The dig wasn’t discreet, but I didn’t want it to be. I loved my mother, for all her faults, and she’d given me everything. Toni? Well she deserved better, even if I couldn’t give it to her.
“Good luck out there today,” he said. “I’m sorry I disturbed you.”
I waved him off without absolution and kicked my overstuffed racquet bag to one side. Restless, I started doing a modified kind of step aerobics on the bench I’d just been sitting on. Motion always calmed me, and I needed my head back in the game.
I waited for Keiko after the match—we’d hugged and kissed cheeks over the net as usual—but she was nowhere to be seen. Knowing she wasn’t a sore loser, I asked one of the ball boys if he knew where she’d gone.
“Testing, I think?” He looked mortified to even be asked, but at smaller tournaments the ball boys and girls did more than just the on-court duties.
“Right,” I replied, realising that even as the winner of the match I hadn’t been asked. That was pretty strange in itself. With all possible respect, did it matter as much if someone was doping if they lost? Of course it did, integrity of the sport and all that, but Keiko was about the least likely suspect I could think of. I’d test myself before her, and I knew I hadn’t taken a thing.
We finally crossed paths again in the players’ restaurant, in this case just a small catering kitchen with a room attached to sit at long tables. It was private at least, so I made myself a fairly epic salad bowl and settled down across from her.
“You nearly had me there,” I confessed. “Is it me, or is it getting closer each time?”
“Sure, if you discount me dumping you out in Paris. That wasn’t close.” Keiko winked at me. “Did I hear right? Ruiz’s coach is shopping himself around and he came to you?”
“How the hell did you hear that?”
“I have sources.”
“Well, uh…”
“Only I can’t imagine how Britta would react to that. Tell me if she finds out; I’ll pay for a ticket to watch.”
I shoved some leaves in my mouth, buying myself a moment to think. “I said no, obviously.”
“Weird that he’d only move now, right before off-season. He should have asked in the summer.” Keiko knew more about the internal workings of our world than I ever would, so I nodded along. She’d probably be running the Global Tennis Association someday, and not as an honorary figurehead. “Does Antonia know?”
My stomach did an unhappy flip at the thought. If people completely unconnected to the situation already knew, it wouldn’t be long until Toni heard. Assuming she believed it, there wasn’t much hope for our friendship if she didn’t hear it from me first.
I glanced at the schedule on the screen in the corner. She was on court, which bought me a little time. I finished my lunch while Keiko talked about her winter plans in Osaka and made my excuses as soon as I could.
My player’s pass gave me access to the hospitality seating area, and on the first day not all the seats were occupied, making it easy to slip in for the remainder of Toni’s match. Xavi was in the front row of the box, and I frowned when even from behind I could see him gesturing. Toni wasn’t looking his way even between points, but it could still get her penalised for coaching during the game. I felt grateful for my mother’s silent glares all over again.
I found myself ignoring Toni’s opponent entirely, and for once I didn’t force myself to do anything different. I was exhausted from pretending I wasn’t interested, that Toni wasn’t attractive. So what if she was with the punk in front of me? Maybe she wouldn’t be once she learned what he was really like. That didn’t mean she was into women, or me specifically, but I was tired of giving up before I even got in the game. Let the disappointments come if they were coming; I could take it.
I leaned forward in my chair, sensing the cameras on me, and kept my face as neutral as possible until Toni won the point with a powerful smash. I cheered along with the crowd and let the world speculate why.
All too soon she had won the second set and was striding off court after the requisite handshakes. I slipped out and through the restricted area to meet her in the space actors would call backstage. For the moment, Toni still looked pleased to see me, so I rode that good luck and tagged along with her to the changing area.
“Thought you’d be back at the hotel for a swim by now,” she said. “Or maybe you should try your luck with a massage again?”
“Ha ha,” I replied. “No, I saw you were on after and I wanted to cheer you on. Say thanks for New York.”
“No match tomorrow, we could head out tonight,” Toni suggested. “Everyone keeps saying you haven’t done Singapore until you’ve had the actual Singapore Sling at the Raffles bar.”
I scrunched my nose. “It’s a little touristy, but if you want. The hotel itself is beautiful. I stayed there one year.”
“You’re the one who wants to be a tourist. Any more thoughts on Mexico?”
Having opened her locker, Toni started unzipping her tracksuit top. Oh crap. I hadn’t really thought this through. It was one thing to admire from afar, but I’d always walked the tightrope when it came to communal spaces. Nobody wanted to be that predatory lesbian. So although it was temptation in a very real sense, I turned my back on Toni so she could change.
Clearly, her boundaries were not in the same place as mine. Once she had her T-shirt off and thrown in a laundry bag, she came
