“I’m not uncertain. I just feel like we’re rushing through everything right now when we probably shouldn’t be.” All right, that might be closer to his truth, but still not hitting the true cause of his anger.
“How do you figure? We’ve been waiting to begin all this. I wasn’t the one who wanted to start this directly following your retirement. This is what you wanted.” Robert grew silent, his head drawing back, blue eyes locked on his. Robert’s face darkened as his brows lowered. “You do want this, right?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You wanted me to take care of every detail. The egg donor looks like me. Norris moved in with you and you didn’t make it back for the family visit. I’ve gone to every procedure, handled all the contracts. I’ve done it all, and you barely squeezed in time to spend more than a few days here over the last few months. Are you trying to tell me something?” Robert asked.
The last four months had kicked Landon’s ass. Transitioning his position hadn’t come easy and keeping up with his nightly responsibilities for La Bella Luna took so much of his time. Besides, he wasn’t the one who’d offered Norris a place to stay, Robert had done that shit without even asking him. Landon was at a complete loss as to what Robert was implying, except he hadn’t missed all the shade thrown his way in his mister’s tone.
Landon’s frustration boiled to full-on anger. If Robert could talk to him in a shitty tone, so could he. “What exactly are you asking me, Robert?”
“Are you planning to leave me?” It seemed neither of them expected that question. The pain on Robert’s face instantly made Landon feel like a heel. “Because if you are, you’re going to have a fight on your hands. This whole life is for you, for us. Everything I do every day is for you. I work myself into the ground—”
“Hush, Robert.” He rushed to his husband, his hands lifted in surrender. “No, of course I’m not. I’m overwhelmed that’s all.”
Robert took a step back from him, and that twisted Landon’s heart.
“Seriously, I had a moment of not understanding where I fit in. That’s it. You have this life that’s carefully planned. I didn’t see where I fit in, that’s all.”
“Every single thing I’ve done is for you. For us. I’m busy, Landon. It’s been hard managing it all without you. My schedule’s full.” Robert took a step backward again, and he still looked so hurt. “I took care of the in vitro because it’s something you said you wanted. I’ve kept my schedule full to help you with your retirement. I worry how you’ll cope with the military not at your back. You insisted on staying enlisted when all I wanted was for you to believe I could care for us, that I could make you happy. I’ve wondered if the Air Force mattered more than me—”
“Never more than you!” Landon shot back and broke through the invisible barrier holding him back.
“Stop, Landon.” Robert’s palm pushed against his chest. “I worry you’ll miss the Air Force and your buddies and want to go back there. Transitions are hard on military men. I want you to see we have a good life waiting here for you. I’m fucking trying so hard to make you happy.”
“I’m sorry.” Landon shifted forward, pulling Robert’s stiff body to his. “I guess I was shit at showing you how much you meant to me. You’ll always be first in my life. You’ve been first since you walked into my hospital room in Germany and gave me a heart attack or at least I thought I must’ve had one. I appreciate what you’ve done. I was stupid and afraid. I felt like you had a whole life without me.”
Robert’s gaze mapped his face. He could almost see his words fighting for control in that handsome head. When Robert didn’t immediately speak, Landon knew he had to do something to stop Robert’s runaway doubt in him.
“I’ve been thinking about something I haven’t said. I don’t know if it’s the right time or not, but I don’t want our children’s names to be hyphenated.”
“Landon, it’s not the right time.” Robert tried to pull away, but he held on tight. “I knew it was hard for us to be apart, but I always thought we were solid. I don’t want to have children if you’re not my partner and my co-parent. This wasn’t a path I’d choose by myself. I’m doing all this for you. I need to put a stop to everything if you’re thinking of leaving me.”
“Robert, please stop. I’m saying we all need to be Adams. I think it’ll be easier for our children in the long run. I’ll be an Adams too. Just don’t tell my parents.” The idea that he had caused Robert this much pain had him desperately seeking forgiveness with a kiss. He lifted his lips, knowing Robert wouldn’t deny him.
“Landon…” Robert looked skeptical.
“Let it go,” he said. “I’m an ass. You know I’m hotheaded. I get territorial about you. I like to occupy your time.” He lifted on his toes to plant a kiss on Robert’s lips. When Robert hedged, he slid his hand up over his husband’s heart, letting his palms rest there. The frantic thump had slowed to a strong, steady beat. Landon tried for a bit of humor to help move them back in the right direction. He caressed Robert’s cheek as he said, “Don’t worry. You can make it up to me tonight.”
“Make what up?” Robert asked, his tone outraged, but hopefully lighter.
“Saying I put the military first. I never have. I’ll fuck that thought right out of you tonight if you can pencil in the time.”
The pfft
