. He’s not his usual playful self, but he moves closer, almost climbing into my lap to kiss me on the face. After a few seconds, he practically vibrates with joy. Maybe Poppy was right. “Did you train him to do this?”
“Honestly, I would have shamelessly used the dog if I had known it would work,” he says, exhaling in relief. He props his head on his elbow and watches us.. “He just misses you.”
“What’s up, Zeus?” I continue scratching behind his ears before leaning down to whisper. “Did he talk you into this?”
“I can still hear you.” He sounds happy, and my heart skips.
“Okay,” I whisper, “nothing is wrong with your dog.”
When I glance over, Sterling is studying him with concern. “I still want to take him to the vet.”
“Hey, I really do think he’s okay,” I say, finding myself wanting to reassure him.
“I’m supposed to take care of him.” The statement is loaded with self-recrimination.
“And you are,” I promise him. Something sticking out from the seam of the couch catches my eye. I point to it. “Is that my phone?”
Sterling tears his eyes from us, rolls to the side, and pulls it out. “You mean, this whole time you haven’t been answering because your phone was here? I thought you were avoiding me.”
“Trust me, I was.” I reach and grab it from him.
He just stares dumbly at his empty hand. “You really were,” he says quietly. “You didn’t even come for your phone.”
“I didn’t need it.” I do my best to sound casual.
“What about your job?” He looks up, concern deepening the blue of his eyes.
“It’s fine. I haven’t started yet.” I console myself that it’s not really a lie. I scratch Zeus on the chin before pushing to my feet. “I should go.”
Sterling gets up and blocks my clean getaway. “Let me buy you dinner.”
“It’s two o’clock,” I say, crossing my arms and trying to look disinterested in the offer. “that’s hours away.”
He stalks a few steps closer. “If only we could think of something to do until then…”
“Like talk about your mysterious friend Noah?” I ask pointedly, trying to ignore the tingles breaking over my body.
“I already told you it’s complicated,” Sterling says, pulling up a half step before crashing into me.
My body responds to his proximity, longing for the release only he can give me. But I won’t repeat my past mistakes, even if all I do is make new ones. “And I already told you it isn’t. Either I matter to you or I don’t.”
He flinches as if I slapped him. “Of course you matter to me.”
“Not enough to tell me about the last five years of your life. Not enough to tell me who Noah is and why he scared you.”
“That’s not fair,” Sterling insists. “It’s not like—”
“Well, I won’t really know until you tell me, will I?”
It’s an excellent point, and he knows it.
“Lucky…” he trails off, his eyes wild, like a cornered animal’s. “I won’t lose you.”
He reaches for me, and I don’t stop him.
I tell myself I could, that I’m the one steering this runaway train of a relationship—but as soon as his hands are on me, I know it’s a lie. He leans down to kiss me, and it takes every ounce of self-control I can muster to keep the train on the tracks.
“I’m not going anywhere.” His face is inches from mine, and his eyes, beginning to close, snap open. It’s like I’ve breathed life back into him. “But I’m also not waiting around for you to get your shit together.”
“So where does that leave us?” His sense of relief fades, replaced by a sly, hopeful look. His hands, wrapped around my shoulders, begin to slide down my back.
That’s exactly what I’d like to know.
When I don’t answer, he moves his face closer to mine—close enough to kiss me, but he doesn’t. “Is this the part where you break my heart?”
Is it? In order to survive Sterling Ford, I told myself I had to slam the door in his face. And it was easy enough to believe when we were apart. But in the same room? With his hands on me? We’re both powerless. We hurtle forward, faster than we can see the way ahead, because this thing we have—whatever it is—is better than the darkness of our lives. Our passion throws sparks to light the way, but sparks only last so long. There’s always another bend in the tracks ahead, too far for the light to reach, and once we round it, the darkness swallows us again.
I know this and it doesn’t matter.
“Just put your fucking hands on me, already,” I breathe. Sometimes a girl needs freedom from the dark, even if it’s a stolen thing. Even if it’s all I can rely on Sterling to provide.
He doesn’t hesitate. Pulling his t-shirt off with one hand, he uses the other to force open my jeans. He doesn’t bother helping me take them off, instead shoving his hand between my legs to find his prize.
My own hand slides to his jeans, unbuttoning them to free his swelling cock. It falls heavy and hot into my palm, and his vocal cords spasm, collapsing his sharp grunt into a deep moan. He pushes them down and steps out of them. Sterling spins me the opposite direction, his left arm under my ribcage, bracing me tightly, his right hand buried in my panties.
He slides one finger into my gushing sex, then two. I can feel my clit between his knuckles, like a vise there’s no hope of escaping. The pressure is so intense that, for a moment, I’m afraid I
