And I hadn’t thought about her since then.
I’d got kinda busy.
But I did remember her blue eyes. Warm and big and sparkling with fear and excitement at the same time. This was Mercy?
I stood at the bar for a few extra seconds, just drinking her in. I wanted to fuck her, but not now. Right now, I had shit to do. So, maybe some other time.
2
Mercy
This wasn’t what my life was supposed to look like.
I didn’t remember how long ago I’d decided, but the decision was made sometime in my childhood, that I was going to be a nurse. Maybe it was around the time that my grandmother got really sick for the first time. She had always been the most important person in my life and I’d wanted to be able to help her, wanted to be able to help other people like her.
I was grateful that she was still alive, but she had suffered long and hard and her life hadn’t gotten any easier lately. She inspired me to train as a nurse, and now I didn’t know if I could even become one. My education and training had been suspended for some time and I didn’t know when I could resume it.
I needed to earn a living so I could cover my grandmother’s medical expenses. If I wasn’t there to look after my grandmother, who would?
It wasn’t just my career as a nurse that was on hold now.
I used to be a cheerleader in high school. I used to be one of the ‘popular girls’, the one who was expected to be seen hanging off arms of jocks. I had friends. Well, most of them were bitches, but at least I’d had some girls to bitch with.
Now, I had nobody at all.
Cheerleading wasn’t a paying job. And even though I was very good at it, the question still remained—what was I going to do for money? My grandmother still needed her medication. Hospital bills were piling up.
When I got home from school on those evenings when she was particularly sick, I’d hear her coughing wildly from outside the front door.
She could barely speak, and in the bathroom were smears of blood in the sink where she’d coughed them out. But we never discussed it because she would always just say she was fine. She didn’t want to see me give up my pursuit of a nursing career, didn’t want to stand in the way of my life.
I couldn’t just continue on as normal. I couldn’t keep going to school and returning home to find my grandmother crouched in her bed, clutching her stomach because everything hurt. I needed to buy the medicines. I needed to keep buying them and give her access to a steady supply. The least I could do was make sure she was comfortable in these last years of her life.
I needed to find an alternative source of income. Other than my passion for nursing, there was only one other thing I knew I was good at. Dancing. But I needed to find a way to make that skill pay.
I always thought I was too self-conscious and shy for a cheerleader, and was never like the other girls in my gang. Funny how life turned out.
I was the one who started taking her clothes off for money.
* * *
The idea wouldn’t have occurred to me if my friend Nancy hadn’t introduced me to it. She knew about my grandmother’s illness, and that I was struggling to go to school and also make ends meet.
I took up part-time jobs, whatever I could find, but I didn’t make enough to pay the medical bills. My grandmother was quickly running out of the last batch of medication I’d managed to buy, and I needed a solution soon.
Between school, the jobs I was trying to juggle and looking after grandma, I barely ever had time to meet with friends. Nancy had been calling and texting me for weeks till she just showed up at the gas station one night. I was on a late-night shift. I didn’t even realize she knew where I worked.
“You need to slow down. Look at yourself, hon, you look like you haven’t slept or eaten in days.”
And she was right, too.
We were sitting outside the gas station with cans of soda. I was able to take a fifteen-minute break and was already watching the clock. The last thing I needed was for my paycheck to be docked.
“Yeah, I’m stressed, don’t worry. I’m eating and sleeping just fine,” I lied.
“You look far from just fine, Mercy!” Nancy scolded and I shook my head.
“Things are a bit complicated right now but I’ll figure something out.”
She narrowed her eyes at me. “It’s not that complicated. You need money for your grandma and the bills. These petty jobs aren’t going to cut it. You need to find work that will pay enough. What’s complicated about that?”
“I get that. I’m not qualified yet. I’m working toward it though.”
“What if I said you could make that kinda money now?”
“Doing what? These are the only jobs I could find on my hours. I can’t get a regular job and also go to school and look after Grandma.”
“The hours will suit you fine.”
“Where would I be working?” I asked and she bit down on her lip. I saw the guilty expression on her face.
“Teasers. It’s a strip club.”
“Are you kidding me?” I quaked, jumping up.
Nancy remained calm.
“Before you lash out, just think about it. You know how to move your body, and you’re fuckin’ gorgeous. You’ll be really good at it. Think about all the tips you’ll make. And besides, it’s fun. You know you love to dance.”
I was shaking my head. With rage? Embarrassment? Confusion?
“You’re saying you think I should strip?”
“Wow. Get off your high fuckin’ horse, babe, lots of us do it. And like I said, it’s just dancing.”
“With no clothes on!”
“Yeah,
