He deeply regretted that he had had a part in the decision that had put her into so much danger.
He had seen the logic of bringing her with them, despite the dangers he perceived. Her own people were a threat to her. They had clearly decided she was expendable or they would not have ambushed them when she was with them.
In any case, there was little point in regretting that decision now. They were here now. They had to deal with the situation—very carefully—or none of them would survive.
Emma retreated into her own thoughts when she saw that Kadin had.
They weren’t pleasant, mostly revolving around the fact that she had been so impressed with Kadin—attracted to him physically—and the episode had left her feelings trampled.
It was a shame she couldn’t dismiss the unpleasant thoughts with the reflection that he was a self-centered prick as so many ‘pretty’ males tended to be in her opinion.
He had come a very long way, and put his life on the line, to rescue baby Nye, however, and that indicated a strength of character far beyond any male she knew.
She didn’t want to admire him on that count—or any—but she did.
Reluctantly, she faced the fact that, if anyone was behaving shallowly, it was her.
They were in a disastrous situation, life or death, freedom or slavery.
What did it matter whether he cared anything about her at all?
It occurred to her fairly quickly that it mattered to her because she knew, instinctively, that it could increase his devotion to her survival.
And she was completely out of her depth.
He at least seemed to have some idea of what the ‘rules’ of survival were in this situation whereas she had no notion, couldn’t even wrap her mind around it sufficiently to take it seriously.
It grew more solidly threatening, though, as her stomach rumbled and it was born in upon her that there wasn’t a damn thing she could do about hunger—or anything else.
“I don’t suppose they’ll worry about feeding us?” she finally asked when the hunger, instead of passing, became more demanding, her stomach threatened to start snarling like a caged lion.
Kadin stared at her blankly for several moments.
Emma felt her face slowly heat with discomfort. But, really, was it inappropriate to think about eating when it was a matter of survival? Not just entertainment or discomfort?
“They will not worry, no. You should not expect much or often. It is not likely they will allow us to starve to death, however. We would be useless to them then.”
“That’s so comforting!” Emma said, trying not to start squalling. “Don’t spare me! Just tell it like it is!”
His expression was not without sympathy. “I know this is not something you have ever experienced and that you are scared and confused. Perhaps even disbelieving at the change in your fortunes.”
That was an understatement.
He dragged in a ragged breath. “I am not trying to frighten you, not being pessimistic. Your chances for survival are higher if you take this very seriously—now—and act accordingly. Later might be too late.”
Emma nodded shakily, chewed her lip, and finally decided that it was time to discard her squeamishness—the best she could manage, at any rate. “I’m on birth control. I can’t get pregnant,” she said baldly.
Kadin scrubbed a hand over his face. “You are not.”
“No. Really! I’m not making it up. I’m scared shitless, but … there isn’t much point in the … uh … screwing when I’m on birth control. You can’t breed me. Should I … uh … tell them?”
He shook his head. Before Emma could utter a sigh of relief, however, he elaborated.
“The examination was not just to see how healthy you were. They removed the device. And they gave you something to increase your fertility.”
Emma felt her jaw slide to half mast. “You are kidding!” she gasped, too outraged for several moments to think beyond the fact that they had done that without even consulting her.
Apparently, he understood. “You are a slave,” he said, not ungently. “Your body is no longer yours and you have no say in anything that they decide to do to you or with you.”
Chapter Nine
An unswallowable knot formed in Emma’s throat, but it would’ve been hard to say whether the emotion that conjured it was fear, self-pity, or rage. She actually ran the gamut of emotions while she stared at Kadin, struggling with the urge to punch him for being so fucking calm about the situation—about the fact that her life was laying in tatters.
On one level, she knew it certainly wasn’t his fault in any way, but she didn’t want to accept that this was the direct result of a choice she’d made herself, and she certainly couldn’t, wouldn’t, place the blame on her darling baby. He’d enriched her life, made it happy when before she’d merely been—mostly—no more than relatively content.
It was grossly, disgustingly unfair that the decision, which damned sure shouldn’t have included anything like this, had had such a horrible result.
There should be someone to blame … that she could actually punish for it.
Unfortunately, it seemed the Sheloni were to be blamed and she couldn’t punish them.
She railed silently for some time. She had no idea how long, but eventually she wore herself out and, once she had, she came to realize that it was counterproductive. Especially since she didn’t dare vent out loud. Railing silently just built a toxic cloud in her mind that was going to prevent her from saving herself and her precious baby, Nye, made her feel physically ill. Very likely, if she’d dared to vent aloud it would have been the same. She wouldn’t feel one bit better, but rather the opposite.
She hated the bastards.
Any ill turn she could do to them, she would.
But she couldn’t let them cripple her mind with that hate.
She needed every brain cell functioning clearly.
She found she still couldn’t actually accept what Kadin had told her—not that she doubted his word.
