She poured cereal into a bowl and added almond milk. She sat down at the kitchen table with the bowl in front of her, and she realized that she didn’t have a spoon. She shrugged. It didn’t matter. She wasn’t going to eat the cereal anyway. It was Monday now, and the last she had seen of Bastian had been on Saturday at lunchtime. She had told him not to come on the Sunday if he wasn’t serious about being in Stephanie’s life, and she had meant it, but the way he had been talking, the way he didn’t hesitate before he told her he would be here, she hadn’t thought for a second he wouldn’t show up.
She had spent all of yesterday hanging around, waiting for Bastian to show up. She hadn’t given him a time, and it was well after two p.m. before she started to seriously think he wasn’t going to show. Even then, she had given him the benefit of the doubt, thinking that maybe there had been some sort of misunderstanding. She had remembered Bastian suggesting they take Stephanie to the park, and she had allowed herself a moment of hope where she told herself that maybe they just had their wires crossed. Maybe she thought Bastian was coming to the house, and Bastian thought they were meeting in the park. She hadn’t let the voice into her head, the one that tried to tell her that if that was the case, they definitely would have arranged a time. She had tried to call Bastian, but his cell phone was switched off, and that was when she knew for sure he wasn’t coming.
She had refused to allow herself to be upset, but last night when she had lain in bed, she had cried herself to sleep, no longer strong enough to stop the tears from coming. She’d told herself then that she would allow herself that moment of weakness, and then that was it. No more crying over Bastian. No more time wasted even thinking about him. It had been easy to tell herself that, but doing it was proving to be much harder than Rachel had thought it would be.
She sat at the kitchen table, staring into space, thinking of nothing but Bastian. Of the way he had held her. Of the way he had implied there could be a future for them. She had been the one to shut it down. Maybe that was it. Maybe he couldn’t bear to be there for Stephanie, to be around her if he couldn’t be with her. But that made no sense. Bastian didn’t give Rachel the impression he was someone who just gave up on something he wanted. He seemed like the sort of man who would fight for what he wanted. And she hadn’t imagined the love she saw in his eyes when he looked at Stephanie. There was no way he would walk away from her.
The more Rachel thought about it, the more sure she was that Bastian would have come here yesterday if he could have. Something had to have happened to him. She shook her head, telling herself she was clutching at straws, just looking for ways to let Bastian off the hook. But she didn’t believe it. Not anymore. Now that she had let herself explore the possibility that something has stopped Bastian from getting to her, her mind went to where he had said he was going. To take Lewis down. What if Lewis had overpowered him? What if Lewis had killed him?
She wouldn’t let her mind go there. It was too painful. She blinked, coming out of her daze. She knew what she had to do. She was afraid, but she had to know one way or the other. She had to let her bear out, trust her animal instincts. If Bastian was dead, her bear would know it. And if he was in danger, it would sense that too. She was confident her connection with Bastian was strong enough for that. She was just afraid to let her bear in.
She told herself Bastian was worth it, and slowly, she let herself relax. Rachel closed her eyes and took a deep breath and waited for the familiar stirring of her bear. Normally, she shut it down the second she felt it, but now, she let it come out further. As she did, she was filled with a sense of power, a sense of freedom like nothing she had ever known. But with it came something else. A certainty that Bastian was in danger. The bear side of her was restless, filled with adrenaline, telling her she needed to act. She held onto that feeling for another moment and then she swallowed hard, pushing her bear back down.
She got to her feet and went and got her cell phone. She called Doctor Monroe and apologized for the short notice, but explained that something had come up—a family emergency—and she needed a few days off. Doctor Monroe told her to take all of the time she needed and Rachel knew then that the doctor had heard the desperation in her voice. She thanked her and ended the call, and then she called Lena and asked her if she could stay here for a few days and have Stephanie overnight. Lena agreed and said she would be there shortly.
Rachel felt better now that she had a plan in place. She went and got Stephanie up and gave her breakfast. She bathed her and got her dressed and then she sat down to wait for Lena to arrive. Once Lena was there, Rachel repeated her story about a family emergency and then she
