“I can’t say I disagree,” he said with a smile.
“Do you think this is funny?” said Lisa.
“No,” said Josh. His smile disappeared. “I’m just trying to be polite, even though you’re being incredibly rude. It’s no secret that you don’t want us here. Well, guess what? I don’t want to be here either, but I don’t have a choice. We’re in this mess together, so we can either be civil to each other, or we can resort to juvenile bickering, whichever makes you feel better. It’s up to you.”
“Oh, quit being so high and mighty,” said Lisa, who was more than a little embarrassed by his criticism of her, mostly because she knew it was valid. “There’s nothing special about you. You’re nothing but an arrogant jerk, and no one cares what you think.”
“Then I guess this conversation is over unless you have any other pressing questions,” said Josh.
“Actually, I do,” said Lisa. “Why are you standing out here talking to me instead of spending time with your mother? Is it because you know she’s going to die and you’re trying to get used to the idea of having her gone?”
As soon as she spoke the words, she knew she had crossed a line. She wondered if she should apologize, but she couldn’t bear to humiliate herself by admitting she had done something wrong. Luckily, he seemed more confused than offended.
“It’s not that at all,” he said. “I’d rather just stand out here and listen. If I go in there, everything will change. I don’t want to ruin it for Stephen. Have you ever felt like you didn’t belong in your own family?”
“No,” said Lisa. “That’s stupid.”
“You’re a terrible liar,” said Josh.
“Whatever,” said Lisa. “Go ahead. Play your dumb little guessing games. You don’t know anything about me.”
She pushed past him, went into Veronica’s room, and slammed the door. Did loyalty mean nothing anymore? Her mother and Veronica had taken sides against her. She squeezed her hands into fists. Josh had an insufferable knack for looking into her heart and reading her mind. She knew she would have to be more careful in the future if she wanted to keep him at a safe distance.
∞∞∞
Lisa’s assumption that Josh knew everything about her was false. After she stormed away, he decided she was the most baffling creature he had ever met. He was still trying to make sense of her behavior when Stephen emerged from the sickroom. The relief on his face failed to dispel the brooding dread Josh felt when he thought about his mother, and when Agnes invited him in, his courage vanished.
His mother was propped up on pillows. She didn’t look any better or any worse than she had on the previous day, but because she was surrounded by medical equipment, the reality of the situation struck him for the first time. Fear entered his heart. He began to feel shaky and hoped she wouldn’t notice.
“I heard you spent the day with Richard,” said his mother.
“That’s right,” said Josh. “We drove up the river, and he showed me around. He also told me a little bit about the history of the town. He’s an interesting person.”
“He’s worried about you,” said his mother. She tried to adjust the pillow behind her shoulders, but she didn’t have enough strength to move it. Josh reached out to help her, but she struck his hand away and eventually managed to do the job herself. From the grimace on her face, Josh knew she was in pain. He resolutely ignored the sinking feeling in his stomach and tried to redirect his thoughts. His mother lay back in the bed, folded her hands on the blanket, and closed her eyes as if she were preparing to die right then and there.
“Josh, I need to talk to you,” she said. “I’ve been postponing this conversation because I didn’t want to upset you, but the time has come. There’s a hierarchy in every family with expectations and responsibilities that go along with it. You understand that, don’t you?”
“Of course,” said Josh.
“Good,” she said. “I need to take care of myself, your dad needs to take care of Yvonne, and you need to take care of your younger siblings, including Shannon. I realize the two of you are technically the same age, but she’s so scatterbrained—”
She hesitated.
“Mom, don’t worry,” said Josh.
“I’m not criticizing her,” said his mother. “She’s no worse than the average moody teenage girl. Your brother is a different matter entirely, but we won’t get into that right now. He’s still young. Everything will be okay as long as you prevent them from falling apart. They’ll follow your example. Do you understand?”
“Yes,” said Josh. “I’ll take care of them.”
“Good,” she said. “I’m proud of you, Josh. I hope you realize that. I’m not trying to make your life more difficult than it already is; I’m just trying to prepare you for the future. I know it’s not easy, but I’m confident you can handle the pressure. I hope you don’t resent me for expecting so much from you.”
“I don’t,” said Josh. “Can we please talk about something else?”
“No, I’m not finished yet,” she said. “There’s one more issue we need to discuss. I’ve noticed some animosity toward us, especially from Lisa, and I don’t want it to get any worse.”
“Mom, there’s nothing I can do about that,” said Josh.
“Of course there is,” she said. “Lisa is an intelligent girl, and she’ll be friendlier once she realizes we don’t mean her any harm. That’s where you come in. It doesn’t matter how obnoxious she is to you. You have to be nice to her.”
Josh didn’t want to upset his mother, but he was afraid of the consequences if he didn’t set the record straight. Her expectations had always been a heavy burden for
