She unpinned Autumn’s hair and brushed it over and over as she removed the grips.
‘Do you really believe that?’ Autumn asked, looking over her shoulder at the older woman, tears glazing her eyes.
Tawanda paused brushing. ‘Of course I believe it! Don’t you?’
‘I don’t know. I think I want to. Then something like this happens, and… well, it can’t be right. There can’t be someone up there deciding who lives and who dies,’ Autumn stated.
‘You are too scared to believe in something you can’t see. You believe in iPhones and iPads and too much eye make-up,’ Tawanda said as she looked deep into Autumn’s heavily made-up eyes.
She smiled in return, but the expression didn’t reach her eyes. All she could think about was Blu-Daddy and what his death would mean for his family. He wasn’t quite on the Rich List yet, and without a steady income, his wife would be living on royalties. She had to make sure his family was looked after, that the record company didn’t suck every penny out of his music for itself. But what was she thinking? When his wife heard the news, she wouldn’t be thinking about money. She’d lost a husband; their children had lost a father! What the hell was money compared to that?
Her heart contracted in her chest as she thought about her own father. How had she felt when her mother had told her he was dead? She remembered feeling like a light had gone out in her life. She felt cold, numb, empty. It was like part of her had died with him. That’s what grief was, an empty hole where someone special used to be.
‘It’s my fault he’s dead,’ Nathan spoke through the silence that had descended.
‘Oh no, Mr Nathan. For whatever reason, it was God’s choosing,’ Tawanda responded.
‘You know I don’t believe in that shit.’ He joined them in the living room where he sucked more beer from the bottle.
‘Have some respect for those who do believe,’ Tawanda ordered. Her dark eyes grew larger as she looked across at Nathan.
‘It wasn’t your fault. What could you have done?’ Autumn asked him.
He sat in the armchair opposite the sofa. ‘I could have handcuffed you to me, then neither of you would have been outside the hotel.’
‘But how on earth would Miss Autumn have been able to play the piano?’ Tawanda asked.
Autumn looked at the large woman and smiled as a toned-down version of her booming laugh slipped through her lips.
‘I’m going to my bed. I will see you in the morning. Goodnight, child,’ Tawanda said. She stood up, leaned over, and gave Autumn a firm kiss on the cheek.
Autumn flushed at the show of emotion, so unexpected and so alien to her.
‘Goodnight,’ she called as Tawanda headed for her bedroom.
She looked across at Nathan. His eyes were directed out the doors toward the lake, lost in thought. His brow was furrowed, his jaw clenched, a muscle in his cheek twitched slightly. His fingers were clasped tightly around the beer bottle, but it didn’t stop his hands from shaking.
‘What happens now?’ she ventured.
‘What happens now?’ he repeated.
‘Yes, I mean, someone has died. It will be all over the news. What do we do? What do I do? What happens now?’
‘I have no idea,’ Nathan responded. He laughed, but it was hollow.
‘What’s there to laugh about? My friend died tonight. He’s dead.’ She spat the words out then clamped a hand over her mouth as the meaning of them hit her again.
Things like this didn’t happen in her world. Of course, she knew guns and horrors existed, but she had never been that close to it before, and it scared the life out of her. She squeezed her eyes shut and let out a whimper.
‘Don’t you think I know that? Shit, Autumn! What d’you want me to do about it? I can’t fucking resurrect him!’
He got to his feet and crossed to the windows.
‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s just, this doesn’t happen to me. I’m not comfortable with it, I’m…’ Tears were sliding down her cheeks.
He turned back to face her. ‘You think I’m comfortable with death? Used to it, maybe. Comfortable, no. Being comfortable with it makes it sound like it doesn’t matter when people die. It does matter, especially when it was one of the good guys.’
‘But… you said you thought maybe Blu was involved.’ She sniffed and wiped at her eyes with her fingers.
‘You told me he wouldn’t be. You’re the one who knows him… knew him. I trust your judgment,’ he said.
‘I’m frightened,’ Autumn admitted.
A shiver ran over her body, and her arms felt the first pinpricks of goose bumps. She didn’t want to be in the dress anymore. She wanted to be in something comfortable and ordinary, something that didn’t crease in ten seconds or have a designer label that left chafe marks on the back of her neck. Had she ever owned anything comfortable?
Nathan looked over at her. She hugged her knees into her chest, trying to warm herself up. It wasn’t cold in the house; it was the events of the evening that were giving her a chill.
‘I’ll protect you, Autumn,’ Nathan said, crossing the room.
She lifted her eyes to look at him, and there was that feeling again, that completely inappropriate feeling deep in her gut.
He sat down on the sofa next to her and took her hands in his. His touch was so gentle, she could hardly believe this was the same person who had pulled and pushed her about so roughly before. His long, lean fingers interlocked with hers, and she saw his chest expand as he took a slow breath inward. His golden-colored eyes looked more caramel now as he directed them at her, and the intense nature of his expression made her heart gallop.
‘I put you on display, and I said I’d make sure it was all right. I’m sorry,’ he said.
His voice broke, just enough for Autumn to realize the complete sincerity in everything he was saying.
‘I’m
