I feel a hurricane of jealousy inside my chest, and hate how easily I lose control of my emotions because of Shepherd.
I shouldn’t care.
I try so hard to ignore these feelings stirring inside, burning high. But it’s like trying to put out fire with gasoline.
In this moment, he turns his gaze to me, captures my eyes triumphantly as he speaks to Scarlett. His smile is cruel. He doesn’t bother to look my friend in the eye as he says dispassionately, ‘Quit embarrassing yourself. And do me a solid — find some other place to sit. Cheers.’
Lilac and Annabeth don’t hide their sniggering and I can feel Scarlett’s embarrassment like it’s my own. She moves away from Shepherd and sits with a red face.
I feel his dark eyes boring into me, but I’ve already returned to staring at the television screen.
Through my haze, I hear the snap of fingers. Hear his voice, ‘Amy.’
I don’t move. Don’t turn my head, but it doesn’t matter. He’s towering over me.
‘Word in private,’ he says. ‘We’ve got matters to discuss.’
I let him take me into the foyer, hear the whispering gossip as he closes the door behind us.
‘Did you have to be so vile to Scarlett? She didn’t deserve that.’
‘Don’t act like you don’t care she was coming on to me.’
I pretend I don’t care what he does and who he does it with, but I very much do care. It’s just, I know if he slept with another girl, then it would all be over between us. I could fade into grey and vanish completely.
‘You ruined movie night with my friends and embarrassed Scarlett. That’s the only thing I care about.’
He levels his gaze with mine. He wants something and I’m sure he will never get it. It’s the way his eyes reflect light, always seeming empty, never satisfied. Sometimes it’s as simple as hunger, but as often, it’s the reflection of something lacking. Something unattainable. He’s getting angry, I can see that, but I don’t look away. I want him to see his emptiness, his unattainable thing, in my eyes.
I don’t resist when he reaches for my hand, and takes me up to his room.
18
ME
I DRAG HER up the staircase, get her to my bedroom before I come undone, and rip that dress off.
She’s cunt-wet and eager for me. Knowing how lathered she is, gets my cock hard.
‘That’s Scarlett’s dress and you’ve ruined it,’ she says.
She's so mad, she actually grabs my hand to stop me from tearing it some more.
She's not letting up with her hand and things are starting to feel a little tingly in my head. It's almost like I can see her normally. The way I saw her before I fed her to the wolves. She's got this halo around her and her cheeks are pink and her hair's more golden than blonde, not white at all. And those eyes. Puts that lousy little moon in the sky to shame. Makes me want to leave my soul in them. Let her scorch it all over again.
‘Didn’t think it was your speed. And I’m not fucking you in some other girl’s skin. You might not give a shit but I do.’
‘You don't want to ruin my body. You want to ruin my soul and you think you can get at it this way,’ she gasps.
‘You think I don’t want to ruin your body?’ I put my mouth to her ear. ‘You keep looking at me like that and I’ll never let you leave my bed.’
I grab her face and pull her into a hard kiss. She kisses me back like my tongue is liquorish and she’s addicted.
Then I'm in her.
I drive into her on the rug of my bedroom floor, trying to forget what her eyes look like.
Her and her ghosts.
‘You think I don’t want to ruin your body?’ I growl, and pound her pussy so hard, it rattles even me. She doesn't answer, except for the wet, gasping sound that's her panting and desire.
Oh, she's tight and bloody-wet and trembling under me, and if I keep it up I'm gonna come fast. I reach between her legs and try for my new favourite bit of brutality — making her ache with guilt and feel fucking ecstasy at the same time.
I put the king in fucking. I won’t stop fucking her until she’s crowned my queen. Until every man in the world knows it’ll be their death if they even look at her wrong.
‘You’re mine, Amy. No man is ever gonna touch you again.’
She wraps her legs around me, as tight as her hands grip my neck. I feel her whole body shake when she comes over my hand. It doesn't take long with her choking me, but damn if my legs don't buckle when I come. Feels that fucking amazing.
She cries after I’m done, sobbing into my shoulder, hating me and clinging to me for comfort, still trembling from her orgasm.
‘I think about you all the time and I can't figure you out, Amy. You let me take you to my bed, knowing I’m not gonna be nice. Most of the time I don't even want to be nice. There's this sound you make right when I first hurt you that scratches a serious itch for me. After, I'm usually sorry I did it, but while I'm doing it, you look so beautiful and it's so fucking sweet.’
19
ME
When TUESDAY twilight hits, I come back from The Valley to find Amy jittering outside her room door. Doing her checks.
She’s wearing a baggy white sweatshirt. It looks like she’s lost some weight, or maybe it’s just the big clothes.
Amy’s locked up like a princess in a nightmare. It’s starting to
