I found myself nodding. “I can’t imagine what she’s goin’ through . . . to be told she has a whole other life to the one she thinks she had. She must be terrified.”
“She is,” Mr Ainsley said. “She is scared, and she wanted you. Your presence will help her.”
“But sir . . . if she thinks it’s 2015 then she thinks that I’m—”
“Her boyfriend,” Mrs Ainsley finished.
I felt lower than dirt when excitement and hope rippled through me. How many times had I wished that my and Noah’s memories could be wiped just so we could turn back time and be together like we were before everything became fucked up? I had got my wish, and the price I had to pay for it wasn’t worth it. Nothing was worth my sister’s life and Noah’s mental and physical health.
Nothing.
I swallowed. “I’m tryin’ to figure out in me head how I should approach her, approach the situation. I don’t wanna confuse her, and I definitely don’t wanna hurt her – but she’s married, and I’m not her husband.”
Nothing I did could change that fact.
“One day at a time, Elliot.” Mrs Ainsley offered me a small smile. “We can do no more than that.”
I looked back at Noah. “Does she know about Bailey?”
“No,” Mr Ainsley answered. “We told her she was in a car accident in a taxi, but we’ve not mentioned anything about your sister. I’m afraid, son . . . I don’t know how she’ll handle it. Doctor Abara is worried. When things get to be too much for her, she faints. Her brain is under a lot of stress right now; the swelling on her brain is causing her headaches that bring her serious pain.”
The thought of her being in pain made me feel so helpless.
“I understand,” I said. “It’s hard for me to say I completely agree, but I understand.”
“You think we should tell her, even with the state she’s in?”
“It’s not that.” I rubbed a hand over my face. “It’s the keeping-it-from-her part that makes me uneasy. I was always honest with Noah, and the one time I wasn’t it blew up in me face and then our relationship ended. It makes me hesitant about keepin’ things from her that I know she’ll want to know.”
Mr Ainsley reached out and gave my shoulder a squeeze.
“This is for her own good.”
“I know,” I relented. “That’s why I’m goin’ to keep me mouth shut because it’s for her benefit. You and the doc are right, it’s best to keep it from her until she’s stable. She was always close with me sister, and even though she pushed us all away after we broke up, I know she still loved her. Knowin’ Bailey is gone will devastate her, even more so when she finds out she was in the wreck with her.”
“You’re right,” Mr Ainsley said as he dropped his arm to his side. “This will sound stupid, Eli, but how are you holding up?”
“Not good, sir.”
I didn’t even try to lie. I had known Noah’s parents since I was eighteen, way back when I first met Noah. Not long after we started dating, she introduced me to them and her parents took an instant liking to me, and I formed a strong bond with them both.
“I’m strugglin’,” I admitted as I kept my eyes on Noah’s face. “I miss me sister more than I ever thought possible. There’s this constant ache in me chest. Sometimes it feels like I miss her so much that I can’t breathe.”
“Elliot,” Mrs Ainsley said softly. “Honey, don’t keep what you’re feeling bottled up. Your mum . . . she told me you’ve been drinking a lot.”
I rubbed my eyes with my free hand and cleared my throat.
“Tryin’ to find an escape is all,” I answered with a sad smile. “I just dunno what to do. I know everyone says time heals the pain when you lose someone ye love so it’s not as body-consumin’, but I dunno how to get to a place where I can think of Bailey and still be able to breathe. It’s my fault. If I was quicker about gettin’ Noah out of the car, I could’ve saved her.”
“Elliot.” Mr Ainsley locked eyes with me as Mrs Ainsley took my free hand in hers. “Do not do this to yourself. You did what your whole crew thought was impossible: you got Noah out of the car before it exploded. You risked your life and went against orders to save my child. It breaks my heart that we lost Bailey, but that’s not your fault. It was an accident, Bailey just lost control of the car on a patch of black ice. She died on impact – even if you’d got her out of the car, she still wouldn’t be here, son.”
A huge part of my brain told me that Mr Ainsley was right, but then I thought of the voicemail Noah had left me.
“Ye heard the voicemail though, they were scared of somethin’. Noah was frantic.”
“Unless Noah gets her memory back, we’ll never know.” Mrs Ainsley patted my hand. “There’s nothing to indicate it was anything other than an accident – you read the police report.”
“I know.”
I had read the report multiple times and revisited the scene five days in a row, and everything pointed to Bailey losing control of the car. I’d seen hundreds of accidents like it before, but something about the whole situation didn’t sit right with me . . . and it was all because of the voicemail that Noah had left me.
She had said the words “to kill” in her message, and she’d screamed for Bailey to slow down and shouted that she was driving too fast multiple times. There were so many unanswered questions. Why was my sister with Noah in the first place? They had been close once upon a time, like sisters, but that had changed after Noah and I broke up, so them being together was a red flag.
Why was Bailey
