“Because he owes them a favor, I guess. And because he has a massive following. If his huge fanbase starts watching the show, the studio stands to make big money.”
I felt like I had the wind knocked out of me. I’d have to act with another junior actor?
Suddenly my mind was swimming with my fate. Even if me and Crimson were at the same skill level acting-wise, fans of the show would be less likely to blame him if there were mistakes.
But me? I was an unknown. I was a scapegoat. I could see it now: My name plastered all over every internet forum, people making mean comments and wishing I’d kill myself.
It would be just like high school, but worse.
Oliver noticed my discomfort. I thought he was going to say something to dig the knife in, but he averted his eyes.
“I have to go to my hotel room to check something,” he said, then excused himself.
I knew he was probably going up there to see if this rockstar was in there, but I couldn’t care less. All I wanted right now was some alone time— to get away from all of this judgment and my inevitable doom. No matter how well I performed in my upcoming scenes, I knew the internet would take me down with its cruelty.
I walked away from the crowd of people and deeper into the village, feeling more and more down on myself with every step.
The townspeople that were out and about kept staring at me, and I knew it had to be because of the new clothes I was wearing. Reese had one of his set managers order me a bunch of new clothes — they were all designer brands and flashy. Even the most unassuming outfit from the bunch was form-fitting and eye-catching, studded with sequins that shone in the light.
Their eyes bored into me as I hurried along. I was feeling very out in the open and vulnerable; the only thing I wanted was to get away from all of these people, get away from all of these eyes.
Even though I knew that this feeling would only get worse the more famous I got, I still wasn’t used to it. I longed for a breather, so I kept walking in more and more sparse areas of the village until the very last building gave way to a dirt path winding through a cluster of trees.
Stepping into the underbrush, I wandered further and further into obscurity; into safety. No one could find me here.
Finally, privacy. The thing I needed most right now was some guidance; someone to tell me that everything would be all right.
I pulled out my phone and dialed Hazel’s number.
Chapter Twenty
“Hello Charlie, it’s been a while since I’ve heard from you,” she said.
It felt so good to hear her voice. I felt like it was cradling me in a blanket of happiness.
Even as I thought that it felt a little weird. I’d only seen her in person once, and I’d bothered her several times on the phone. She was just a stranger to me, but she felt like my grandmother.
“I’m sorry to bug you,” I started, “I—”
“Bug me? Hah!” she laughed. “You could never bug me, Charlie. You’re one of my soul children. It’s my job to be bugged by you.”
Soul children? Hearing that was a little weird, but it was still reassuring in a way. I was going to go with it; the good feelings she gave me allowed me to suspend disbelief.
“You’re having quite a time over there, aren’t you?” she asked.
“How did you know?”
“I just know things,” she said impatiently. “I also know you haven’t forgiven whoever the person is you’re supposed to forgive.”
“I don’t know who it is!” I exasperated. “I’ve been trying to figure it out. And that’s not all I’ve been doing — I wrote down all of the qualities I wanted in my heartmate, and there are a few guys around me that might be it, but it’s like they’re all pieces of who I wish they all were together…”
“You still haven’t met him yet,” she maintained. “Well, it’s a little complicated but—”
“Who do I need to forgive?” I asked desperately. “Is it someone in my past? Is it someone in my future? Please, Hazel, I’m desperate here.” Tears began to bead in my eyes as I felt the loneliness creep in. “Please.”
“Healing is painful. That’s how you know it’s working,” Hazel said. “You’re reliving your past and making peace with it. Allow yourself to feel these things, and then let them go.”
“But I hate feeling this way,” I complained. “I feel exactly like I did back in high school, back when I hated myself…”
“Why did you hate yourself, Charlie?” she asked, a hint of wonder in her voice.
There was something there on the edges of her words that gave me pause. Then my mouth went dry.
“Do I… do I have to forgive myself?” I asked breathlessly.
“Bingo,” she said. Even though the phone I could hear her smiling. “What an insight! Everyone goes through this in their spiritual journey. For some, the realization never happens and those poor souls never get to vibrate at their highest level. They keep hating themselves until the day they die. But you, Charlie, you’ve figured it out! Now you simply need to forgive.”
“…how do I do that?” I asked, dumbstruck. Though, I couldn’t deny that I felt a spark of excitement crackle within me, as if I’d just unlocked a door that had been closed off.
She tutted. “I’m supposed to do that for you too?”
“S-sorry,” I said. “I’ll try not to—”
“And enough of this sorry business,” she said shortly. “You’re a shiny one Charlie, take that hammer out of your hand and stop beating yourself up with it. You’ll shine much brighter if you do.”
For a second I didn’t believe her anymore; I explored the thought that she was just some crazy old woman. But there was some feeling that was in my gut that felt… lighter after
