"But only possible," I said.
He nodded in return. "Only possible, and the sooner we get to it? The lower those risks are. I won't lie to you, Adam. It's scary stuff, especially after how you've been feeling. You had a huge breakdown on the news. It looks bad. But I won't know how bad until I'm in."
I ticked through the possibilities in my mind. On one hand, I could sit here and wrestle with Allison's ghost, both literally and metaphorically, for the rest of my life. It had already driven me to drinking and hurting others. I'd kill Circuit. I'd killed Allison. The next person could be someone I loved.
The obvious answer to that was to run away and never return, like Simba. But I wasn't that kind of person. It rubbed me wrong and it wouldn't stop me from hurting innocents, if that was what Allison wanted. No one knew if I had an actual echo in my head or not, or if she was still controlling me, or if it was just -me-.
The last potential worried me more than any of the others.
What if I was just fucking broken?
There was only one way to find out, and that way sat in front of me looking like he was eager to pop my head off my shoulders and see what was inside.
"Can Izzy stay in here?"
He glanced at my sister and shook his head. "It's probably better if she doesn't. I can stop an attack from you. I can't predict what you might do to her, not so easily. But she can wait outside with the others and I'll be sure to tell you how you did as soon as we're finished. And, unless you're dangerous, I don't see any reason why she can't come right back in afterward."
I took a deep breath, sighed it out, and hugged Isabella close. "I love you, Iz."
"You're gonna do it?"
I nodded against her.
"I love you, too," she said, kissing my forehead.
Then my last advocate got up and left, locking the door behind herself. I faced James down and sat up straight, hands open palm-up on my knees, and swallowed. "Am I supposed to be this scared?"
"Probably best that you are. You were terrified, upset, and angry when she got in your head. It might be easier to get her out if you're in the same frame of mind," James said, popping his fingers. Then he looked down at his hands and shook his head. "It's so silly. That's all for effect. I don't even use my hands."
I watched him warily, and we were suddenly in a room far and away from everything else. A flat, white plain of existence stretched out between the two of us. I scuffed my shoe against the floor and tilted my head. No sound. No resistance. "Weird."
"It takes some getting used to. While I'll be working on the fixes internally, you'll be... for lack of a better word, fighting your way through your trauma. Does that make sense?"
"Not in the slightest, but I'm willing to try anything."
He smiled at me and vanished. All I could hear was his voice. "Just prepare yourself like you would for a brawl on the streets. You'll be facing down Allison herself while I work on other matters. It's going to be okay. Just remember that you can't possibly lose so long as you believe in yourself."
I rolled my eyes at that. "Really?"
"Believe in yourself. Is that so hard to do?"
God, it was turning into an after-school special. I rubbed my palms together and looked around, trying to think happy thoughts. Maybe I'd just float right into the fucking sky and off to Neverland. Or whatever.
The first strike caught me off-guard and sent me sprawling. Allison floated into my vision, a smile on her face. "You went and ratted me out to James. You coward. I thought you took care of business by yourself."
"I take care of what I can, but if you can't get rid of all the roaches yourself, you call the pest control guy," I snapped.
Her eyes narrowed and she sent a blast my way that would have ruined me if I'd been stupid enough to stay there. Instead, I rolled into the open vastness and I felt for my powers, but they were as of yet unavailable to me. She swooped at me and I grabbed her shoulders, throwing her into floor that served as a bottom for this strange universe.
As I thought it, the world snapped into view around me. Rather than white endlessness, there was a painfully dark road and tall buildings surrounding me. The apartment projects on the edge of Yarborough were a bastion for villains just trying to get their feet wet in the real world, often hurting the innocent people around them at the same time. I couldn't tell you how many people we'd taken out near these tender lives and I hated every minute of it.
You would think that those who were going to cause destruction would seek out the lives of the powerful, but I guess the security is too good on those gated communities.
She whipped me into a brick wall, which knocked the air out of me. When had she grabbed me? When I'd been distracted, reminiscing, when I should I have been concentrating on the fight at hand. But it was so easy to lose my nerve, so much easier to turn and run; once I peeled myself out of the imprint I'd left in the building.
I hated it.
I hated her.
"That's right, use that rage. It's what took my life from me the first time, Creed. Use it to end me again," she purred, her eyes ringed with a thousand different colors.
I shook my head and tried to bring myself back to some form of concentration. Whatever
