“I was going to tell you too,” I answer.
“And then Malcolm fucking pushed himself on you. I about lost my damn mind.”
“I remember,” I nod, suddenly feeling cold as a shiver works through my system.
“I saw red. I wanted to kill him for putting his hands on you, on someone that wasn’t his. I felt so protective and possessive. I knew right then that anyone else touching you, would make me feel like that.”
My body heated with nerves from the memory of feeling Malcolm against me, pushing me against the tree. “I appreciate you coming to my rescue. I don’t think I ever said thank you.”
Rowan leans forward and puts his elbows on his knees. “You never have to say thank you for something like that, Everly. Anyone decent would have done it.”
“Yeah, but it was you who did it. How many people were there, and you stepped up? Who knows what would have happened.” I don’t even want to think about it.
“And then we had sex in my truck,” he says flatly.
I don’t think I can ever think of that experience with no emotion. “It was the best night of my life, Rowan.”
He snorts and snatches the straw from the cup, tossing it on the floor. He downs the rest of his drink, the ice clinking together as he turns the glass up. “You sure knew how to show it.”
The first tear breaks free from the hatred in his tone. “You don’t understand.”
“Make me understand. Make me understand how you can say you love me so much, and then leave me like I didn’t mean shit to you. Do you know what it did to me, Everly? Do you know how depressed I got? My heart was numb. I didn’t start to feel it again until two years ago. I was finally getting over you, I think. But then every time I thought I was, you’d pop back in. And I’d fall all over again and start at square one. I was ready to give it all up for you. I was ready to follow you to the end of the fucking world because you were my world.” His eyes turn red as tears threaten his eyes.
“That’s why I left. It’s why I never answered your calls. I wanted to be with you, Rowan. I cried every night for you. I missed you so much. I couldn’t sleep the first year without you. I was so used to your arms wrapped around me. But I couldn’t be the reason why you didn’t go for your dreams or mine. You always said you were going to be successful. You were going to be rich. And I didn’t want to be the one holding you back. We could have resented each other.”
“And I resented you anyway.”
“I know,” I say. “But your dreams came true.”
“My dream was you, Everly. All the money, the company, it would have happened either way.”
“I thought I was doing the right thing. I’m sorry,” I say.
“You should have talked to me. You shouldn’t have taken that opportunity away from me. I deserved that.”
“You did,” I concede. “I know that now. I made a mistake, but it was never a mistake giving my virginity to you, Rowan. All my firsts are with you. That means something to me.”
“It was my virginity, too!” he shouts, the vein in his forehead popping out from the frustration. “It was my virginity, too. I had never had sex before, Everly.”
“What?” I whisper, the drink nearly falling out of my hand. “That’s impossible. All the girls…”
“All the girls meant nothing to me like you did. I thought dating would eventually dim my feelings for you. But no one ever did. Sure, I kissed a few people, but I never wanted them the way I wanted you. I guess you could say I waited for us to have the opportunity. I wasn’t sure if it would ever happen, but having sex for the first time, I knew it had to be with you.”
The breath leaves my lungs in a big swoosh. I don’t know what to say. My entire body is shaking from shock. “I had no idea.”
“You didn’t stick around long enough to find out.”
“You felt like you knew what you were doing. I would have never known. Unlike me,” I say, pushing my hair behind my ear. “You made the experience amazing, Rowan.”
“You felt so good. I can’t even put into words how amazing it was. Everything fell into place for me that night. I knew I had to be with you,” he says.
“It’s still amazing.”
He nods, “It only gets better.”
I finish my third drink by the time we are talking about this and walk over to the bar to make another since the pitcher is empty at this point. Alcohol always makes things easier to talk about. Otherwise, I don’t think I would have talked to him about it. I should have. I know that. I’ve known that for a while now.
“I still love you,” he says in a low hush.
I sit my drink on the bar and strut over to him. I take off the straps of my dress on the way over. He uncrosses his legs and spreads them wide. Rowan’s arms rest on either side of him. His pants tent higher and higher the further I drop my dress below my breasts, and that’s all it takes for it to fall to the floor.
He sighs as he looks my body up and down. “So beautiful.” He runs his hands up my belly, placing it over my heart. “I think I’ll always love you to the point of madness, Everly.”
“I’ll always love you too, Rowan. Until the end of time and space.”
The vodka gives me the courage to do what I want. I straddle his waist, the
