For a long time, I’d been waiting for the other shoe to drop.
A singular, cruel sensation swirled within me:
I knew it.
We finished the rest of the reading, and I insisted on paying her, but she refused. So instead, I bought a bouquet of orange lilies for Adam and a tarot deck. I had an inkling that I could use the designs on the cards for inspiration in my classes; this semester, the professors were hammering down on themed work.
When I left the shop and stepped out into the alley, I felt settled but uneasy at the same time. Though surprisingly, my anxiety monster stayed asleep.
I pulled out my phone, and relief flooded through me when I saw a text from Adam saying he was all right.
That made one of us.
Adam
I stepped through the threshold of our cozy Brooklyn brownstone at the end of my workday, completely exhausted.
"Adam!" Luke cried, peeling down the hallway and rushing into my arms.
I wrapped my arms around him, feeling the warmth and love flood through my body. "Luke!"
Closing my tree-trunk-thick arms around his slim form, I whisked him off his feet and spun him in a circle.
We were laughing and sharing the sparkly joy of being together, scattering it through the apartment like sprinkling seeds of wildflowers.
"I'm so happy to see you," I said as I put him down.
"I'm happy to see you, babe!" he said, planting a gentle kiss on my cheek.
I sniffed the air, the wonderfully savory smell of Luke's cooking wafting into my nostrils. "What have you been up to?"
"Oh, that?" he asked, gesturing to the kitchen. "That's a chicken casserole dish I've wanted to try. And I thought you'd be cold from being outside all day arresting bad guys."
I smiled a little, my beard shifting its shape. "Well, we didn't make any arrests today."
Suddenly my mind was awash with images of poking around that factory near the river with my new partner, Claire. Something about it was stressful.
The whole time we were out there, I could feel a tingling at the base of my skull. Something wasn't right.
"So, tell me about your day!" Luke said as I followed him into the kitchen.
"Well, Claire and I had to go poke around this creepy factory," I said, thinking of the haunted-looking mechanical space with the tall ceilings, filled with tanks and mechanical equipment.
"Ooh, what was that like?" Luke asked as he set the food on the table.
"It was… it was an adventure," I finished lamely. I didn't want to burden Luke with all of the details. How afraid I felt. How I had a new partner, one that I didn't wholly trust yet. How, at any time, anything could go wrong.
And then Luke would be alone.
"I was worried," he said, his sculpted blond eyebrows coming together with concern.
"There's no need to be worried," I lied as I wrapped my sausage-like fingers around the serving spoon. "We've got things handled."
He looked relieved, but then I noticed the dimple in the side of his mouth that appeared whenever he didn't believe me.
"I heard some ambulances today," he said.
I paused my scooping and fixed my eyes on him. Did he have another anxiety attack? It had been almost a month since his last one. We were setting a record for how long he'd gone without one, and if he'd gotten one today, that would put us right back at 0.
"I had one," he admitted, observing my face for my reaction. A shadow crossed through his beautiful blue eyes.
"Oh, Luke! I'm so sorry!" I said, setting the serving spoon down with a clatter and rushing to the other side of the table. "That must have been awful."
"It was," he said, melting into my hug. "But… you're okay now. That's what matters."
"Do you want to talk about it at all?" I asked, pulling a chair next to him.
He picked at his chunk of chicken delicately with his fork. "I was… I was worried about you, that's all."
Worried? There was a happy feeling that took root in my gut. Being worried about felt nice, but I didn't want Luke to feel the pain of being the worry-er.
I felt the temptation to soothe him; tell him there was nothing to worry about, but I knew better. Saying that would have invalidated his feelings. So instead, I chose empathy.
"I'm sure it was scary to hear the sirens."
He nodded sadly. "It means shit's going sideways somewhere nearby," he said, separating some vegetables away from his chicken. "It could easily be for you."
I didn't know what to say to that, exactly. So I told Luke the truth.
"You're right. It could. But that doesn't mean it is."
I watched his face digest the words, and my heart broke a little for the helplessness that came across his features.
"But the sirens are just the noises of the city. There's nothing we can do about them…"
Just then, the sound of a siren wailed outside the window.
Luke twitched. "I'm just afraid that since we moved here, and you're on more… intense cases now, the chances of you getting hurt are way higher, too."
"That's true," I agreed, the memory of the dark, grunge-y factory coming to the forefront of my mind. We had been looking for a serial killer today, but there was no way in hell I was going to let Luke know about that.
"I don't know… I know it's your job and everything, and you love it, I just couldn't bear the thought of losing you," Luke said, his piercing blue eyes going all shiny.
I felt my heart break for him, then wrapped him in another hug. Again, I wanted to take away his pain. But it wasn't like I could just quit the force — this was
