“You’re right. I am not trying to be your friend. I don’t care what you think of me.”
I looked away. Geez. How hard was it going to be to have a regular conversation with this guy? But then again, maybe we weren’t meant to have a conversation at all. Maybe this was all just a business transaction.
“Okay, got it. You don’t care about me. Let’s just eat in peace, I promise I won’t say another word.”
I kept my head down. The last thing I needed was to have an argument with him, especially after the kiss. Now I regretted it. Would it have been so bad if I did kiss him? Maybe we could be having hot romping sex by the creek right now and I wouldn’t have to worry about my future.
“That is not what I said,” he spoke up again.
“Excuse me?”
“I didn’t say I didn’t care about you. I said I don’t care what you think of me. There’s a difference.”
I was confused. What was the point of this? I just stared at him and he put down his fork.
“If I didn’t give a shit about what happened to you, I would have left you at Fifth Gear with the rest of the girls from Teasers. I wouldn’t have brought you back here, out in the open.”
My throat had gone dry. What was he trying to say? That for some reason, he cared for me?
He must have seen the puzzling questions running through my mind because he let out an annoyed grunt.
“I’m trying to say that you are essential to our MC right now. The information you’re giving us is important. Drax and Mary-Beth need your help with Crash. So yeah, I care about what happens to you.”
It sounded like a bit of an excuse. Like he was trying to hurriedly come up with a plausible explanation for why he gave a shit about me. All I could do was stare because I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“Thank you for saying that.”
He didn’t look up at me again and continued with his food.
“I’ve been having a tough time for the past few months, and hearing someone, anyone, saying that they care what happens to me…feels good. Even if…even if you care only because you need me.”
Ghost clenched his jaws and met my eyes. It seemed like he had something to say. Why did he kiss me? Was he feeling what I was feeling? That there was something more to our relationship than professional give-and-take? But I couldn’t ask him directly. I knew he wouldn’t answer. He was too stubborn to admit anything, and besides, maybe he didn’t trust me at all.
“Why are you the only one looking after your grandmother?” he asked, and it felt like he had managed to read my mind. Maybe he could sense the loneliness in me. Maybe I gave off a scent of it, like perfume.
“Because ever since I can remember, it has always been just the two of us,” I replied.
“What about the rest of your family?”
“I don’t have any. My parents died when I was very small. I barely remember them. I have some cousins but I’ve never seen them either. My grandma is the only person who has stuck around, raised me and now…I don’t know how long she has left.” I couldn’t cry again. I’d shed too many tears in front of him already. I held my head up and met his eyes courageously. “I just want to make sure she’s not in any pain. There is very little else I can do.”
“You can go see her soon. In the daylight, tomorrow maybe,” he said and I felt relief wash over me. I was glad he hadn’t changed his mind.
“What about you? Does your family visit you here often?” I asked, looking around the cabin.
He smirked but only for a passing second.
“I grew up in foster homes. My parents died when I was young too. But I didn’t have anybody like your grandmother in my life. So I got pushed into the system.”
I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to comfort him, but I had a feeling he would despise me for it. I imagined his foster home childhood to have been difficult.
“I…I’m sorry,” I muttered, focusing on the food instead.
Ghost said nothing, he continued eating too.
“I am very grateful for my grandma, and the childhood she was able to provide for me despite our circumstances. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for you.”
He looked up at me then. There was fire in those eyes. Was he angry because I sympathized?
“No, it wasn’t,” was all he said. I knew better than to say any more on that subject. It was clearly a subject he wanted to avoid.
There was some more silence. I didn’t know what else to say. But when there was silence between us, the only thing I could think about was that fiery kiss. How could one man be so rough and gentle at the same time? Why had I pushed him away? I regretted it now. I wanted him. And I wasn’t afraid of him anymore, not when I’d seen this other side of him, in his home, in the kitchen.
He wasn’t going to hurt me.
“You have a guy?” he asked.
I wasn’t expecting that. Slowly, I lifted my head to look at him. He had his jaws clenched tightly, like he did not want to hear the answer to that question. I gulped.
Why did he care? Did it matter? If he wanted to take me, would he actually think about the bro-code?
“No,” I replied.
Ghost reached for the beer by his side. I hadn’t touched mine. He sat back in his chair and looked me up and down.
“Girl like you without a guy? I don’t believe it.”
Why would I be lying? I gulped.
“I had a boyfriend, we broke up a few months back.”
“He know about the stripping?”
“We broke up before that. He left. Got a job in Chicago.”
“What kind of job?”
“At
