But I’m still getting used to juggling it all.
I shower downstairs, letting the hot water soothe my aching muscles. Once I’m dressed, I grab my grocery list from the kitchen and run to the store before I pick up Jacob, calling my mom on the way to see if she can babysit tonight.
“Shoot,” I mutter when she doesn’t answer.
At the store, I push my cart, grabbing what I need off the shelves like I’m on Guy’s Grocery Games—limited on time. After I set a personal record for shopping, I drive to the school, coming to a stop behind a black truck in the pickup line. A few faculty members oversee the process and guide the children to their vehicles. While I wait, I call my dad, and he tells me he’s away on a fishing trip. Since he retired, he’s been fishing a lot, so I’m not surprised.
I inch forward in line, then rest my head on my seat, sighing. I have to cancel on Dax.
Before I have the chance to grab my phone, the truck in front of me drives away. I move forward, and through my window, I watch Jacob bounce off the bench he was sitting on, then hop in the car.
“I wish I had half your energy, bud.” I glance at him in the rearview mirror as he puts his seatbelt on.
“Can I go to Luke’s tonight? He said he’d show me his Minecraft toy. Miss Sidney got a Creeper made to look just like him.”
“How cool.”
“I really want to see it. And then Luke said I can sleep over, if that’s okay with you.”
“Actually…” That might work out perfectly.
“Luke gave me this note to give you saying it’s okay, and Miss Sidney’s number is on it too for you to call her.”
“I think I like this kid,” I say as I head toward the house.
“He’s so cool.”
A few minutes later, we pull into our driveway, and he’s out of the car by the time I open my door, shoving a torn piece of paper in my direction. “Okay, okay, let me see that.”
On the paper is scribbled, “Can Jacob come over tonight? My mom and dad said it’s okay.” At the bottom, Luke signed his name in an attempt at cursive, and I smile at the nostalgia of it. They don’t teach it anymore, and it makes me wonder where he saw that.
“Can I go, Mom? Can I go?”
“I have to check with Sidney first.” I muss up his shaggy hair and make a mental note to schedule an appointment for a haircut. According to his school’s monthly newsletter, fall pictures are coming up.
He groans. “But Luke said it’s okay. Why do you have to call her too?”
“Because that’s what grown-ups do. They take the fun out of everything for you kids,” I say sarcastically.
He rolls his eyes as I pull my phone out to call Sidney. On the second ring, she answers.
“Sidney, hi, it’s Clara.” I balance my phone on my shoulder as I get the bags of groceries out of my car. “I’m calling to make sure you know about a sleepover at your house tonight. Jacob said Luke invited him.”
“Yes, of course. Luke’s been excited about it all day. I hope Jacob can come.”
“He’s excited too, but are you sure it’s okay?”
“Definitely. This will be one of Grayson’s early nights home from work, so we’ll be happy to watch both the kids.”
“And dinner?”
“We’ll order pizza. Jacob’s not allergic to anything, is he?”
“No. And he loves pizza.”
I wrack my brain, sifting through a mental checklist to make sure I’m not forgetting anything. It’s been a while since Jacob went to a sleepover. I’m probably just nervous. “I think that’s it,” I tell her as Jacob watches me expectantly. Once I thank her again, I hang up and turn to Jacob. “Will you help me with these bags, honey?”
He nods, taking a few bags from me, and I lead the way inside.
In silence, we put the groceries away, and when all that remains are the empty plastic bags to be recycled, Jacob paces in front of me. “So? Can I go now?”
“Let’s pack your bag.”
He skips to his room with enthusiasm, and my chest swells. We’re falling into a new sense of normal here in Sunnyville, however chaotic.
But there’s a sense of contentment in the chaos for Jacob and me. A comforting rhythm of sorts. School, homework, playing, friends. Soon, he’ll start sports and other activities too.
Next year, he’ll be in middle school.
I stand in the doorway to Jacob’s room as he rummages through drawers and pulls out toys, then goes to the closet and throws clothes onto his bed.
He’s getting so big, and Mitch would be proud. I wrap my arms around my stomach as the guilt that still lingers in the back of my mind makes its way to the forefront.
We’re surrounded by friends and family, and some days, I start to feel whole again. Some days I’m even happy.
But other days, it’s short-lived, like I’m fighting the happiness.
I’m still without a husband. Jacob is still without a father, and it pains me more than I can express.
Some days, my guilt of not doing or being enough threatens to destroy this new life Jacob and I are still building.
“Mom, come on,” Jacob urges. “We have to pack my bag.”
I step into his room. “How long are you going for? You pulled enough clothes out for a week.”
He surveys his bed, which is covered with random items. “You’re right.” He chuckles. “I don’t need it all, but I need these toys for sure.”
“Maybe just two of those toys. You’re only going for one night, and then you’re back here to hang out with me, okay?”
As we pack, I go over the rules with him. “Remember to clean up after yourself. Make your bed in the morning. And I’ll give you money for pizza and whatever else you might need.”
“Okay, okay. This isn’t my first sleepover, you know.”
I smile. “I know, honey.”
Once we’re finished,
