“I love him. I really really love him. But I think I just messed everything up.”
“Cole?”
She raised her eyebrows in surprise. “How’d you know?”
“How could I not. You were too angry at him. Only someone you love can bring out those emotions. Anyway, what did he do and what did you do?”
Jade leaned up against the sink. “He asked me to quit this place.”
Brenda clapped her hands together. “Well, you’ve hit the lottery! What’s wrong with that? It’s not like you love working here.”
“No, I don’t but…” She chewed her bottom lip. “What if he just wakes up one day and decides that he wants something different. Where does that leave me? No money, no job, no education, and desperate…again. I can’t do it again.”
Brenda frowned. “Jade what aren’t you telling me?”
She pressed her fingertips against her temples. “I married someone a long time ago for all those reasons. I had no money, no job, and no education. I stayed in an abusive relationship for years. As a matter of fact, he almost killed me. Kevin made sure I was completely dependent upon him for everything. It made leaving him almost impossible.” She whispered. “That’s why it’s so important to me to have some kind of independence so that I don’t have to go through that again.”
“I certainly understand your need for independence. I’m sure if you communicated this with Cole he would understand.”
Nervously, Jade nibbled on a fingernail. “I don’t know. I panicked when he asked me to quit. I ran and hid like a little girl. I’m so much stronger than that. It’s just there are times when I have no idea where my feelings or reactions to benign situations come from.”
“Where is Kevin now?”
“In prison. We’ve been divorced for three years. Knowing he’s locked up, at least, gives me some kind of reassurance. I’m not looking over my shoulder every minute of every day.”
“Are you sure about that? What about that text you got a few weeks ago? The bottom line is you can’t let fear dictate how you make your decisions, Jade. I know you know this, but you’ve got to live your life. Otherwise, Kevin still has a hold over you.”
“I know. You’re right, and I really want my relationship with Cole to work. It’s so new, and I don’t want to freak him out.”
Brenda smiled. “I have a feeling, he’s waited for you for a long time. Just talk to him. He’ll understand.”
Resigned to try and talk through her fears with Cole, Jade motioned her head towards the door. “We better get in there before I don’t have to worry about quitting.”
*****
Cole had no idea how to deal with what happened between him and Jade. Did she really think he would hurt her? Seeing his own mother die at the hands of her drug-dealer boyfriend when he was only seven years old scarred him for life. He would never be violent with a woman—never.
It had been years since he’d thought about her. She was a junkie who didn’t even know who his father was and didn’t have any family that he knew of either. Jade was a big part of the reason he was able to forgive her. She helped him understand that addiction is an illness. And, that drugs held her mind and body captive. He often thought if she had been able to get clean maybe she would be alive today. Who knows if that were true but thanks to Jade it was a thought he held on to anyway. It was too bad that what he witnessed with his mother wasn’t the only violence he’d seen. For two years after her death, he was placed in foster care. His foster families in some cases were worse than his own situation with his mother. It was a small miracle he didn’t suffer too badly at their hands. Jade had been in foster care her entire life until she came to Marymount. It was more than understandable that she had trust issues. She’d told him on the day he’d beat the crap out of Kevin for calling her racist names and messing with her hair, that no one had ever stood up for her. They connected that day. He couldn’t save his mother, but he could protect Jade. He vowed from that day forward that he would do just that.
So much had been stolen from them but more so, Jade. She was right when she’d told him that Cricket no longer existed. Even though they’d been to hell and back, there was still an innocence about her back then that hadn’t been tainted. She still had hope even when things felt hopeless. That wasn’t the case today. She didn’t feel safe and protected, or trust him to take care of her. Even though she now knew that Kevin lied to her, Jade had carried around the pain of abandonment and disappointment for so long that it was probably hard to dissociate herself from those feelings.
Cole decided to drive out to Serenity House. That’s just what he did when he needed to clear his mind and think a problem through. Of course, Ms. Nash was in her usual spot when he walked into the house this time of the day. Most of the kids were at school. She was in the kitchen preparing an afternoon snack along with dinner. A couple of volunteers assisted her. She looked up to see him poke his head through the door.
“Cole! Well, this is a pleasant surprise.”
He walked into the kitchen and gave her a bear hug. He held her for a little longer than he should have. “Hey, Ms. Nash.”
Immediately, she knew something was on his mind. “I was just about to put your favorite cookies in the oven. Have a seat. Did you want a coffee or some lemonade?”
Cole sat down at the table. “I’ll take a water.”
Ms. Nash put the pan of cookies
