I close my eyes, wanting to shut her out, but all I find is Sterling. She knows him. Maybe not as well as I do. But she knows the side of him I fell in love with—the part of him that gives so completely. “Do you know why he’s like that?”
“Because he’s not a piece of shit, rich heiress?” she guesses, crossing her arms.
“That probably helps,” I admit. “He’s like that because he loves you. He shows up because he loves you. He takes care of you because he loves you. He does it because he wants to be loved. That’s all he’s ever wanted.”
Her familiar eyes burn. “If that’s true, why does he think he loves you? Because he doesn’t act like it. He came here hating you, and now he thinks you hung the goddamn moon! Or is that it? Are you just keeping him on the hook, dangling love in front of him? Making him think he can finally have it? He doesn’t need you to love him.”
She might be right. I think I’ve always needed Sterling more than he has needed me.
“Hey! What are you doing?” Sterling’s angry voice cuts into our conversation, but he’s not mad at me. “Are you drinking? Do you want Jack to get busted? Do you want to wind up in jail?”
“It was one bottle of beer.” She rolls her eyes and places it on the table. Then she holds up her hands like she’s being arrested.
“And you promised me that if I let you tag along, you’d behave. I don’t want to see you get in trouble.”
I back away while he continues his lecture. It’s a side of him I’ve never seen before. Big brother Sterling is fiercely protective, and not because he’s trying to save face, like Malcolm. Because he’s looking out for her. Because she’s his family.
Maybe Sterling finally got what he needed. Maybe the best thing I can do is finally let him go find happiness.
I find Poppy and Cyrus sitting near the bar, heads bowed together, deep in conversation. “I’m going to head home.”
“What? But Kai should be out soon and then we’re going to grab a bite,” Poppy says with a pout.
“I have a deadline,” I lie, “and a massive headache.” The last part is true, even if it’s only a metaphorical headache.
“Do you want a ride?” Poppy asks, elbowing Cyrus in the ribs.
“Yeah,” he jumps in. “I can call my car.”
“It’s only a few blocks away, and it’s still early. I think I’ll walk.”
Poppy’s lips flatten like she’s holding back her thoughts on this plan. She keeps them to herself, but she forces a hug. “Call me when you’re home.”
“I will. Tell Kai he sounded amazing.”
“Will do.” She blows me a kiss goodbye before returning to her conversation with Cyrus. I feel a stab of envy. Most of the time, I’m not jealous of their relationship. It’s not exactly rock solid. But tonight I feel alone. It’s a marrow-deep ache, reminding me I’m always just one more than is needed. The second child my father didn’t need after Malcolm was born. The sister who never left home. The friend always tagging along with the happy couple.
I weave around the back of the club, doing my best to blend in to the crowd.
No one stops me. As soon as I step out the door, I release a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. Even the sticky summer air feels cooler than it was inside the jammed bar. I dig in my purse and find a hair-tie. Lifting my hair off my neck, I sigh with relief. I've got it halfway up when a hand taps my shoulder, sending me jumping.
“Whoa, it’s me, Lucky.” Sterling’s voice washes over me, and I calm down.
“Don’t sneak up on me,” I demand as I finish tying up my hair, spinning to face him.
He doesn’t apologize. Instead, he frowns. “Were you just going to leave?”
Is he serious?
“We didn’t come here together,” I remind him, planting my hands on my hips. “In fact, I think your under-aged sister is inside. Why don’t you worry about her?”
“Because right now she has two over-protective ex-Marines watching every move she makes,” he says, the frown deepening. “You, on the other hand, are walking home alone in the dark.”
“The neon lights will guide my way,” I say dryly, but he doesn’t laugh.
“I’m walking with you,” he decides.
I open my mouth to argue but realize there’s no point. Sterling is as stubborn as…well, me.
“What were you talking with Sutton about?” he asks.
“That?” I shrug my shoulders, carefully keeping a few feet between us as we walk. “We were just talking about girl stuff.” There’s no reason to repeat what she said to him. It will only get one of us in trouble. Plus, I need to mull it over. Maybe she’s right. Not about everything, but about enough.
“What kind of girl stuff?” he asks.
“Boys,” I say casually. He won’t want to hear about that. Not if it involves his sister.
“Really?” There’s a challenge in his voice.
“Really.” My eyes dart to him. Did he hear us discussing him? Does he know we were fighting?
“Must have been a one-sided conversation, since Sutton is a lesbian.”
“She is? Oh.” I blink, and he smirks at my surprise.
“You didn’t see her staring at Poppy all night?” he asks.
“I guess…”
"You guess what?”
“I thought she was staring at me,” I confess.
“How narcissistic of you,” he says.
“Hey! What was I supposed to think? She’s not my biggest fan.”
“That’s an understatement,” he mutters. “Don’t worry about Sutton.”
A crowd spills out from Tootsie’s and we dart across
