I really don't want to do this. I don't see any more reason to talk to him. But if having this conversation will finally make him realize that we're truly over, then I'll give him time.
"I want you to know that I'm not pissed at you for punching me. Even though I'm still sporting the evidence," he jokes.
The bruise is barely there anymore, but I still wince. "Yeah, that was a mistake. I shouldn't have punched you. I got carried away. I'm sorry."
Although it initially felt good, it didn't last long. Guilt had settled after the euphoria faded. I'd been tempted to apologize since, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
So I guess, in a way, it's good that Liam decided to talk to me.
"Because I was antagonizing Parker."
I open my mouth then close it again. As much as I want to deny it, he's right. It was the reason why I punched him. Nothing else.
"It still didn't make it right."
"No, it didn't. But I was out of line for bringing up his family issues. I completely deserved that suckerpunch."
"That's exactly what baffles me, Liam. How could you hurt and betray him knowing what he was going through?" I accuse.
Shame washes over his features, and he hangs his head. "I know. What I did to him was really shitty. I was, I don't know, jealous? Because even though things were miserable at home for him, he still didn't look like it. He was still pretty put-together. He still acted like he was living a perfect life. Like nothing bothered him."
"You were feeling insecure."
He nods reluctantly.
I guessed as much. He always hates that everyone sees Parker as more superior than him. And even though Parker tends to be aloof and standoffish, for some reason, they still like him better. I guess it also hurts that girls seem to prefer Jamie, Bennett and Giovanni over him. That they find the other guys "more fun" to be around with.
I don't have to be in his shoes to know that it sucks. But it still doesn't excuse his behavior. Parker can be a jerk sometimes, but it's not like he goes out of his way to make people feel that way toward Liam.
"I didn't see it before. But I see it now. And I deeply regret my past actions." He gives me an earnest look, as if to plead for me to believe him.
"If you regret what you did, why are you still with Peyton?"
"I'm not. I already broke things off with her weeks ago. She just doesn't know how to let go."
I snort, skeptical yet a part of me wants to believe him, considering she's still harboring irrational grudge toward me.
"Sawyer, I swear it. You have to believe me."
I'm not going to respond to that. But there's one thing I need him to clarify. What Peyton told me about them.
"When did you and Peyton start hooking up? From the very beginning."
With a sigh and a shake of his head, he relents. "A few months before we started dating."
So Peyton has been telling the truth. "He was mine first."
"What happened?" I ask, curious not jealous. Not even a smidgeon.
"I wanted it to be more than just a hookup. For her to be my girlfriend. But we weren't on the same page. She wasn't ready to be serious, so we stopped hooking up. And then you happened."
I can't take the earnestness and longing in his gaze so I shift my eyes and look down.
"At first, she wasn't bothered. She thought it was just a fling. But then, months passed and we hadn't broken up. That was when she demanded I dump you."
I clench my fists. The whole time Peyton had been gushing about being happy for me was a complete lie. I had a feeling it was the case after Liam cheated, but hearing the confirmation from him still hurts. She was never my best friend.
"And when you didn't, Peyton thought she'd make you jealous by being with Parker."
"Yeah," he admits. "Looking back on it, I think it was also Parker's way of getting back at me for going after you."
I snap my eyes up. "W-What do you mean?"
"Parker—he's always wanted you. He had plans of asking you out, you know? But then I realized I liked you, too. So I beat him to it."
My heart thuds hard inside my chest. Parker has always wanted me? He was supposed to ask me out? Is it even true?
He kissed you, remember?
But he also avoided me afterwards, causing me to think that he regretted kissing me.
God, this is all so confusing.
Later. I'd think about it later.
"Why am I even telling you this? You probably already know. You did say he kissed you, after all." There's bitterness in Liam's voice.
"Liam—"
He reaches across the table and takes hold of my hands. "But I don't care about that." He winces and shakes his head. "Okay, that's a lie. I care. A lot. But I'm willing to forget it. I can pretend it didn't happen. Just forgive me and give me another chance. Be with me again."
I stare at the guy sitting across from me. My first kiss. My first love. My first heartache. I stare at him and feel...nothing.
No lingering feelings. No sadness. No resentment. Just plain nothing. All that I ever felt for him when we were together are now gone. I've truly moved on.
"I forgive you." When his face brightens, I quickly add, "But I'll never take you back."
"But you said—"
"Not because I'm still angry. I'm not. Not anymore. But because I'm over you, Liam. I no longer feel anything for you. You and I—we're done."
His shoulders slumps, defeat mingling with reluctant acceptance swimming in his eyes. "There's really no changing your mind, is there?"
"I'm sorry," I say softly.
A sad smile flits on his lips. "Don't be. It's all my fault." Leaning forward in his seat, he plants a kiss on the side of my head. Then he's standing up and walking away.
And I
