“You think I don’t know that? I’m with him because I see what he wants me to be and I want to be that person too. I want to be a better version of yourself.”
“It’s a different version of yourself,” I tell her. “I see the real you.”
Her smile is so damn beautiful and so damn sad. “I know that. I know you do. But I don’t want to be that person. I don’t aspire to be myself. I aspire to be someone different. Someone you wouldn’t want to be with.”
I pull myself out of her grasp and walk over to the window, staring out through the glass, wishing I could just rewind the last month before she walked into my life. Here we are, arguing over nothing, and I’m all tied up in knots over her for no reason.
No reason.
She’s Marco’s girl.
She’s got issues. A lot of them.
Let them figure it out together.
“I think it would be best if you didn’t help me out anymore,” I tell her, my voice hoarse.
There’s nothing but silence behind me.
Eventually I turn around and see Ruby staring at me.
“Did you hear me?” I repeat. “I don’t think I need an assistant. I probably never did. It’s just making things more complicated than it should be.”
She presses her lips together, looking off. Then she shrugs. “Okay then.”
She’s mad. I have to let her be mad.
But then she starts walking toward me. Stops a foot away, arms folded across her chest. “Have you ever stopped to think why it’s complicated between us?”
Yes.
All the time.
“You belong with Marco,” I tell her firmly.
Lying through my teeth.
I swear I see anguish pass through her, as if my words hurt.
Then she swallows, nods, looking away. “Yeah, I think I do.”
So much being said without even saying it.
“I better go,” she says, giving me a small smile. “I’m going to walk back to the hostel. Enjoy the day. I got a text earlier from Marco, so maybe I’ll go out with him when he gets back.”
“Good.”
A half-smile, humorless. “Good. Anyway, I’m sure I’ll see you around. Or not. Just know if you need any help, I’m here. Okay?”
Fucking hell, I hate how this is going. Like it’s ending before it could ever get started.
“Okay,” I tell her.
I watch as she leaves my apartment.
The door closes.
* * *
The sound of the door opening brings me awake. I sit up in bed, hearing Marco’s voice get closer.
“Luciano?” he asks.
The door to my bedroom opens fully and I blink to see him standing in the doorway. He flicks on the lights.
“What’s wrong with you?” he asks. “Why are you sleeping? It’s almost dinner time.”
He comes in the room and starts looking around, as if he’s searching for something.
Or someone.
I wipe that thought from my head. I did nothing wrong.
So why do I feel guilty?
“I had a nap,” I tell him, fighting through a yawn. “Didn’t think I’d sleep that long.”
“Late night?” he asks, facing me but his eyes are still darting around the room.
“Not really,” I tell him. I get out of bed and stretch and then walk past him into the apartment, glancing at him over my shoulder. “You look tanned. Thought you’d look more rested though. Want a beer?”
“You have beer?” he asks incredulously. “Is that allowed on your diet?”
I smirk, opening the fridge. “No. But I decided to say fuck it.”
I pull out two bottles of Sagres that I got this afternoon after Ruby unceremoniously left.
I crack open the beer, the sound distinct in the quiet of the apartment. “So, how was your trip? I thought you were going to stay a few more days on Capri?”
He shrugs and opens his beer. “I got bored.” He has a long gulp, wiping the back of his hand over his mouth. “So. Where’s Ruby?”
His tone is light but his eyes say otherwise.
“I don’t know.” I give a lazy shrug. “At her hostel, maybe. Haven’t you talked to her?”
“I did this morning.”
I don’t know where he’s going with this.
“She was with you last night,” he says.
Ah.
I glance at him, keeping my face impassive. “And?”
“You weren’t planning on telling me that, were you?”
“Why should I?”
“I don’t know, Luciano. She’s supposed to be your assistant, not a date.”
I stare at him for a moment. He’s searching my face for something worse than the truth, and I know now that his father told him, and that he probably put some ideas in his head.
“I didn’t feel like going alone,” I admit, which is the real truth.
“That’s not part of your job. She’s supposed to help you.”
“She was helping me. You know I hate those events.”
“And yet you’ve done them for years and you’ll do them for years after. If you’re lonely, go get your own fucking girlfriend to bring along. You had no right to bring her.”
I think that over, gnawing on my lower lip until I taste blood. Part of me wants to apologize, because that’s what I always do to keep the peace. The other part, however… “She wanted to come. You left her all alone Marco. You took off on your trip and you kept extending it and how do you think she felt?”
He has a sip of his beer and looks away. “She’s upset with me, isn’t she?”
I relax a little, the focus coming off of me. “She might have mentioned that.”
He lets out a dry laugh, staring down at the bubbles rising in his beer. “She’s so hard to figure out, you know? She acts so free, like she doesn’t care. I honestly didn’t think she’d even notice if I left.”
“Well, she noticed.” I pause. “The question is, did you notice?”
“Of course I did,” he says.
“Not enough to come back early.”
“I did come back early. I’m here right now. Why the third degree, brother?”
“I’m not giving you the third degree. But, between the two of you, I’m feeling like a relationship counsellor.”
“So, she really
