Skinny body. Dark circles under his eyes. The big scar on his shoulder where he’d been shot. “I look terrible.”
The Devin in the mirror grimaced. “You look like a selfless dipshit who cares more about everyone else than he does himself. You will eat, and you’ll regain the weight.” His fingers smoothed along the slope of Joe’s neck. “You are always beautiful to me.”
Time slipped past as smoothly as Devin’s hands over Joe’s skin. The cleaning turned into caressing and kneading until the water had run cold and Joe’s skin was on fire. When Devin pressed his dick, hot and hard, into the small of Joe’s back, Joe inhaled sharply and exhaled the truth.
“I let someone touch me.”
Devin’s hands stilled on Joe’s ribs. “What?”
“A blowjob. To get the nanotech. He didn’t finish, and I didn’t even taste any pre, so he probably couldn’t have given me anything, but I thought you should know before we have sex.”
Those hands on Joe’s ribs clenched into fists. “You think disease is the part of that story that’s gonna piss me off? You dick.”
Joe’s hands shook. Whether that was an effect of the hunger that had made a comeback after he’d resumed eating or it was because of nerves, he wasn’t sure.
“Turn around and get on your knees,” he said. “You’re too tall.” He pulled the soap from Devin’s fist and lathered up all that fine blond hair on top of Devin’s head. “I did what I had to do to save you. If you’re going to fault me for it, first ask yourself what you’d have done if our roles were reversed.”
Joe knew the answer, even if Devin wasn’t ready to admit it out loud yet, so he kept himself busy, washing Devin’s hair, his face, his neck and shoulders. When he’d done both of Devin’s arms, he knelt behind him. The broad frame of muscle and bone covered by a canvas of soft, peachy-gold skin held all of Joe’s attention. He soothed himself by sliding the soapy washcloth over that expanse, feeling the muscle bunch and release underneath, watching the skin where he pressed turn paler then rebound to its Devin-only shade a moment later. So soft and smooth. So powerful and fragile all at once. When he’d taken his fill, he wrapped his arms around Devin’s middle and kissed the nape of his neck. “It’s freezing. Lie on the bed with me.”
The dingy, too-thin towel left Joe’s skin damp, and he was shivering by the time he checked the bed carefully and climbed under the covers. Scratchy sheets dragged at his sensitive skin.
The bed creaked and dipped under Devin’s weight. Joe turned his head to ask what Devin was thinking, but Devin cut him off with his warm mouth, his insistent tongue.
They stayed that way for a while. Devin taking. Joe letting himself be taken. Despite their fervor, the kisses never turned into anything more.
Devin broke away, finally, his lips red and wet. “I was certain I’d never see you again. When my eyes went wrong. Potentially an entire life of blindness, and what made me want to scream and punch the fucking walls was that I might never see your face.”
“I’m right here.”
“I hate the life we’ve had to live. I don’t hate you for living it.”
Joe rolled over onto his side, facing Devin. From so close, every brown eyelash stood out. Every tiny wrinkle. The way the blue of Devin’s eyes was lightly striated, one intense sky blue bleeding into a cloudy day before turning back into the blinding heat of the summer. Joe could stare forever.
“I’ve been scared,” he told Devin. “Scared since we got to Navarro’s and saw the wall.”
“I know you’ve been uncertain.”
Joe shook his head. “That doesn’t even begin to cover it. It was a gnawing feeling back then, but it’s gotten worse and worse every day since.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You were in so much pain. I didn’t want to add to it.”
“That was stupid.”
Joe laughed lightly. “No, it wasn’t. I was worried you’d leave me when —”
“Asshole.” Devin thumped Joe’s chest with the back of his hand, but his voice remained soft, yielding. “You know I’d never leave you.”
“It wasn’t really about you. I thought I wasn’t enough. Not smart enough, white enough, rich enough. I kept thinking my dad must have left me and not come back for a reason. He must have known I’d fail, or he realized it once he got to Minneapolis.”
“You don’t fail.”
“Come on, papi. We both know that’s not true.” Joe laid his hand on Devin’s hip, stroked over the microchip embedded there, its edges more prominent than they had been months ago, before they left Flights of Fantasy, back at the carnival when Joe had first told Devin about citizenship. How Devin had it and Joe didn’t. “I screw up as much as anyone else. But I know who I am, and I am not giving up on my dream just because my dad might not have believed in me.” He stopped the rhythmic petting of Devin’s hip and pulled him close enough that they touched from their toes to their stomachs. “And you are part of my dream.”
Devin made a sound somewhere between a growl and a moan, his hips flexing under Joe’s hands. His thick arms wrapped around Joe, locking him in place as his hands began to wander. “I damn well better be.”
He slapped gently at Joe’s ass, and Joe squirmed, rutting against that tight, soft-skinned body. When Devin’s fingers grew insistent against the cleft of Joe’s ass, Joe wrapped his leg over Devin’s hip and said, “I need you to fuck me.”
“God yes.” Devin’s teeth scraped over Joe’s throat.
The sting of it, the animal vulnerability of baring his throat to another man, God, Joe arched into it, tried to rub every part of
