Jesus Cristo.
I lean with my arms splayed on the bar, my head hanging down, hair over my face. My eyes pinch closed and I am trying to breathe, in and out, in and out, trying to recalibrate my reality.
“Luciano,” Alejo calls out, coming up beside me. “What just happened? What was that?”
I groan, shaking my head. “I just sounded like such an asshole, didn’t I?”
“More or less. Maybe more diva.”
I straighten up and look over my shoulder.
They’re all looking at me.
I meet Ruby’s eyes for a moment and all I feel is anger.
And pain.
She caused me so much pain.
“Here, how about we go to the end.” Alejo grabs me by the arm and shuffles me along until we’re at the opposite end of the bar, out of sight of everyone. We sit down and he turns to the bartender. “I’m going to need something strong. Scotch.”
“No,” I say sharply.
I can’t drink scotch anymore.
“Tequila it is,” Alejo says. He watches as the bartender pours us both a shot.
He raises his glass to cheers me, but I’ve already shot mine back down my throat.
I slam the empty glass down. “Another.”
“So, are we pretending to be gunslingers at a saloon now, or what?” Alejo jokes.
I don’t say anything to that. I do another shot instead.
“I’ll leave you alone if you want to be alone,” he says. “But that was weird. That wasn’t…that wasn’t that girl you talked about once.”
“The one that got away?”
“Yeah.”
I lick the tequila off my lips, enjoying the buzz. “Yeah. That’s her.”
“Shit. What is she doing with your brother again?”
“I don’t fucking know man. I don’t.”
They’re dating again. Of course they are. She abandoned you and then moved on to your brother. Seven years later, but still.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” I say, running my hand through my hair.
“What do you mean?”
“About this. Them. Her. I’m going to…I need to go away. Maybe I will go back to Lisbon. Or, shit, maybe he’s taking her there. I guess I’ll just fuck off somewhere else. Cyprus. Hide out on a beach.”
“It’s been seven years, Luciano,” he says. “Maybe it’s not so bad.”
I swallow thickly and give him a pointed look. “She broke my heart Alejo.”
“We all get our heart broken sometimes.”
“Except the one that broke your heart put it back together pretty fast. You have Thalia now. Forever.”
“Why can’t the same thing be for you and Ruby?”
I let out a bitter laugh. “For one, I’m not…she’s not…” I trail off. “She’s with my brother,” I say simply. “Again. Shit, Alejo, he thinks the last time I saw Ruby was nine years ago, not seven. He never knew that we had a week-long affair. He never knew that when they were together, I kissed her. Or that when he dumped her, she came straight into my bed. He doesn’t know any of that.”
“But she does,” he says.
“Yeah. She does. She fucking does. What the fuck is she thinking?” I growl.
“So, I’m guessing you’re not doing that interview tonight.”
“Fuck no.”
“Okay, well you better come up with a good excuse because here they come.”
“What?” I whip around and look over my shoulder.
Oh, fuck.
Marco and Ruby are walking over to us.
Alejo pats me on the shoulder. “Good luck, man.”
“Don’t you dare leave me,” I hiss at him, but it’s no use. He’s gone, leaving me to deal with my own shitshow.
“Brother,” Marco says to me, speaking in Spanish, putting his arm around my shoulder and leaning in. Ruby has stopped a few feet away. “What the fuck is your problem? What was that? You were rude. That’s not like you.”
I breathe in sharply. So hard to breathe. “Sorry. I’m drunk.”
“I can tell.” He pushes the shot glass away, sniffing. “Tequila? What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing is wrong. Nothing at all,” I say, trying to sound glib. “You used to tell me all the time I was too boring, I didn’t party enough. Here I am. Real just won the cup, I helped, I’m getting drunk.”
He scrutinizes me for a moment. “Okay. But seriously, can you please be nice to Ruby? I know your interview was kind of fun when you did it all those years ago, and I know it’s late. I just figured it would be a good time since you’re all loosened up and, well, you’re supposed to be happy.” He pauses. “She’s doing really well now with her career, like I thought she would. And remember, journalists talk. If you get a reputation as an asshole, I’m going to have to do a lot of damage control.”
I close my eyes. “I can be nice.”
“Perfect,” he says in English, straightening up. “Hey Ruby baby, come over here.”
Ruby baby?
Ruby baby?
My nostrils flare, anger running through me, molten hot. I clench the shot glass, my knuckles turning white.
I look up as she walks closer, stopping right beside me.
I don’t even want to breathe her in.
I can’t even meet her eyes.
Instead I stare at her hands.
They’re thinner now, still pale, a few freckles, her nail polish red and shiny, no chips at all.
I remember what those hands felt like when they held my face.
Now, it makes my chest feel carved out and hollow.
Why the fuck didn’t I just leave when I had the chance?
“Luciano said he’d love to talk to you,” Marco says, putting his hand at her back and guiding her in closer. “I’ll see you in a bit.”
He starts to walk off.
“What, here, now?” I cry out after him.
Marco just gives us both the thumbs-up and keeps going.
This foolish motherfucker.
“I’m sorry,” Ruby says quietly.
I let out a vicious laugh, raising my chin to meet her eyes. “You’re sorry? Sorry for what exactly?” My words are biting and harsh, but I don’t care.
She flinches, just barely, worry creasing her brow. There’s a softness in her eyes that I used to only see after she came, when she was so open and tender. “I know this is really weird,” she says.
I scoff, my mouth dropping open. “Really weird? That’s what this
