“Oh, yeah?” I lean forward in anger, the indignation at his pretend ignorance running high. “Where was your love”—I have a hard time saying the word without finding something to throw at him—“when you were banging Amber the day after I left?” I snort in disgust. “I don’t know why you bother to do this, cause a scene like this, but it’s not because you love me. I was nothing more than a quick fuck to you. A good time, a distraction. Some new blood with a built-in expiration date since I was bound to leave.”
It’s not his stunned face that registers, or his body locking, but it’s the devastation entering his eyes and his whispered, “What the fuck?” that has everything inside of me go still. “You actually think I could do that to you? The day after you left?”
He shakes his head in disappointment, shoulders slumped like I’ve delivered a devastating blow he didn’t see coming. Like I’m the offending party in all of this, like it was me hurting him.
“I don’t think, Kade, I know.” My voice cracks on the last word. All these emotions getting to me. From the euphoria of making the jump-off to the pain of seeing Kade and everything in between, with a healthy dose of anger. “Do you think I enjoy feeling like this? Knowing for some reason another man I trusted fucked someone else behind my back? I don’t. I didn’t want to hear you fuck her. I would have paid good money to never have heard that.” I stomp around him toward the arena where I figure Dakota and Whisky are waiting for me. “But alas, as always, people keep hurting me.”
“I never touched her.” His voice is low but firm, but I can tell there’s also confusion behind his words.
I shake my head and steel my heart. I can’t let him back in, it hurts too much to have your trust broken by someone you love, no pretty words or fake promises can make up for that. You can camouflage your scars, but they’ll still be there beneath the paint of fake smiles and laughs.
I keep forgetting how fast he can move. Like a cheetah stalking its prey and attacking when it least expects it. I never see it coming, which is how I’m taken by surprise when a hand engulfs mine and jerks me around mid-step. I trip over my own two feet. I can feel myself fall, already anticipating the hard gravel cutting into my skin, when I’m hauled upright by two strong hands.
“Let. Me. Go,” I grunt, trying to get out of his grip, my flight instinct kicking in. All I can think about is to get away from him, the pain and anguish, the confusion.
“Stop it, Mon. Listen to me.” It’s him shaking me that finally snaps me out of the cycle of pain and anger I’m stuck in. His eyes lock with mine, and I can see the sincerity in the depth of the blue irises. “I have no fucking idea what you’re talking about. I haven’t slept with Amber. I haven’t touched another woman since the day I met you in the cold as hell barn and you ripped me a new one. Hell, I can’t even get myself off because nothing compares to you. To us.” He leans impossibly close, our foreheads not quite touching while still staring intently at me. His voice dropping to a whisper. “I miss you. I miss you clenching around me, moaning my name.”
I open my mouth to probably yell at him in indignation for thinking of me as nothing more than a body, but he beats me to it and keeps going, breaking every single wall I erected over the last three months.
“I miss you hogging the blanket. I miss how it takes you forever to get out of bed, but once you are you vibrate with energy. I miss how you don’t take shit from anyone and stand up for yourself, even if that means alienating people. I miss your smile, the way your blue eyes sparkle whenever you find something amusing. I miss how you become this incredible person when you’re working with horses. I wish I had half as much talent as you at reading them. I miss how passionate you are about them and your career. And how you can go from living in the city to living on a farm in the middle of nowhere and make it look effortless.
“I miss you. I miss everything about you. Hell, I even miss your stubbornness. I don’t really miss how you jumped to conclusions—and didn’t give me a chance to explain—thinking the worst.” A small smile tips the corners of his mouth. “I love you, baby. Forever and always.”
Doubt and hope are at war inside of me. I don’t know what to believe anymore. The part of me that’s been hurt too many times before doesn’t trust him, dismissing the validity of his words, while the part of me in love with him desperately wants to believe him.
Thoughts swirl around in my head, the confusion mounting. “But,” I start, staring into those blue-gray eyes I wish to get lost in, “I heard you.” Tears are blurring my vision again as the reminder plagues my mind.
“I don’t know what you heard, but—”
“I heard you fuck her, Kade,” I interrupt him. “You called me the day I arrived in Vegas—I don’t know why you would, maybe you butt-dialed me—but I heard her ask you to fuck her.” Saying the words out loud hurts, like a sharp scalpel slicing my heart open for the sole purpose to see it bleed. “And I heard the unmistakable sound of people having sex, I wasn’t going to wait around for you to finish to let you explain.” The tears I’ve been fighting to hold back finally
