“You’re my patient,” Dr. Adams started, lifting his head to look at Landon, definitely shying away from him.
“Stop the bullshit, Doc. Just say what’s on your mind. You’re safe with me, and no one can hear us out here,” he encouraged.
Dr. Adams’s body shuddered as his head hung, his tone sounding shamed. “I’m responsible.”
“Responsible? For what?” Landon’s mind raced, trying to understand. The deep pain was evident in the rawness of the doctor’s voice. It showed physically when his body seemed to crumple in front of him like the man was shouldering the weight of the world.
“I did it.” Dr. Adams scrubbed a hand down the length of his face. “I let my father die. I save strangers’ lives for a living, but I let my father wither away to nothing when I had the power to help him.”
Landon was so confused. He grappled with the little bit he knew about Avery Adams’s death. “I thought he had heart disease. He lived twenty years longer than his father or grandfather…”
“No, not him. My daddy—Kane. He was in my care when he died. Autumn had wanted him in the hospital weeks before. She and I had a huge fight a couple of days before he died, but I gave into my daddy’s wishes. I stayed with him at his home. I was so arrogant. I thought I’d be able to handle the situation. He needed care, more care than I could provide at home. I should’ve forced him to see a psychologist months before he died. I knew he’d given up. He missed my dad so much.” There was deep anguish and pain in those blue eyes. Landon had no choice but to reach out and take the man’s shaking hand in his. He gave a gentle squeeze for reassurance. “Why did I so blatantly disregard his health? Even when I finally got him to agree to go to the hospital, he talked me into stopping by the cemetery. Why would I have ever allowed something like that to happen?”
“Doc, listen to me,” Landon said, hurting for this man’s immense pain. “There was nothing that was gonna keep Kane Adams alive. I saw it the night I stood watch. Your father died the day his husband died. His body lasted longer than I thought it would. He didn’t want to live without your dad. His purpose and reason was gone the day Vice President Adams died.”
There was a helplessness on the doctor’s face as he clutched Landon’s hand and lifted his eyes, searching Landon’s face. “I’ve lived an intellectual life. I believe in science. These decisions I’ve made make no sense to me. I know better than to believe in the mystical, but I can’t let go of all this guilt.” Tears gathered and spilled down the doctor’s cheeks, breaking Landon’s heart in two. “I let my parents down and I can’t get past it.”
Landon racked his brain, desperately trying to find the right words to help this fine man’s unbearable grief. “I promise you didn’t let them down. It was always going to end for them just like it did. I know in my heart you made the last months of your father’s life better. You need to understand that and let it be enough.”
“How do you know with such certainty how their end would be?” Dr. Adams held his hand as tightly as if Landon was a life-preserver in a deep dark turbulent ocean.
That was a harder question. Landon searched for some answer he thought Dr. Adams could accept. “Because it was in Vice President Adams’s words. It’s all there. He loved and was proud of you and your sister—very proud. He loved his family, but he saw his husband as his soul mate, and he didn’t mince words in making that clear to the world. Your father was his reason to live. They weren’t going to live without each other. I wouldn’t hesitate to bet my money on Vice President Adams being proud of how well you took care of your father to the very end, until they could be together again.”
Dr. Adams just shook his head, instantly denying his explanation. With his free hand, he wiped at the tears sliding down his cheek. “I can’t get there.”
“You’ve got to. I promise you they’re together. That should be enough. To hang on to the idea that you could have saved your father, that your actions could have stopped the inevitable, means everything Vice President Adams said in his books wasn’t true. It means they weren’t connected souls,” Landon said, his head and his heart vehemently holding on to that truth.
“What if it’s not true?”
Landon’s brow dropped and his eyes narrowed. Dr. Adams was a hardheaded thing. “You can’t think that way, Doc, because you’re wrong. I know it. I keep telling you I saw the truth that night.” A strong breeze blew across them in the otherwise still night, sending a small smattering of leaves stirring between them. Dr. Adams let go of his hand, reaching for the napkins on the table, stopping them before they blew away. He used one to wipe his eyes. Those vibrant blue orbs still brimmed with tears as he spoke.
“I chose cardiology to help make a difference in my family’s legacy. Now I can’t see myself ever performing surgery again. Something’s turned off inside me.” Dr. Adams let out a sigh and reached for his water bottle, draining the last little bit. “I’m sorry I dumped all this out on you. I know there’s no way for you to know, but I don’t do this.
