“Did you kill them in cold blood?”
Rosalie shook her head. “No. I never shot them in the back or anything like that. But, a few of the men didn’t want to come willingly, and they took hostages.” She pressed her lips together, before adding, “They were cowards and held their guns up to women and children. I had to stop them… I had to.”
“I can only imagine how hard that must have been for you,” he said, his tone compassionate.
Tears flooded her eyes, but she blinked them back, unwilling to show such weakness. “I saved those women and children, but I had to shoot those monsters to keep them safe.”
Paden placed his right hand over the clenched ones in her lap. “You did a good thing. You went out to round up Bill Garrett and his gang, and you have succeeded.”
“Mostly, but Bill Garrett has been eluding me for years. Now he has formed a new gang.” She sounded discouraged.
“Rosie,” Paden said hesitantly, “after you bring Bill to justice, what’s next?”
“I don’t know. I suppose I will go home and visit my nana.”
“Just visit?”
Looking down at his hand still resting on hers, she sighed. “You were right, Paden. Killing does take a toll on you. You tried to warn me the night before I left.” She turned her hands to encompass his. “I can’t go home, because I am not the same person that everyone remembers. I have changed, and not necessarily for the better.”
“You are the same person…”
“Am I?” she exclaimed. “I’m wearing trousers under my skirt because I intend to remove it if we’re involved in a shoot-out. Does that sound like the old Rosalie?”
Paden tried again as he watched her intently. “You may have learned some new tricks…”
She cut him off. “I am carrying two pistols on me. Do you want to guess where I’m hiding them?”
A growing red blush crept up Paden’s neck, and she might have found it flattering if she didn’t feel so indignant.
“I couldn’t even begin to guess,” he responded in a hoarse voice.
Rosalie reached down, pulled up her skirt and showed him the revolver strapped over the trousers on her right leg. “This is where I keep my revolver,” she informed him. “And I keep my derringer in my corset.”
While she was lowering her skirt, Paden cleared his throat. “Are you happy, Rosie?”
His question caught her off guard. After everything she had accomplished, was she truly happy? No, she wasn’t. Not until she brought Bill Garrett to justice could she expect true happiness. Realizing he was still waiting for a response, she answered, “I am happier.”
Paden looked at her with pity in his eyes. “Your nana misses you. Your friends miss you.”
It hadn’t overlooked her attention that he hadn’t said that he missed her. “I will visit soon.” Hoping to sway the conversation away from herself, she asked, “Are you happy?”
Furrowing his brow, he looked away from her, and she detected sadness in his countenance. He didn’t speak for a long moment, but when he did, it shook with emotion. “The night before you left, I came to visit you, and you gave no indication of what you were planning. I kept replaying our conversation in my mind, analyzing every word, every movement, wondering how I missed the residual anger in your voice.” He breathed a deep, heartfelt sigh. “You left me, without saying goodbye, as if I meant nothing to you.”
“Didn’t you get the note I left?”
“I got that,” he huffed. “You promised that you would return to me… to us. But that was a lie, wasn’t it?”
She winced, knowing she was deserving of his ire. “I said I would return after I brought all of Garrett’s gang to justice.”
“One day turned into the next, and I knew you weren’t going to come back to me,” Paden declared, his voice shaky. “Don’t you think I wanted justice for what happened to your father… to you?”
Lowering her gaze to her lap, she could only say, “I am sorry.”
“Unlike you, I didn’t go half-cocked in a wild attempt to get myself killed. I became a Pinkerton agent so I could stop the criminals and hopefully bring Bill Garrett to justice.”
“I am so sorry,” she repeated, her words sounding pathetic even to her.
Paden tugged on the reins, bringing the wagon to a stop in the middle of the road. He turned to give her his full attention. “I am sorry, Rosie. I had no right to speak to you like that.”
She brought her teary gaze up to meet his. “You had every right.”
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “The weeks after your father was killed, you were still recovering from your gunshot wound, and I should have recognized the intense fury still lingering in your eyes. You wanted revenge, and I was just hoping we could move past what happened. To build a life together.”
“My father was shot eighteen times, Paden! Innocent women and children were killed in the ambush!”
“But you survived,” he pointed out.
Rosalie swiped at the tear that was rolling down her cheek. “I couldn’t go on, pretending that everything was all right. Every second of every day, I’ve relived that moment when the first shot was fired, hitting my father in the chest.”
“Rosie,” Paden murmured as he pulled her into his arms. “I am so sorry that I wasn’t there for you right after you were shot.”
Allowing her head to rest on his chest, she replied, “I know why. You were in the posse that went after Bill Garrett and his gang.”
“I should have stayed behind…”
She shook her head. “No. You shouldn’t have. Besides, it wouldn’t have made a difference. By the time you
