Andrei shook his head. “Decapitated,” he said. “Nothing can bring you back from that.”
“But this is a game,” I pointed out.
“It was a game up until you sacrificed yourself for Kai.” He huffed but there was very little amusement in it. “I think the elite guard shit themselves because no supernatural in their right mind would invite a demon into their body. Then it became a test for you. And then it couldn’t be stopped.”
“He’s dead,” I repeated. “I killed him.”
Andrei clasped his hands around my shaking ones. “You didn’t do it on purpose. The demon forced you. Nobody blames you.”
That was an outright lie. I bet everybody blamed me. It was only right. I blamed myself. After all this time, I was still doing stupid reckless things that were hurting people.
“If it makes you feel any better, if you hadn’t lured the demon away from him, Kai would have probably died.”
It should have made it better. I’d traded Kai’s life for a mage I didn’t really know. Would I do it again? It wasn’t even a question. Even now, I would trade anything to keep Kai safe. But that didn’t make it better.
The first tear rolled down my cheek. It opened up a floodgate. Soon I was sobbing uncontrollably. I buried my head in the pillow and bawled my eyes out. I’d thought there was no more emotion to wring from my broken body. I was wrong. I cried for so long the sky outside was lighting up with the first rays of dawn. Eventually, my sobs turned to hiccups.
Andrei sat quietly on the bed beside me with a bewildered look on his face. “Hey,” he finally said. “Don’t have a breakdown on me. My world only works if certain things remain constant. I’m the crazy one, remember?”
When he couldn’t get much from me besides an incoherent grumble, Andrei looked into my eyes. “You need rest. Sleep.”
I knew it was a compulsion, but I welcomed it. My eyes closed and I took comfort in the darkness.
There were raised voices when I opened my eyes again. It was night outside once more. Andrei was no longer in the room. My whole body felt stiff and hollow, but I touched my neck and the skin was smoothed over. I was emotionally spent. But I couldn’t lie around forever. Why were we still in the Lodge? Surely the games were over. I just wanted to go home. My first thought was my bed at Bloodline before memory kicked in and I remembered I didn’t live there anymore.
With an ache in my chest, I grabbed a change of clothes from the closet and went to shower. Fifteen minutes under an intensely hot spray still couldn’t wash the numbness away. I had to stop when my skin turned lobster red and I drew blood with the loofah.
The voices quietened when I appeared at the railing. All of the other contestants were seated in and around the couches. The Fae and vamp team were missing. The elite guard sat around the dining table with the heads of the Academies. While I had been asleep, everything had been restored. You would never know a fight to the death had taken place. It seemed wrong somehow. Like we were scrubbing their deaths away.
My eyes latched on to Jacqueline. She was leaning back against the stone island bench. She smiled up at me. I almost crashed to my knees from running down the stairs. She opened up her arms and I ran into them. I was pressed up against her chest. She rocked me in her arms.
“Shhh,” she said. “It’s okay. You’ll be okay.”
It never occurred to me that we had a weirdly close relationship until I finally pulled away and saw the foul expression on Headmistress Carmichael’s face. It was mirrored in the dead glare Chanelle gave me.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“We must decide how to proceed,” Angus said.
“Proceed?” I wasn’t going to win any Nobel prizes for intelligence, that was for sure. “Aren’t the games over?”
“Why would they be over?” the vampire asked. I struggled for a name. The head of the Midnight Guard’s forces was named…Igor? Ivan! That was it.
“I killed someone!” I hissed.
I steeled my spine, fully prepared to face the consequences. Ivan just shrugged. “This isn’t the first time a contestant has died. Mr. Thompson also killed a contestant.”
I glanced surreptitiously at Max. It had completely slipped my mind that he’d put down a necromancer in his rogue state. “Why didn’t you do something to stop it?” I seethed.
“Why would we?” Angus asked. “These games are a test of your fortitude in battle. We recruit only those who are suitable candidates. Remember that we’re at war.”
I felt combativeness rising. It clawed at my throat and wanted to spew out in a tirade of anger. With a self-control I never knew I had, I stepped away from the danger zone. Max made a space for me beside him. I sank down into it.
“Thanks for taking me out before I could hurt more people,” he said.
“Thanks for not killing me.”
He chuckled. His scars were almost healed. “At this point, I’m not sure that I could.” I scrunched my face and dropped my head back against the couch.
Max patted the top of my head like I was a cat. I tried to shove him off and it made him laugh. “You acknowledged my dominance,” he said. That’s right, I had done that. By conceding to him, I had effectively given him license to treat me like a submissive pack member.
“First of all, I’m not a shifter,” I told him. “And second, what happens in the games, stays in the games.” I swatted him off when he tried to pet me again. It was at that point that I became aware of a cold tingle against my spine. I turned my head to find Kai watching us without blinking.
Inside my head, I snapped at him.
