“So this was all about you two trying to outdo each other? He had to win and you just couldn’t stand the fact that he had?”
He reached for her, but she pulled away. It felt as though his heart was being torn from his chest as he once again relived the history he had with Johnathon and Tara. All of the nights when they’d gone out, all of the dinners at each other’s houses. The vacations, where he’d drag along whatever woman he was seeing at the time, but really only wanted Tara. He felt such shame over that, but it was the truth. Grant had to watch his best friend be with the woman he wanted and there was nothing he could do about it. “No. It was about seeing how amazing you were, and experiencing our connection, but not being able to act on it. It drove me crazy.”
“I have to go.” She stalked down the hall back to the bedroom.
Grant thought for a moment about just letting her go, but he knew that it would be forever. And he couldn’t live with that. He was so tired of living with regret. So he followed her. When he arrived in his room, she was stuffing her clothes into her overnight bag. “Can we please talk about this? I feel like this has gone sideways.”
“I need space to think, Grant.” She planted one hand on her hip and the other at her forehead. She stared off into space, her eyes darting from side to side. “I find it very hard to believe that you were carrying a torch for me all these years, Grant. You had no problem distracting yourself, and it’s not like you didn’t have plenty of opportunity after Johnathon ended our marriage.”
“But...” he started.
She turned on him. “No. I think this is about you and Johnathon. He thought of me as a prize to snatch away from you, and you never forgave him for it. I think you felt that same way about Sterling, and then he went and died, but he screwed you over when he gave the wives the shares of the company. So now you have a new thing you can’t forgive him for and that’s made you decide that I’m the thing to be won.”
He reached for her arm and her vision flew to his hand. It made him drop his grip. “Do you want to know what I think? I think you’re afraid to let anyone in. Johnathon destroyed you when he left you and you never recovered. And then you lost your dad, so you built up this wall and convinced yourself that the best way to never lose again was to never get involved. To never get close to anyone again. I just want you to let down your guard and let me in. That’s all I want.”
She pressed her lips together tightly, fighting back tears. “You think you have me figured out, Grant, but you don’t. I let plenty of people in. I’m just choosy when I do it. And I don’t think I can choose you.”
“Why?”
“We have too many competing wants. It’s what destroyed my marriage with Johnathon and it would only destroy us.”
“Are you saying you don’t have feelings for me, too? Because if that’s the case, I swear I’ll never bring it up again.”
“I think my problem is I have too many feelings for you right now, Grant. And not all of them are good ones.”
Fifteen
Tara arrived at work on the day of the big presentation with a headache the size of San Diego County. She’d been working like crazy all week, but so had Clay and Astrid. The three of them were all going the extra mile to make this happen, which was a bigger workload than expected. Sandy had called in sick every day this week. Apparently she’d picked up a bug of some sort in Palm Springs.
There had been many times when Tara had considered soliciting Grant’s help, but he’d been keeping his distance. She felt bad about the argument they’d had at his house, and she wanted to apologize for her role in it, but she had to get through the presentation. It was a huge hurdle, one she’d been staring down for weeks, and deep down, she knew that the outcome would determine her course from here on out. If it went well, she’d try to stay at Sterling, and hope to find a working arrangement with Grant. If it went badly, she’d leave. It was the only logical answer. She’d sell off her shares to Grant or possibly just give them to him. He’d more than earned them.
As for the personal side of their relationship, that was an entirely different conversation. She was still wrapping her head around the things he’d said on Sunday, especially the part about her unwillingness to let people get close to her. She couldn’t help it—distance had become her default. It made things easier. It made it possible to survive. There’d been so much hurt and loss in her life, but she’d always found a way to forge ahead. She couldn’t allow herself to be wounded. But perhaps her persistence had been her downfall. She hadn’t taken the time to slow down and see what was around her. Perhaps it was a case of trying to be a moving target—it made her harder to hit.
As for what this realization
