CHAPTER THIRTEEN
NOAH
The cycle of being a doted-on patient continued for two days on the regular ward before anyone, including Doctor Abara, would even consider letting me even try to move about – which meant my catheter was removed, but I had to use a bedpan to pee and a commode for number twos. It was humiliating but it was a step in my recovery I had to take. Another step was strengthening my muscles. I now had a physical therapist come into my room and exercise the limbs that were able to move, to keep my strength up; apparently they’d had someone do this during my coma to keep my body as strong as it could be. At first, exhaustion made me meekly listen to my parents, and even Elliot when he suggested I just rest, but I was done resting.
I had spent a lot of time sleeping and not enough doing anything else. I knew I needed my strength, but sleeping all the time was extremely tiring. It was a paradox.
I could stay awake for much longer periods now; my headaches were still there, but the level of pain was nowhere near the height it had reached when I first woke up. That meant the painkillers I was on were no longer at a constant high dosage, which I was thankful for because all they did was kill the pain by making me numb and drowsy enough to fall asleep. I was never a big fan of using medication for every little twinge of pain I felt, and I wasn’t about to start now.
I had awoken from my first nap of the day, and I hoped it would be my only nap until I went to sleep that night. I found myself wondering if Anderson would drop by again. I hadn’t mentioned his visit to Elliot or my parents because I wasn’t sure how they would take it. Elliot didn’t like him just as much as Anderson didn’t like Elliot, and mentioning either one in the other’s presence didn’t seem like a very good idea. So since Elliot was with me nearly every waking moment, I kept it to myself.
It was interesting how I was able to cope with Anderson’s existence now. The situation I was in was slowly becoming my new normal. Having a husband who I didn’t remember didn’t seem as shocking today as it had ten days ago when I awoke from my coma. I wondered how I would view it in ten days from now. I hoped things would only get easier from here on out and my understanding of things would become clearer, because as of right now, my brain was still warped.
I had a lot of things I needed to get to the bottom of. I needed to know why Elliot and I were no longer together; I needed to know more information about the car accident I was in. I needed to know why my parents were scared to let me make decisions for myself and why they kept referring to never letting us drift apart again.
Whenever I mentioned any of the above, my parents, Elliot and even AJ would shut me down. I was always told we’d talk later when I was stronger, when I could stay awake for longer periods, when my brain could deal with more unsettling information. I was being treated like a child, and after my conversation with Anderson I had reached my breaking point. He’d given me information the second I asked for it – he’d told me about a little bit of my past that I had forgotten without overwhelming me, and I wanted everyone else to do the same.
The time for silence had gone; it was now time for talking.
I looked to my left, found the spot empty, then looked to my right and saw him.
“Don’t you have a job, paddy?”
Elliot’s eyes darted up to mine, then he grinned as he pocketed his phone.
“I’m on . . . extended leave.”
“Why?” I frowned. “Are you okay?”
“Yup,” he answered as he leaned forward and took my hand in his, brushing his fingers over my knuckles. “I hurt my back on watch a few weeks ago. I’m on leave until I get a physical at the end of the month.”
Having no reason to doubt him, I nodded.
“Does it hurt?” I asked. “Your back?”
“Nah,” he said. “But you know my job – you have to be physically fit otherwise it can mean someone’s life.”
I was very aware of how dangerous his job was. I had always been so proud of him, but I had been terrified every time he was on shift. I was always sure I’d get a call or a senior officer would show up at my front door to give me the news that would cause my heart to stop beating.
“Hey,” Elliot murmured. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I cleared my throat. “Just remembering that your job scares me.”
Elliot didn’t have to say a word; he knew what I was talking about and he understood.
“Where’s Mum and Dad?”
“I made them go home for a few hours. They were tired but wouldn’t admit it, so I sent them packin’.”
I snorted. “’Cause you’re bossy.”
Elliot’s answer was a wink.
I shifted as I stretched. When I dropped my arms back to the bed, I smiled when Elliot retook my hand in his. Every single time I woke up, he held my hand. I think it made him feel better to know I was awake and okay. It made me feel better too, but every time he touched me, I wondered what had happened between us that would have caused me to no longer want his touch. It was a constant reminder that the person I was had not chosen Elliot to be my forever person,
