She shook her head again and told herself she had to do it. What was her other option? Wait for eight more months and see if a baby appeared? That thought scared her way more than just doing a test, and she vowed that today would be the day she did the test and put her mind at ease.
* * *
Rachel sat on the closed lid of the toilet, timing the three minutes it took for the test to work. She already knew what it would say. Positive. Just like the last one. But she had to be sure. She had to know that the first test wasn’t just some fluke. The alarm on her cell phone blared out, telling her that the three minutes were up. She silenced the alarm and with a shaking hand, she reached for the test on the edge of the sink. She picked it up and closed her eyes for a second, gathering her courage. She opened her eyes and her breath left her in a rush. Positive.
There was no denying it now. Rachel was pregnant. Tears filled her eyes and she let them come, sobbing quietly as they flowed down her cheeks. There was a time when a positive pregnancy test would have filled her with joy, but not now. Not now that she was a bear. And she knew what this meant. It meant that Bastian must be a bear too.
She felt her insides turn cold as fear gripped her. What was she supposed to do now? She knew enough about bears to know that they were monsters. How could she have a baby with one? Despite her fear, Rachel already knew that she couldn’t have an abortion. As much as this pregnancy terrified her, beneath the fear was a strong feeling of maternal love. Almost without knowing she was going to do it, Rachel rubbed her hands over her belly, smiling through her tears.
“Everything is going to be okay,” she whispered to the baby. “I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
Her sobs began to trail off and she stood up and washed her face. Maybe all bears weren’t monsters. She was a bear and she wasn’t a monster. She had never hurt anyone and she had never felt the urge to do it. She let her mind go to Bastian. He had been funny, sweet, and kind. He had made love to her with such passion, but she also remembered the moment when he had penetrated her the morning after their first time together. She had been sore and she’d gasped when he’d entered her. And he had stopped moving until she had begged him not to stop. He hadn’t wanted to hurt her.
The more she thought about it, the more certain she became that Bastian was nothing like Lewis. Maybe he, too, had been turned into a bear against his will.
She went downstairs and sat down in the living room to think about this. Of course, she could have the baby and make no attempt to let Bastian know he was a father. It wasn’t like there was any chance of her running into him again, and if she did, she could just tell him the baby wasn’t his. He would have no reason to doubt her word. He didn’t know she was a bear, and like her, he would think that the chances of them having a baby together were zero.
As much as she felt like that would be the safest option, Rachel didn’t think she could do it. The thought of depriving Bastian of the chance to know his child, and depriving her child of the chance to know his or her father, didn’t sit right with Rachel. She knew she had to at least try to find Bastian.
The morning he had left for the airport, they had agreed not to exchange contact numbers. They both knew that what they had couldn’t last any longer than that one night, and what was the point of dragging it out with the occasional text or call? Rachel didn’t even know Bastian’s last name and he didn’t know hers. It had felt like a good idea at the time, a way to ensure it didn’t get messy. Now she regretted not getting at least his full name. If she had that, she could maybe track him down.
She thought for a moment longer and then she remembered the moment she had first seen Bastian. He had been coming out of a house opposite the diner she was in. She knew which house it was. It was the one with the yellow front door. Rachel’s attention had been focused on Bastian from the second she had laid eyes on him, but now that she thought about it, she knew she had seen a flash of that yellow door behind him.
She stood up, pulled her jacket on, and grabbed her handbag, leaving her house before she could talk herself out of this.
Rachel walked down the street quickly, not giving herself a chance to change her mind. She marched up to the yellow door and knocked on it. It was only after she had knocked that she realized she had no idea what to say. Would the person who lived here also be a bear? Should she tell them she was a bear? She didn’t know and it was too late to formulate a plan. The door was already opening.
A man peered out at her with a questioning look on his face and Rachel knew she had to say something.
“Hi,” she said with what she hoped was a normal-looking smile. “This might sound a little weird, but I need Bastian’s contact number.”
The man frowned at her.
“And how do you know Bastian?” he asked.
“We’re old friends,” Rachel lied.
“If that is true, then why don’t you have his number yourself?” the man asked.
“I lost it,” Rachel
