His words scared me because I couldn’t imagine feeling for another man what I felt for Elliot, and a huge part of me didn’t want to.
He kissed my cheek. “I can’t let us cross that line, no matter how much I want, need and crave ye, green eyes. I’m terrified that when you wake up from your next nap, ye’ll have all your memories back and ye’ll hate me if we do this. What if you love Anderson and this is cheatin’?”
I felt my eyes burning with tears.
“You have to tell me why I’m with him, why we broke up. I’m done waiting, Elliot. I have a right to know what’s happened in my life, and you owe it to me to be the one to tell me.”
He looked down at me, made eye contact and nodded once.
“After ye bathe . . . we’ll talk.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
“Turn on the water,” he urged. “I’ll just bin me underwear and put me jeans back on once I’m dry.”
I looked back down at his body and licked my lower lip. My head was conflicted about my situation, but my body was not. I was still so insanely attracted to Elliot that simply looking at him aroused me to the point of pain.
“Turn around,” Elliot suddenly growled. “I’m tryin’ me fuckin’ hardest to do the right thing, but don’t push me, Noah. There only so much restraint I can have when I know ye want me like I want you.”
Not wanting to tease him and cause further hurt, I did as he asked and turned around. He helped me, his hands holding me tightly by my waist so I wouldn’t fall.
“Christ,” he hissed. “I’ve missed your arse. Do not complain about it bein’ bigger. I love it.”
I could practically feel his eyes burning a pathway on my behind.
I clenched my jaw. “I may be married, Elliot, but I can’t deny that I want you, so don’t say another bloody word. I’ve never wanted you to touch me as much as I do right now, so let’s just focus on getting me showered. Please.”
I felt him kiss the back of my head. “You’re the boss.”
He turned the showerhead away from us then turned the water on. When the temperature was just right, he turned it back and the water washed over me like a dream. I couldn’t contain the groan that left me.
“Fuckin’ hell, Noah.”
I held on to the support poles on the wall while Elliot got the shampoo, conditioner, shower gel and a washcloth.
“I’ll wash your hair,” he told me. “I can see your wound. You can’t.”
His voice had an edge to it, like he was angry, so I didn’t question his decision. I had twenty-six stitches that stretched back from my temple to behind my ear. They had been removed, but the jagged line was there and was no longer scabbed over. The hair on that side of my head was shaved, and that still horrified me but I reassured myself that it would grow back eventually. I leaned back against Elliot as he poured shampoo on my head and gently massaged my scalp, cleaning away weeks of dirt, grime and dried blood. My lips parted and another moan escaped me.
“That feels so good.”
Elliot didn’t reply to me, he just continued with his massage, and after several long minutes he rinsed my hair until the water ran clear. He repeated the steps for me two more times when I asked him to. I told myself it was because my head hadn’t been thoroughly scrubbed in weeks, and while that was true . . . it was his touch that I was trying to prolong.
When my hair was conditioned and rinsed, I took over. I took the soaked washcloth that was coated with shower gel and I scrubbed my skin until it came up pink. I bent over to wash down my legs and Elliot cursed. I looked back and found his eyes on the ceiling. After that, I quickly washed the rest of my body. When the water was shut off, I sat back down on the seat while Elliot got me a towel.
I squeezed water from my wet strands, then got to my feet with the aid of the support poles as Elliot held open a large bath towel in front of me. I smiled when he wrapped it, and his arms, around me.
“Thank you.”
He kissed my head. “You’re welcome.”
I hobbled over to the sink with his help and wiped away the steam. My towel fell down a little, and I gasped as I looked at the first true reflection of my new body.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
NOAH
“What the fuck happened to me?”
I wasn’t asking Elliot, and I think he knew that because he didn’t answer.
“This body is mine but it’s not at the same time,” I continued. “How could I let myself go like this?”
My stomach was destroyed with stretch marks, some light pink and others dark purple. My breasts were the same, and from what I could see of my thighs, they were there too. With a lump in my throat, I covered myself up with my towel and turned away from the mirror, not wanting to see myself any more. Elliot stood before me, dripping wet, with a big frown on his handsome face.
“You’re beautiful, sasanach. Just a different beautiful than what you remember.”
His sweet words were the crack that broke the dam. I burst into tears, and in seconds he had me gathered up in his strong arms and was whispering beautiful words in my ear that I needed to hear. I leaned against him heavily, until my sobs turned to sniffles. I felt like a train wreck.
No matter what Elliot or anyone else said to me, I was living in a body that I didn’t recognise. I had felt conflicted and out of place as I tried to come to terms with my new life, but seeing first-hand how different my body was
