He’s had a skinful, Jenny thought morosely. “Dad, listen to me. You should go home. Just put the beer away and go home.”
He took a deep breath. “Well, now, I would. I’d do exactly that. Except there ain’t nothin’ and nobody there. Get mighty tired of looking at four walls. I got to tell you that.”
“It’s not safe to be out at night.” Jenny had paid attention to the news all evening. Violence still filled the streets. The police and the National Guard advised everyone to stay home and had imposed a curfew. But the news stations reported that large groups hunted through the streets.
“Just as safe being here as it is at home. And the company’s looking mighty fine. Ain’t you, darlin’?”
A woman’s voice sounded indistinct in the distance against the background of country-and-western music.
“Dad, please. For me.”
Her father was quiet for a moment. “Can’t.”
“Why?”
“I’m scared to.”
Jenny remained silent, praying that he wouldn’t start in the way she knew he was going to.
“You know why I’m scared, girlie?” her father asked in a tight, hoarse voice.
“No.” She had no choice about answering. This was her part of the cycle her father had thrust them into. Her hands shook, and she felt the hot warmth of tears on her cheeks. Just like always, she felt so helpless. She hated that feeling more than anything.
“I’m scared,” her father said slowly, “because I almost did it this time. When I thought you was gone.”
Jenny shook as she cried. She wiped tears from her face with the back of her free hand.
“I couldn’t bear it, girlie, if I knew you were gone. It would cut the heart right out of me.”
Jenny knew her father meant what he said. Some days she felt that the only reason he was still alive in spite of his pain and his weakness and his alcoholism, with the misery of guilt that echoed those character flaws, was because she was there. Most of the bills got paid, mostly on time, and meals were put on the table because of what she could provide. She knew he couldn’t take care of himself.
“I almost did it,” her father repeated. “Had that pistol settled in nice and tight up under my jaw. I was just four pounds of pressure away from saying sayonara.”
“Dad.” Jenny’s voice came out as an agonized croak.
“You don’t have to worry about me,” her father said. “I’d never have felt a thing. Here in this world one minute and on to the next faster than a New York minute.”
Jenny pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her free arm around her legs. She pulled tight, hugging herself.
“You know the only thing that kept me from doing it?” her father asked.
Pain seized Jenny’s lungs so tightly that she couldn’t answer.
“I couldn’t do it, girlie, because somehow I knew you was still here.” He cackled again. “Ain’t that something? Somehow, I knew you was still here and it was just a matter of time till I found you. I went home today and the phone was working. Found your messages on the answering service, and here I am talking to you. That’s almost enough to make a man get religion.”
Shaking and scared, Jenny wiped her face. “Dad, I love you. I don’t want anything to happen to you. Please, please don’t—”
“Why, girlie, they ain’t nothing going to happen to me. You just get on back home and everything’s going to be right as rain.”
“I can’t leave here yet,” Jenny said. “The army isn’t letting anyone in or out of the post tonight.” She snuffled.
Her father was silent for a moment. “That’s fine then, girlie. I’ll just hook up with you tomorrow. I’ll give you a call and drive on out that way to pick you up. Then you can tell me how you ended up on an army base in the middle of all this confusion.”
“All right.”
“And this here bartender, why she’s taken a shine to your old man. I can tell. I know when women are interested. Maybe we’ll both have stories to tell tomorrow.”
“Just take care of yourself,” Jenny said.
“You got a deal. I’ll call you tomorrow.” He paused. “I mean, unless you don’t want to see your old dad.”
“I do,” Jenny said, and the answer was half right. She wanted to see him, but she didn’t want to see him, too. Her heart ached, but she didn’t trust him. She felt bad about that. He was her father, and he had taken care of her the best he could after her mom had run out on them. But his best wasn’t very good. Still, despite everything, she loved him. As usual when she talked to her dad, she felt as if she were all ripped up inside. “I do want to see you,” she managed to say. A big part of her even meant it.
“Then you be ready tomorrow, girlie, because I’ll be out there tomorrow bright and early to pick you up.”
“All right, Dad,” Jenny whispered. “I’ll be here.”
Her father said good-bye and hung up.
For a while, Jenny sat on the stones of the Ganders’ patio. She hugged her knees to herself and stared up at the star-filled sky. Not all of the power was back in the city yet, and the base ran black at night. Most of the light pollution was gone and the stars shone brightly.
She cried for a time, till that pain was once more used up and she felt empty. She could cry it away for a time, but it always returned because the hurt never healed. She didn’t want to lose her father, and she didn’t want to hate him. But she was scared that she was going to do both.
16
United States 75th Army Rangers Temporary Post
Sanliurfa, Turkey
Local Time 0603 Hours
“I don’t have anything to say to you, Captain Remington.”
Standing in front of the CIA agent seated in the chair, Remington looked down at the man, reminding the guy who had the upper
