“Darling, I have no style,” I reminded her, leaning across for a kiss without caring that other people were around. It was freeing in a way I could easily get addicted to, so I did it again for good measure.
“Okay, you two,” Alice warned. “I didn’t sign up for the Love Boat, so chill.”
I smirked at her but sat back in my own seat ready for take-off.
Celeste retired in the third round with a hamstring problem, and Toni made it to the quarters before Fatima put her out in straight sets. The crowds had been in party mode for all the first week, so I was only a little jealous when I had to stay serious and focused going into the second week, while everyone else seemed to get into the almost carnival atmosphere. I’d even spotted my own mother with a flower in her hair, flirting her little heart out with some pop star half her age. If she knew he was gay, it didn’t slow her down one bit.
The Hard Rock Stadium was a pretty fun place to play in the end, and the day of the final felt like spring break for grown-ups. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt so relaxed going into a big match, and the credit was mostly Toni’s.
“You keep playing like this,” she told me, “and you’ll break the record this year, you know that? You only need two, and you’ll walk it in Paris if you play this well.”
“No, that’s over-confidence,” I warned her. “You can think it all you want, but I can’t let myself believe you. Besides, you’re on track for your all-important first slam if you keep this up. And get past me, duh.”
Mostly, I didn’t want our Miami bubble to pop. Next week, Toni was off to play in Charleston, and I had a week at home. Alice had already started drawing up the plans for my foundation, so time would be taken up on that. A first real step to life after tennis, which I couldn’t wait for.
Because although I was enjoying my tennis again, playing well and hopefully about to chalk up another trophy, most of all I wanted to find out what was on the other side of all this. Part of me knew that staying on the tour would keep my path crossing with Toni’s more often than not. But then there would be months like this one coming, where I could be in Lugano while she was in Bogotá, meeting up again in Stuttgart for a week only to split again for Prague and Morocco. That was before we counted the skippable tournaments for me, or the few that inevitably fell to injury here and there, even for the less serious aches and pains.
A little voice somewhere in the back of my head, the kind that only spoke up in the middle of the night when I was struggling to find sleep, kept suggesting that if only one of us was still playing, the other would be free to just follow that one schedule. It was way too soon to think about living together, about big commitments, but the touring life had the benefit of all that togetherness without exactly having to make it official.
Not that I brought up the subject. If I missed Stuttgart, we’d miss each other for most of a month until reuniting in Madrid at the start of May. Hardly unbearable, but it would certainly be a test.
“What are you thinking about?” Toni asked as I pulled on my socks and trainers, ready for the match.
“Babies,” I blurted out without thinking. “Um, I mean. Someone asked the other day if I wanted kids. So I was thinking about babies.”
I expected her to laugh at me like she usually did. I had a habit of just saying my first thought around her already.
“Really? Is that part of the whole walk-away-from-tennis thing? Or are you going to have a baby and come back?”
“Woah, woah, wait. Nobody said anything about having one, not for a long while. But yeah, I’ve realised it’s probably something I want to do. Or at least think about. I’ve never let myself do that before.”
Toni walked over to the window, even though we’d probably memorised the view by this point.
“Yeah, me either. And Elin, I know we’re not… I mean, nobody is even thinking about… But I’m not there yet. I’m not where you are on the whole career thing. If I can play until I hit thirty-two, or longer, I want to stay in as long as I can.”
“I know.” I stood, shoes tied just right, and went over to hug her from behind. “We’re at two different stages, and a lot of the time we’ll be in two different places. But maybe there’s no reason, once we work out our own part, why we can’t try to combine the two. Sometimes. A lot of times.”
“I’d like that,” Toni whispered, leaning back against me, her eyes closed. I kissed her neck gently, leaving her room to talk. “But I worry. You’re so…you. The best at this, and you’re halfway done with it. I worry that when you leave tennis, you’re going to leave me with it. Which—again—way too much assuming and jumping ahead.”
“Trust me, if there’s one thing I’ve learned these past few weeks, it’s that this damn sport can’t be so bad as long as you’re in it. The rest is details. We work those out as we go. And if things get serious, we make serious decisions.”
“I should go,” Toni replied, and I could feel her pulling away before she even attempted to actually leave my arms. Something inside her had closed down to me, and I had no idea what.
“Will you still come cheer me on?” I asked, confused and unable to hide it
