“But, in our little circle there was another young lady more practiced in the arts of flirtation than I. She was very pretty and lively, and younger than I (I was in fact several years’ the gentleman’s senior) but, without malice may I say I thought her too ill-informed to be the wife of such a man. The disparity between them was too great for understanding on her side, or respect and confidence on his. However, he made his choice of her, for better or for worse, and so my hopes were ruined. I understand that they have five daughters now and, my village correspondents tell me, have nothing put aside to settle on them. Perhaps there will be five more governesses in time! I cannot help but feel that had I been his wife, I would have managed his affairs more carefully. But (resuming her usual brisk tone) that was many years ago.”
“Please tell me what pleasures have most consoled you, Miss Lee?” Fanny asked with interest, for she had never suspected that Miss Lee, like herself, was divided from the man that she loved.
“Oh…… playing the piano, reading, and walking out on a lovely morning such as this. I have maintained a large correspondence with my girlhood friends.”
“May I hope that you took some pleasure in enlightening young minds?” Fanny asked with a little smile.
“Oh, perhaps, when I had a student who was truly interested in learning,” Miss Lee nodded at Fanny significantly. “But I would caution you, especially as your pupils are at such an endearing age, not to become over-fond of them. You must always part with them in the end, and although you live together on terms of the greatest familiarity, you are not a member of the family; yours is a mercantile relationship. You must not lose sight of that essential point. Furthermore, overpartiality is an enemy to good discipline.”
Fanny said nothing to this, as she could not find it within herself to agree entirely. She asked, instead, “Miss Lee, I trust you were happy at Mansfield Park?”
“I was not unhappy, and Mansfield Park is a beautiful home. Could anyone, knowing of the misery and poverty we see all around us, pity someone who lives in such a place as Mansfield Park? When thousands are fainting for bread shall I ask for pity, while I was dining on roast beef and fish?” And here Fanny looked down, and blushed. Seeing this, Miss Lee added, “Nor was I ill-treated by anyone there. But I shall not speak familiarly of your relations before you.”
“And may I ask, when did you enter into the occupation of governess?”
“Not long after my hopes were disappointed. My father died, I was left with almost no income. My destiny, my fate, was clear and I resolved to face it. That was some five-and-twenty years ago, and I have served in three households, which is tolerably few, but—you cannot have failed to observe I wear a false fringe on the front of my cap. Under it, my hair is all grey. Once my duties end here, no doubt I will be cast once again on my own resources.
“Now for you, Fanny. You do know that Lady Bertram still corresponds with me, occasionally. She seldom mentions you, to own the truth, though it is not to be wondered at that she would have more to say about her own sons and daughters. But if I were to write to her, and enquired after you, what would she say?”
Fanny blushed and hung her head. “I have told them that I am a governess but have not given them any particulars. I did not wish them to have the power, or should I say the means, to compel me to return. Although this decision has, I own, caused me great pain and remorse, I feel it has been for the best. But the inevitable consequence is, that I have no idea what Sir Thomas and—and all the family think and feel about my quitting them so suddenly. Sometimes I feel that they must be worried about me; at others, I fear they must have forgotten me already. So, in truth, I do not know what Lady Bertram would say to you.”
“Before you ask me, I will assure you—I will not betray your confidence. Not because I think it advisable or courteous for you to deceive your own family in this fashion, but because I respect and honour that desire for independence and self-sufficiency which you have demonstrated.”
Her interview with Miss Lee was instructive to Fanny. Despite Miss Lee’s formality of manner, she recognized that her old governess wished her well, and she was sensible as never before that even the most resolutely composed persons of our acquaintance, while presenting a placid face to world, may, unbeknownst to us, have secret trials, regrets and sorrows. She thought of her uncle Sir Thomas, likewise so reserved in his manner, and felt that she had little understood him or done him justice.
Mr. Smallridge was so late in coming home with the children from the Market that Mrs. Smallridge met the carriage in front of the house and, to Fanny’s discomfiture, scolded him immoderately in front of the servants. The two sleepy children were bundled from the carriage and prepared for bed, half-asleep, while telling their governess, between yawns, of Punch and Judy and jugglers and gypsies and a wheel of cheese as large as a carriage wheel and other wondrous sights.
Fanny bade the nursery maid let the children sleep as late as they wished the next morning.
* * * * * *
Miss Crawford was, to all the world, as gay and light-hearted, as lovely and delightful, as she had ever been. She adorned
