He’d also damn near crawled out of his skin when she had lowered the waistband of her denim and shown him the deep purple circle left on one plump cheek the next day.
She hadn’t thought anything of it.
He’d thought an awful lot of it.
And it was the fact she hadn’t hesitated to show him that shamed him down to his soul. Because she felt like he was family, clearly.
He did not.
He also couldn’t bring himself to lie to her, even if the better part of valor would’ve been to lie. Disappoint her. Make her angry. Make her contend with the fact that it made her angry.
“No,” he said.
“You could have,” she pointed out.
Well, there she was being observant.
“I could have,” he agreed.
“Why didn’t you?”
“I don’t just have sex whenever I feel like it,” he said, continuing to speak in bold, frank terms, because he wondered at what point she might get uncomfortable and back down.
“Why not?”
It was a genuine question. She looked confused.
“For a lot of reasons.”
“I mean, I thought you did. Iris and I were talking about it last night.”
This conversation was just getting weirder.
“You and Iris were...talking about it.”
“How it doesn’t really seem fair that you and Jake and Ryder and Colt can just kind of hook up willy-nilly and for some reason we can’t.”
“Did anyone say you can’t?”
“I guess not.”
He was ready to change the subject.
“Do you do it because you’re lonely?”
“What the hell?”
“I’m genuinely curious.”
“I do it because it feels good,” he said.
“Okay. So why don’t you do it sometimes?”
He wanted out of this conversation, and quick. Rose was fascinated because she had no experience, and maybe if she knew...maybe if she knew the truth she’d shut the hell up.
“Sometimes it makes you more lonely, Rose. There you have it. That’s the truth of it. When you’re a dumb, dense guy and all the blood rushes down below your belt you can forget. For a while. Then you finish. And you just feel... emptier than when you started.”
Now he wished he would’ve just asked her if she’d always wanted to be a cowgirl. It would’ve been a hell of a lot more innocuous than this. He’d wanted to make her uncomfortable, but he was the one who felt exposed.
“Then why do you do it?”
“Because sometimes it’s worth it. To feel good for a minute.”
“Maybe I should try it.”
He bit back the immediate denial. He didn’t know what the hell she was playing at. And because he wasn’t sure, it was best that he just kept his opinions to himself.
“Nothing to say?” She put the last piece of her sandwich in her mouth and tore open her bag of chips.
“Do you require my opinion?”
“No. But you usually give it anyway.”
“All right, fine,” he said, her bright determination finally taking hold of him right where he didn’t want. Because the idea of her going out and... “Here’s my opinion.”
She rubbed her hands together in mock glee. “Oh, goody. I can’t imagine what I would have done without it.”
“You don’t know what the hell you want. You think sex and you think romance.”
She sniffed. “I do not.”
“Well, you know what you don’t think? About the reality of it. About the fact you’re going to have to decide that some guy in that bar is good enough to put his hands on you. That he can touch you, see you naked. Take you back to his place or his truck or whatever. You aren’t thinking about the fact you’re talking about someone being inside you, Rose.” He let their eyes meet, and he held them. “Skin to skin. But more. Inside.”
He didn’t know how the hell he managed to look at her because his stomach was burning. His whole damn body was burning.
Her face had turned a deep shade of red, and she clenched her hands into fists. “Sex isn’t a fantasy, Rose, it’s physical. Hands and mouths and teeth.”
“Teeth?”
He ground his own together. “You’re not ready if that shocks you.”
She picked at crumbs in the bottom of her chip bag. He was sure that he must have terrified her a little bit. God knew he’d tested himself to the limit with that speech because he was tempted to answer all the questions he’d seen raised in her eyes.
“I’m sorry that you’re lonely,” she said.
He huffed and took a bite of his sandwich. “Everyone is lonely sometimes. It’s just part of life.”
Not one he wanted to talk about. And he sure as hell didn’t want her pity. This wasn’t supposed to be about him.
“I know,” she said. “I don’t want you to be lonely. I don’t want Iris to be lonely.”
“It’s not your responsibility.”
“You took responsibility for me,” she insisted.
“Why are you so worked up about that right now?”
“I told you. I was kind of just realizing...how much time passed. How much time you all invested in me.”
“Because Iris is the last remaining single? Well. Other than me. And other than you.”
“You know I caught Ryder and Sammy kissing,” she said.
It wasn’t what he’d expected her to say. But then, he had no idea what to expect out of this conversation at all.
“They kiss all the time.”
“No. I mean before anybody knew they hooked up.”
“I’ll stop you there. Because I knew they hooked up the night they did it.”
“How?” She looked slightly infuriated by that.
“I happened to be sitting out on the porch when Sammy came out doing her walk of shame.” Yeah, he’d been sitting out on the porch in the dark and the cold, on a clear July night, staring at the stars and asking why the hell he had the bad fortune to have a fixation on Rose’s body. There had been no answers forthcoming.
Instead, Sammy had come stumbling out the door, looking rattled, her hair a wild tangle that spoke volumes
