Now she could see how doomed she and Clay had been from the start. She could have told Miranda the day she found out and dealt with the repercussions, but that only would have given him more ammunition for his argument that they didn’t work well together. “Please don’t look at what we have that way. There were no lies. There was this one thing that I kept to myself.”
“And I don’t see how you could do that.”
“I knew it was just going to hurt everyone. When I arrived at Johnathon’s funeral, I knew nothing of Miranda or their marriage. You can ask Tara or Grant. He kept me in the dark. I don’t know why he did that.” It was yet another mystery of Johnathon that might never be solved.
“The email makes it sound like you seduced him, not the other way around.”
“I don’t understand that part of what you said. Who would pose as Johnathon and send an email?”
“I don’t know, Astrid. None of today makes sense. Why would Sandy appear out of nowhere a few weeks ago and give you the wrong information about Seaport?”
The wheels in Astrid’s head were turning...her run-in with Sandy and how all of this might be connected. “That’s it. That has to be it. Johnathon’s brother. I think there’s some connection between Sandy and him.” Her mind flew to the first time she met Clay, right in this office. She was not only instantly attracted to him, she was equally intrigued by his quiet intensity.
She walked over to the photo on his credenza, the one of Johnathon and Miranda on their wedding day, flanked by Clay and Delia. She picked it up and showed it to him. “The day I met you, I saw this photo, and that was when it clicked. Remember, I asked when the wedding was? That’s why I rushed out into the hall that day. I’m sure you thought I was crazy, but I was in shock.” She looked back up at him, realizing this bit of information wasn’t convincing him that she was telling the truth. “I told Tara right after that. I think Sandy was out in the hall.”
The incredulous look on his face told her all she needed to know. He didn’t believe her. “This all feels like you covering your tracks. How am I supposed to trust you now?”
That felt like a dagger aimed straight at her heart. She wanted to defend herself, but even more important, she wanted to say something that would make Clay take a deep breath, step back, and look objectively at what was going on. He was letting his old fears and distrust cloud his judgment. “You can trust me because I love you.”
He turned to her and froze, but didn’t say a thing. His expression was calculating, his eyes reflecting the complicated processes that went through his head. It was part of parcel of Clay, and such a huge component of what she loved about him. But in that moment, it was the most devastating thing she’d ever endured. Love wasn’t a conclusion to arrive at. It was either in your heart or it wasn’t. Clearly, he didn’t feel the way she did.
She stepped closer to him, aching to be wrapped up in his embrace, but he crossed his arms to keep her out. It was like she was watching him rebuild that old familiar wall around himself, stacking it up, brick by brick. “You really don’t believe me, do you?”
“No matter what facts come out, Astrid, there is one set of details that isn’t in dispute. You knew I had trust issues. You knew I had very strong reasons to protect myself and Delia and how badly we’d been hurt.” His voice was a vessel for his pain, cracked in two. “And you let me let you in, even when you were carrying around a secret that you knew would hurt Miranda. She is the one person who has always been by my side and she’s going to be destroyed when she finds out this is true.”
“I’m sorry, Clay. I truly am. I will make things right with Miranda. I’ll explain it all.”
He shook his head emphatically, his jaw tight and his eyes dark. “No. I can’t let you do that. It’s over, Astrid. There is no more you and me. I can’t let you be close to me anymore.”
“Just like that? Even when I love you?” Once again, her opening of her heart and soul went unanswered.
There was a knock at the door, which Clay quickly took as his excuse to end their conversation. Tara poked her head in. “Astrid, what happened with the Seaport deadline?”
This was officially the worst day ever. Not only was everyone mad at her, Clay had just ripped her heart out. “Let me try to track down Sandy. Something sketchy is going on.”
Tara and Clay exchanged glances. “It doesn’t matter at this point,” Tara said. “That won’t change the deadline. The other firms are going to be ready to present on Wednesday and we have to be, too. Grant is in the conference room. We need to sit down and figure out a strategy. Right now.”
Astrid and Clay dutifully followed Tara down the hall, but Astrid felt as though she was about to find her head on the chopping block. She’d stupidly allowed herself to think that she could find new purpose at Sterling. Clearly, she’d managed to ruin what chance she had, and the thought of trying to salvage it was so daunting. All paths at Sterling led to Clay. There was no avoiding him, which had been the trouble all along.
Inside the meeting room, several junior architects and members of the support staff were assembled. Grant stood at the large whiteboard, where he’d written up a flow chart of the things that needed
