“I’m so fucking unsure with you. I’m going with it. I swear to God I am, but damn, you’re so much.” Okay, those words were completely unexpected. Robert moved around Landon standing in the entry, for nothing more than to close the front door and get them out of the entryway.
Since he wasn’t entirely sure whether those words were meant as a compliment or not, Robert decided he was now navigating potential landmines that might blow up in his face. Honesty was the best course of action. “In the best possible way, that’s the way I feel about you, and I’m trying my best to go with it as well. I’m treading new territory, but I like us and what we’re doing.”
“And what are we doing?” Again, the aggressive tone confused him with the simple question asked. When he didn’t readily answer, Landon sighed and threw his hands in the air again, pivoting around toward the stairs. Robert watched him go, filled with a desperation he couldn’t quite understand. The deep draw connecting them pulled him forward to chase after Landon.
“Please don’t walk away. I’m not sure what happened tonight,” Robert said, forcing himself to stop at the base of the stairs. Landon climbed up them only to retreat back down in his direction again.
“What’re we doing, Doc?” Landon came right for him, getting so close Robert took a step back. Fire lit his soul. Landon couldn’t have done a better job of drawing him into this one-sided argument had he tried.
“Don’t call me Doc. That’s what you do when you want to put distance between us.” The intensity of Landon’s stare bore straight through him as he continued speaking. “What do you want me to say? I’ve told you I’m into you. Do you want to say more? Because I’m prepared to if that’s what you’re wanting me to do here.”
“No! Absolutely don’t say anything more than that.” Landon ran his fingers over his close-cropped hair. “Where are the fucking voices in my head when I need them the most? Ugh.” He paced away from Robert into the living room, keeping his head cocked toward Robert, his eyes glued on him until he pivoted around walking past him the opposite direction. “I can’t help feeling like I’m trash compared to you, and I’m not trash. You’re making me feel— No, I’m making me feel less than I’ve ever felt before in my life. I hate all the uncertainty.”
The words weighed heavily on Robert’s heart as he stared, unbelieving, trying to absorb all the meaning in those unguarded words. He stood there transfixed by Landon, whose chest heaved, his olive complexion now pink with anger. Robert was bowled over with the love he had for this man.
Landon brought out a side of him he’d never known was there. He made him feel to the depths of his being. All the happiness of budding love, all the worry that he might not be enough to keep this magnificent man, but also the understanding and calm associated with knowing you found your one. Yeah, Robert got it, but more than anything, he wanted a chance to prove Landon was his other half. They shared equal halves of the same soul.
A breath escaped his chest as he realized his soul mate stood across from him. It was real—the spiritual connection that pushed him to Germany in the first place. Robert’s gaze immediately cut to the almost full crystal vase of feathers he’d collected. The most prominent being the fluffy one he’d found first that had guided him on a journey to meet Landon. He moved his focus back to Landon and took a small step forward, hoping beyond anything measurable that the same overload of emotions fueled Landon’s uncertainty. Their feelings were just too strong to fully navigate.
Robert’s worries faded as he gave a silent prayer to please guide him in a direction that ensured he and Landon remained together for the rest of their lives.
“You’re not trash, but we’ll come back to that one. What makes you uncertain?” Robert asked, trying his best to follow all Landon’s disjointed thoughts.
“I’m living with a man I’ve only really known a week.” Landon lifted a finger, silencing Robert’s immediate rebuke of the actual time they had known one another. “Don’t say I have my own bedroom, because I’ve been in yours every day since you got back.”
“We’re both happy with you being there,” Robert countered, stepping closer because he wanted to be touching Landon, take him into his arms, tell them both they would figure out their way. This didn’t have to be so scary or unsure. “What’s got you so upset tonight? I haven’t been letting you sleep enough—you’re right about that, and it’s selfish of me.”
“That’s not it. You’re filling my head with too much fantasy. I don’t live this kind of life. My feet are solidly on the ground. I know what this world’s about. I was taught to pay my own way, and I make enough money that I could live a pretty good life on my own.” Landon’s chest swelled in front of Robert in all his proud-man syndrome. “I need some definitive lines drawn between us. I gotta know what’s up with us, with where I’m laying my head each night and how I’m paying for that bed.”
“Okay.” But it wasn’t okay, and Robert wasn’t a liar, even when it might be the best thing to end this weirdly twisting and turning conversation. “My bills are minimal, but I guess we could look at you contributing to the house if that makes this argument between us end.”
There was deafening silence between them again for several long seconds. Robert wasn’t certain Landon was willing to hear him out. Landon’s stance physically eased, but it
